Dreams are meant for sleeping
by nutmeg17
Summary: It all started with the smile Dean wore when he slept, as Cas watched. With all of Cas' new emotions to figure out, It's only a matter of time. What Cas finds in Dean's dreams are even more confusing, especially when he can't resist getting involved R&R
1. Chapter 1

**hope you like this new story, sorry the summary kind of sucks, word limit you understand lol :3**

**mostly this story could probably be read at a T rating for the language but i know what im like with slipping things in that should be an M so im rating it as such to be on the safe side lol :P**

**anyway this story takes place around season 5, when cas is cut of from heaven and he is expierencing new feelings and emotions**

**I know the title sucks i could think of anything lol **

**please forgive any mistakes in grammar and spelling.**

**also this story will be slower and build but there will be destiel, theres hints of it here- just like every episode of supernatural cas is in lol :P**

**okay so here goes :') enjoy!**

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><p>Castiel angel of the lord, alive for eons, seen civilisations rise and fall, can feel the potential of greatness in every human on earth, has seen the best and the worst humanity can be, and here he was sitting on a park bench in middle of the night waiting for the Winchesters to be done with their cursed sleep.<p>

Even angels get bored, even angels get lonely. He wanted company, angels are created with their brothers and sisters around them, they're soldiers, part of God's army. There was no such thing as a lone angel or a rogue soldier, until now. Castiel wasn't used to being alone, since being cut of from heaven and his brethren he was for the first time and he didn't like it.

He decided to visit the boys to see if they were recharged enough to be woken, so he could sit and watch and listen to them being brothers, and think of old times. He doesn't need them to necessarily talk to him; they don't even need to know he's there. Just to be around them comforts him, reminds him of want he's fighting for, makes him feel a little less lost.

With a single swipe of his wings he stood in between the sleeping brothers. They both looked to…serene to wake, so with a sigh Cas let them be, instead he pulled up a chair and waited. The angel decided that sleeping company was better than no company.

His eyes kept falling to Dean; he seemed to have this habit of smiling in his sleep. Cas was curious of what could made this happen, something in Dean's dream must be very pleasing he thought. Cas wanted to know what it was, he wanted to smile, but remembered the promise he made to the eldest hunter about dream hopping 'Only when your sweet feathery ass depends on it.' strange term of phrase Cas thought but he understood the meaning and agreed.

Cas watched for a bit longer, Since starting to feel emotions smiling was the most pleasant it was connected to joy and happiness and Cas wanted it, he found himself longing for the emotions he had barred himself from for so long. Unfortunately there had been little for him to be happy about recently and it seemed that only Dean could make him feel the emotion that would put a smile on his face. He was still getting used to showing the emotions he felt, so although Jimmy rarely actually smiled, he did, his true form did. At least what he would expect a smile to be and feel like, it was a little hard to know considering his true form didn't have a mouth. He wanted to tell Dean that, but he knew how Dean would react; he would not take him seriously, or laugh at him, or call him a name or make some obscene reference he doesn't understand which only seems to frustrate him, so he kept quite. Ever so often the man would groan and roll over onto his other side, it was very intriguing.

Without thinking, or with thinking much more then the situation demands he wasn't sure because before he knew it, he had moved closer. He wanted to study that smile, remember it, treasure it and maybe one day cause it.

Cas ended up sitting Indian style on the floor, next to Dean's bed, the hunter had rolled again so he was facing the angel. Cas slowly moved forward concentration coated his features as confusion set deep into the lines and curves of his borrowed face.

Cas and Dean's faces were inches apart the hunter unaware as he breathed deep and even, each exhale of air coated the angels face, Cas could taste the faint tang of whisky that still clung to Dean's breath. Cas' eyes skated over Dean's features, he studied the way his muscles twitched and stretched as he dreamt his dreams, it was very endearing.

The angel started to try and imitate him. He started to practice moving his facial muscles, he raised his eyebrows them lowered them, he wiggled them a little, it felt funny he noted. Squinted and widened his eyes, even rolled his eye balls around the sockets freely by had to stop because it made him dizzy. Then he moved to the mouth, the most interesting yet hardest feature to get to grips with, talking was fine, that he mastered easily knowing every language the human tongue can speak, it was every thing else, the little mannerisms that confused him; how Dean would lick his lips randomly mid convocation, why? Or how he sometimes smiled with one side of his mouth, why? How he occasionally pouted when he thought, Cas couldn't see how that action helped his thoughts along at all. Then there was other stuff like kissing, Dean did it a lot and seemed to enjoy it, why? Out of all the emotions and sensations pleasure was still a foreign one.

Cas snapped himself out of that trail of thought and began opening his mouth, closing it stretching and pulling it every which way, sticking his tongue out and moving all his features at once. It made him feel a little light headed, but discovered he could cross his eyes and roll his tongue, that made him happy and he wasn't sure why.

If anyone was watching it would look as if Cas was pulling faces to a petulant child to make it laugh. Though of course he wasn't he was doing this inches away from Dean Winchester's sleeping face.

When the dreaming hunter smiled again he stopped, lowered his eye brows and put his tongue back in his mouth as he took in the sight, his stomach gave him a peculiar feeling as he watched, everything he's seen in his very long life time and this was one of his favourite sights; his charge, dare he say happy.

Castiel hadn't paid attention to the time passing and soon found the sun beginning to rise; he did however notice his face starting to hurt. The angel silently got to his feet and with another swipe of his wings was back at the park bench and continued to wait for the brother's call.

Whilst waiting he thought about how he spent the night, and without trying or realising a small smile graced the angels now relaxed and well exercised face as he thought about Dean sleeping. His charge seemed at peace. It was a good night.

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><p><strong>I had to giggle when I thought of cas pulling all those faces and going crazy with it lol it pleased me :D<strong>

**any please review :) xxxxxxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**I would like to thank Rosesandthorns666, SuperNaturalGurl32 and ktsimpson17 for their reveiws of the last chapter, much love :D xxx**

**sorry for any grammar and spelling wrong doings lol **

**Enjoy :P**

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><p>Being an angel Cas could go anywhere, do anything as America and the boy's slept. He could swore around the world, go to England, Spain, Italy or New York somewhere where people were awake and full of life or he could go to the desert and count the stars or the ocean and listen to the waves. Come to think of it Cas could have a whole other life as the boys slept, but no. since that night he spent in the Winchesters room he found himself there night after night, each time he would spend hours watching the elder Winchester dream, and fight the urge to dream dive. He found himself wanting it to be night when it was day so he could sit on the floor near Dean's been and watch him smile.<p>

Castiel made an instant and very easy decision not to tell Dean about his nocturnal activities, Cas didn't like the term lying, he wasn't lying just concealing certain truths that Dean would find hard to process and deal with, he was protecting Dean. Okay so Cas knew was being a bit of a perv, but this was his dirty secret, his guilty pleasure. Everything else was taken from him, this he wasn't giving up. This he wasn't prepared to share.

Around three weeks after Cas started his nightly visits and for the last two weeks he saw the boy's everyday a lot of the time for the whole day. Dean asked in passing one day in the motel room.

"What do you do when we sleep Cas?" the angels whole body tensed for a second before he answered, and could only thank his father that Dean's back was turned, other wise he would have surly noticed.

"I find my entertainment." Which was the truth and not being specific wasn't lying, oh god he was such a pervert he thought.

"Right…why don't you try sleeping, I bet you would enjoy dreaming."

"Do you?"

"Yeah It's…It's nice."

"What do you dream about?" Cas had wanted to ask that question since that first night, but it was too strange just to bring into convocation, but Dean brought it up, he was finally free to ask. The question had often occupied this thoughts throughout the day so it felt good to finally ask. It was strange to see Dean tense at the question, much like Cas had just done, even stranger that Dean gave him a snappy answer in a slightly irritated tone.

"Stuff, frisky woman mostly."

"I see." Cas' gaze lowered to the floor, out of all the new emotions he had been feeling. This one was most confusing. His stomach pulled and his chest tightened, he wasn't angry, was he? He had no call to be angry, this didn't feel like anger. He knew anger, it was the fastest emotional to arise in him and the easiest to understand though he found it was one of the hardest to control. This emotion was different but didn't seem completely new.

Cas spent time searching and sometimes reliving his memories to figure out where he had felt that emotional before, though the physical effects of it had long past still he needed to know. Cas did this in the boys motel room, sitting on Dean's bed, whilst the two brothers attempted to research, more than once Dean had waved a hand in front of his face, Cas didn't even blink.

"Dean what have you done?" Sam asked his brother.

"Me? Why is it my fault! We were just talking about dreaming and he turned into that."

"You think he's trying dream?" Dean shrugged to Sam and they settled back down to their books. There was nothing they could do for the angel in his present state so they left him.

Cas had been there for about an hour, he hadn't moved or spoken or anything, Dean was trying to research but the angel kept stealing his attention. He had already thrown a pen and a ball of paper at him, the bastard didn't even flinch, not even when he flicked a paper clip at him and it bounced of his right cheek, Dean found his game of 'throw things at the angel statue' more amusing then he knew it should be, after a while it occurred to him that Cas looked like he was in some kind of awake coma or something, it worried Dean a little but he easily covered that up with anger. He slammed his book shut and picked it up to throw it at him but Sam stopped him.

"Dean."

"What? He's freaking me out."

Sam approached the angel and prodded him slightly. "Cas? Are you in there?" no response, the hunter sighed and looked to his brother who shrugged, he didn't have any ideas. Cas suddenly remembered, he abruptly with no warning to the Winchesters stood up and made them both jump.

"Dammit Cas!" Dean barked at him.

"I remember." the angel muttered in return.

"Well ain't that's just swell. Remember what?" Dean asked, Cas looked to him then to Sam and back to Dean, before whipping his wings into action without another word. Dean rolled his eyes at the empty space in the room that Cas accompanied a moment ago.

"Frigging angels." He moaned before his brother got back to research, Dean now completely unable to concentrate, but pretended too none the less.

Cas appeared in an old familiar barn. "Anna." He muttered to himself. It was in this barn he had felt tat strange pulling sensation and sickly emotion. When Anna kissed his charge. When she kissed Dean. But what was it? Cas was getting pissed and started to pace when all of a sudden he stopped dead.

"Jealously." He muttered to himself, he new it was a negative motion but one of the seven sins was not what he was hoping for. He was jealous that Anna kissed Dean, but that was silly he didn't really like Anna in that way, he didn't know how or even that he could, could he? Then why would he be jealous if Dean dreams of frisky women as he watches? Cas soon understood and the revelation hit him hard. Anna wasn't the one that made him jealous.

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><p><strong>Please Review!<strong>

**sorry if your confused-but i hope your not lol :') xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**love to those that reviewed the last chapter! :3 **

**sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes :D enjoy!**

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><p>Cas flew back to the motel room, his sudden appearance made Sam nearly fall of his bed and Dean choked a little on his beer. Cas wondered for a moment how long he had been gone, but it was only a fleeting thought it was of no real import.<p>

Dean was about to shout at the angel and threaten him with some sort of bell but stopped himself when see saw Cas' face. He looked pale and he was an angel, he didn't think that were possible, he also looked distressed. Dean didn't like it at all, it didn't suit Cas' usually stoic neutral face, the odd occasion when he smiled, that suited him but not this, he looked as if he was about to cry, it wasn't right.

"Cas? What happened?" Dean asked as he approached him trying to catch his eye. Cas simply stayed silent, what was he supposed to say? That he was jealous that the hunter was dreaming of someone else as he watched? That he was jealous he kissed Anna? That wouldn't go down well at all, he didn't even know what any of this meant, he didn't understand but he knew he couldn't lye so still he told them the truth.

"I need a drink."

"Yeah man." Dean agreed as he scanned the angels face, his features were distorted and slightly pulled out of shape. "Or many three." Dean then turned to Sam. "Sam go and get beer, and whisky."

"Dean we have two full bottles of whisky,"

"Not when we get started. Go." Dean told him and pointed his thumb to the door.

"But-" Dean shot Sam the I'm your big brother listen and do what I say, so Sam rolled his eyes knowing he wasn't winning this one and left the room.

"Thank you Dean." The hunter clapped the angel on the shoulder as smiled as he handed him the last beer from the fridge. That smile hitting Cas right in the chest. "Thank you Dean." He repeated as he took the cold bottle from him.

Cas finished his beer and the rest of Dean in less then two minutes, Dean was impressed even if the angel did steal his beer, sneaky frigging angels.

They moved onto the whisky. By the time Sam came in Dean was on his fifth glass on whisky which considering they were over triple shots in each glass was quite impressive Cas however had finished the open bottle and half finished the next, and Dean was way more tipsy than the angel.

Sam put the crate of beer and three bottle of whisky on the table with the intention to research more into the case their going to look into in the morning, but was soon roped into drinking. The three of them drank into the night, Cas matching the brothers beers with whisky. When Cas started to feel the effects the brothers were both pretty drunk, apparent when Sam fell on his chair and Dean couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes afterwards. Cas felt that same peculiar feeling in his gut again as the sight, stupid Dean. Cas placed his fingers to the hunters lips and held them closed.

"Shhh you're hurting me." Cas mumbled Dean just looked at him confused, mostly because he didn't what Cas to focus on, at the moment there were three.

Sam crawled into bed at around two and passed out when his head hit the pillow, after Dean made sure he was in the recovery position- just no getting rid of that big brother instinct, he sat down opposite the angel and tried very hard to focus. Cas lifted his glass again, Dean gently took hold of his wrist and lowered it to the table.

"Are you going to tell me what the matter was?" Dean slurred slightly and Cas bit his tongue so he wouldn't spill, he looked down, Dean's hand was still on his wrist, the feeling the prolonged contact gave him was, pleasant. Dean followed his gaze and noticed his hand before quickly removed it again, they sat in silence for a moment. "Well?" Dean pushed for an answer, stubborn hunter.

Cas thought about it and right now, it was okay. right now it was just him and Dean there was no fight at this moment, so at least for now he felt okay, thoguh that coukd be the alcohol talking "I'm fine Dean." The man looked into Cas' eyes and found truth, though his curiosity burned, the angel seemed alright didn't need him to know so he nodded.

Cas thankful he didn't ask again as he would have surly told him, The hunter reached out a hand trying to grasp his bottle, instead just knocked it over, wow his hand eye coordination sucked right now.

"I need sleep." He told himself more than Cas when he realised the room was on it side and would stop moving, making him feel a little sea sick.

"Dean."

"Hmm." Dean answered as he went to the bathroom; he left the door open as he took his clothes off.

"Can I? Can I stay here?" Dean strolled out of the bathroom in his boxers, Cas pretending not to fight the urge to look kept focus on his face. Dean spun around to face were he had came, stumbling a little at the sudden movement. He was wondering why he went in there if he was just going to come out like this anyway, it was probably the idea of undressing in front of an angel, but Dean's head hurt to think so he shrugged and decided not to care.

The hunter then turned his attention back the Cas and tried to remember what he asked as he sat there awkwardly waiting for an answer.

"Sure man, don't want you to get a ticket for drunk flying." Dean joked making himself smile anyway, Cas just titled his head in confusion, Dean swallowed before he could continued and looked around for something to focus on quickly, which made him feel a like ill as the room was not staying still. "never mind Cas." he assure him. "Just don't make to much noise. I need sleep." Cas nodded and watched as Dean crawled into bed and soon fell asleep.

As soon as Cas was sure Dean was asleep he went over and climbed onto the bed, yeah he was drunk. He laid next to the sleeping human with his hands on his stomach and legs straight his whole body as stiff as ever, his head was turned to the sleeping hunter and he waited for a smile.

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><p><strong>Gotta love drunk cas lol<strong>

**please review :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**thank you for reviewing! :D**

**sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes**

**enjoy the chapter xxx**

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><p>Dean woke the next morning with a banging headache. He looked over to Sam, dead to the world.<p>

"Cas?" he asked after realising he couldn't see the angel, he was gone. Dean couldn't understand why this bothered him.

After a moment or two he realised there were two aspirins tablets and a glass of water by the bed of both hunters, Dean smiled as he took his pills, thanking his angel in his mind.

Cas had spent everyday for the last two weeks with the boys so it was a little more than unsettling when they hadn't seen Cas all that day, especially considering their case was over and they were moving on. It was three in the afternoon and already over a state over from the motel. How will Cas know where to find them? Dean thought constantly in his head, not seeming to grasp the fact he had a mobile phone and he was a freaking angel, able to take care of himself.

"Just call him." Sam told his brother, Dean shot him a glare that had 'get out my head you bastard' written all over it. "Come on man, you're worried about Cas." Dean shot Sam another now more angry glance before Sam started to defend himself. "Hey I am too, it's strange him not popping up."

"Then you call him."

"It will be weird if I did Dean, you now it would be."

"Fine, at the next stop." They were silent until then, nothing but Dean's music blearing out, within the hour they pulled up at a roadside diner. Sam needed a piss and Dean needed some pie.

As soon as the impala came to a stop the younger hunter darted from the car and into the grubby looking facilities that were on offer. As soon as Sam disappeared behind an old dirty door Dean pulled out his phone and speed dialled the angel. It took a few rings but he eventually picked up.

"Dean."

"Hey Cas, where are you?" Dean sounded slightly more desperate then he wanted.

"That is not of import Dean, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, just letting you know that were on the road again and heading for Wyoming."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Thought you should know, jeez what's got your wings in a knot?"

"My wings are fine Dean." Cas spoke seriously not understanding what Dean meant, which only went to make Dean more angry then Cas' previous comment.

"Fine then, then the next time you wanna stay around me for two weeks then disappear one day, don't think I'll be worried and want to check on you."

"You were worried about me?"

"…No." Dean barked out after a paused and swiftly hung up okay he was fully aware of how much like a child he sounded.

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><p>Cas was left looking at his phone with a small smile on his face, it had become much easier to show those little bits of emotion that he didn't used to bother with, they didn't effect anything or meaning anything to anyone else, so he never used to bother with them, but he was wrong they did make a difference. It felt good.<p>

He put the phone back into his pocket and looked back out to the view before him. The angel looked upon the hustle and bustle of busy New York streets. Since he had learnt about heavens corruption and then being cut of from it, Cas was feeling less and less like an angel. So he decided to be one, well a good samaritan anyway at least for a while.

He was helping at a homeless shelter a rough down town one, where the most help was needed. Castiel angel of the lord wanted to give those without hope a reason to have it, let them believe in the goodness of people for change, let them see what people can be instead of what they seem to be. He missed that, he remembered what it was like to help people. At least he thought he was helping people, orders were orders and he believed in them, were they for the good of mankind or just to serve those at the top, Cas didn't know anymore and it hurt his head to think, everything did. None more so than his nightly routine, especially last night's, he never went onto the bed before, he could almost hear Dean's heartbeat it was soothing, terrifyingly so.

This helps put his mind at rest his let him forget for while, forget about Dean fucking Winchester, not that he wanted to ever forget how he felt.

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><p>Dean hung up just as Sam got back into the car.<p>

"You phone him?"

"Yep."

"He alright?"

"Yep."

"Good." Sam answered eyeing his brother suspiciously as he started to pull out of the car park to continue the drive. "Don't you want pie?" Sam asked when it came apparent he was empty handed, Sam expected Dean to come to a stop and hurry to the diner what he did wasn't expected.

"Not hungry anymore Sammy." He told him with a tone that made Sam just leave it at that and not ask. All Sam could think was that it was either one hell of a convocation or one hell of a fight, judging by Dean's tense jaw and concentration on the road Sam's money was on a fight.

Dean pumped the music up in the car in an attempt to cover up and drown the awkward silence that had fallen between the brothers.

A few painful fake sleep hours later Sam and Dean were checked into yet another crappy motel, dressed like 7th graders going to their first school dance, fake ids in their pockets and guns in their waistbands and they were back out the door again.

Another few hours later they were back in the motel, Sam was sifting through the information they had gathered that day, trying to make sense of it all and Dean was cleaning his gun.

Sam had thought that Cas had been acting a little strange lately, if anyone could answer his concerns correctly it was Dean, so he decided to ask him, though would probably just get a scowl from his brother. Just as he opened his mouth in flew the angel in question, eyes already stirnly connectedd with Dean's.

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><p><strong>please review :D<strong>

**the next chapter will be up today :') xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**told ya up today lol ;) lol please enjoy**

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><p>The angel stood awkwardly in the middle of the room eyes locked with Dean for a second before greeting the brothers and taking a seat on the old sofa that faced the old TV. He smelt a little from his activities that day but thought the brothers either wouldn't notice it or not mention it. Dean came over and sat next to the angel.<p>

"Okay so fess up." Cas shifted in his seat a little taking a side wards glance at the hunter next to him.

"I don't understand"

"Cas you smell like ass."

"Oh." The angels gaze fell, no such luck with the not mentioning it then. "My grace keeps my vessel clean as well as unharmed, being cut off I don't want to waste my remaining grace on hygiene."

"Maybe you should think about it."

"Dean." Sam interjected that was a little unnecessary. "Cas you can take a shower if you want." Dean got up using Cas' thigh to lean on, making Cas tense even more and become even more confused why was that necessary for Dean to stand? The elder hunter walked across the room laughing as he spoke,

"No Sam, lets just take Cas with us on hunts he'll scare the monsters of the demons would probably send them selves to hell." Before either brother could do anything, Cas was inches away from Dean, making the man jump, there was anger in his eyes. Whilst keeping the close distance as neither moved or stop the eye contract, the angel took of his trench coat and jacket making a lump form in Dean's throat. Dean watched as Cas walked to the bathroom loosening his tie, shutting the door behind him. Dean was left staring slightly wide eyed at the bathroom door. After a moment of silence Dean spoke, Sammy still watching him.

"I think you offended him, telling him to take a shower, tact Sammy tact." Sam just rolled his eyes, but he didn't miss the smirk or wink.

"How did you do that?" Sam asked, amazed at how he could twist the angel around his finger.

"What? Don't know what you mean." Dean told his brother with a tone that completely betrayed the validity of his words.

Cas stormed into the bathroom and it wasn't until he was standing butt naked in the middle of the room, did he realise how silly he was being, anger really was the hardest to control.

He wanted to just put his clothes back on and use his grace to freshen himself like he always did, but that would mean facing Dean's smug face, that man just made him so angry. So Castiel decided to shower, for the first time, there lay another problem Cas was standing naked in the bathroom and he realised he had no idea how to turn the shower on. There was a knock on the door and a voice from the other side of the door.

"Hey Cas, Sam's going for food if you give me your clothes he'll get them washed for you." Cas scooped up his clothes and handed them to the hunter on the other side of the door.

"Thank you." He spoke quietly and almost begrudgingly like he was a child and his mum made him say thank you for a birthday present even though he hated it. This was the perfect time for Cas to ask need how the shower worked, but it seemed in addition to jealous another deadly sin had snuck its way into Castiel, pride. He didn't want to loose face to the Winchesters.

It didn't take Cas long to work out the taps, though longer to find a comfortable temperature that didn't threaten to burn Jimmy's skin off or give him frost bite. When he was done Cas poked his head around the door.

"Erm Dean."

"Yeah." Dean answered as he spun around and caught sight of the wet head of Cas his dark wet hair sticking to his face as droplets of water ran down his face and neck and, "What's up Cas?"

"Is Sam back with my clothes?"

"No."

"Okay, I'll wait." Before Dean could answer the door shut again, guilt over run the hunter he didn't like the idea of him in there on his own with nothing to do and no clothes to wear, so he rolled his eyes and made his way to his duffle bag after pulling out some jeans and an old t shirt he knocked on the door again.

"Cas come on you can't wait in there, I have some clothes for you to wear until Sam gets back." Cas frowned at the door before answering this time making sure there was a towel around his waist. He looked at Dean's clothes in his hand and felt like smiling, with a nod he took them and went back into the bathroom.

A minute or two later, Dean was on the old battered sofa clicking through the channels and Cas came and sat next to him, though he had to hold the jeans up as he walked, his form was more slender then the well built hunter. Dean looked the man up and down; he looked good without his trench coat.

"Suits you."

"What does?"

"My clothes, I mean you know more than I thought they would anyway." Cas looked down at himself, he missed his suit and trench coat, he had always worn it, it become a kind of security comfort thing to him much like a child and a blanket, though looking around he didn't altogether hate what he was seeing, he pulled at the t-shirt reading the upside down writting that said 'metallica' he looked down for a oment before telling the hunter.

"I like the shirt." Dean watched as the corners of Cas' mouth pulled slightly, it wasn't quite a smile but it was close enough.

"How did you like you shower then."

"It was, nice, relaxing."

"But," Dean coaxed him, he could tell there was something else.

"I kept dropping the soap." Dean could not control his laughter even if he wanted too.

The sound of Dean's laugh gave Cas that same feeling in his stomach it just won't go away. The situation was just too good for Dean not to laugh, a tear even formed in the corner of his left eye, Cas just shot his a glare but it was the first glare he ever gave, his feature were awash in amusement as he watched Dean hunter smile.

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><p><strong>pretty please review :) xxxx<strong>

**another update is due today :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**I know I said this is would be up yesturday but i was stuck one of the lines but thanks to hamithehamister for helping with it lol :D**

**sorry for any mistakes in grammar and spelling :3**

**hope you enjoy :D this chapters is longer than the others have been.**

**poor confused Cas and Dean have a heart to heart ^_^ x**

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><p>There was a few minutes of silence after Dean's laughter had finished. The hunter watched as the angel picked up the remote to the TV and started to flick through the channels, Dean knew what he had to ask but was afraid of what kind of answer he would get.<p>

"Cas." Dean spoke and got the angels attention he took the remote of him and shuffled so was facing him, Cas getting a little tense by the sudden formality of the room. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?" Cas asked as he frowned at the complicated human in front of him.

"What's wrong, I can't help you if you don't tell me."

"Nothing Dean." Cas lied and looked to the floor unable to keep eye contact. Yes he lied, he had too, he couldn't tell Dean, not considering all the shit he has to deal with already the angel didn't want to burden Dean with yet more information to worry about.

"Shall I break out the whisky?"

"I don't think that advisable." Cas almost smiled again as he remembered their last whisky session, a small pink tint rose in his cheeks as the thought about how it ended, Dean could barley see it and only did because he was staring to hard at Cas in the first place, but he figured Cas might have been embarrassed to let himself get drunk.

"Okay, T-total it is then. Castiel please. Talk to me, you don't seem to be you, you know? Dude you look like you might cry."

"I won't" Cas assured him still looking at the floor, getting more and more uncomfortable with this talk.

"Hey there' no shame in it." Dean put his arm around Cas' shoulders to comfort him, Cas' eyes met Dean's and the air went thick as Cas tried to explain.

"No, I mean I'm an angel, I don't think it possible. But yes, everything is starting to take its toll. If I could and if I knew how, I think I would cry."

"That's got to be one of the saddest things I've ever heard."

"Don't mock me Dean." Cas told him slightly hurt as he shrugged of Dean's hand that lingered on his back.

"I'm not. Look you should talk, help me help you help me, to help, you." The hunter looked to the ceiling and pouted as he tried to work this out, Cas staring at his mouth, he didn't understand how it could move so freely. Dean decided to talk in a more straight forward manner. "It's not good to bottle up."

"You're one to talk, when was the last time you and Sam sat down and had a confessional convocation. All you do is bottle Dean. I have never seen such a destructive, co-dependant mess of a relationship as the one you and your brother share, so do not lecture to me about bottling up."

"Wow. Okay I was only trying to help." Dean told him hands in a surrender position.

"There is no need."

"There is everyone need Cas. I'm worried about you. You've been acting strange, distant yet you're around us more and you're quiet-er."

"You mean appose to my usual life of the party persona."

"You're more tense even for you, you look exhausted, please." Dean shuffled along the sofa until their thighs were touching and he placed a hand on Cas' that were rested on his lap "Talk to me." he whispered Cas relaxed slightly and unintentionally at the moan in his charges voice, the angel sighed he knew he was defeated, he closed his eyes as he finally voiced the worries and concerns he never thought he would be able to share.

"I feel Dean."

"You feel what?"

"Everything, I_ feel. _That's not supposed to happen. I'm an _angel_. You wouldn't understand. " Dean gave the angel a reassuring squeeze of his hand.

"How about you tell me anyway."

"All these emotions, all these feelings." Cas looked to Dean, finding soft green eyes waiting for him, he looked like someone had just told him there was no Santa, or that his angel wasn't as strong as he thought, Cas got a horrible pull inside all his organs squeezed together when he saw Dean looking like a puppy. "The ones you take for granted or don't even notice, they weigh me down more than I can say." Dean felt Cas' hands slip from his as Cas placed his head in them. "I don't know how you do it, living everyday for your whole life like this. I_ am_ exhausted Dean." Cas sat back on the sofa looking to the ceiling, Dean completely rigid, he didn't know what to do or say, this was so unlike Cas. "It used to be easy, you have commands, you execute your orders and you don't question. Now all I do is question everything, and I understand nothing. Nothing in this universe makes sense to me. Least of all me. I am supposed to be an angel yet I can't go home, heaven it self rejects me. I am hunted by my kin and I kill my own to survive and for what?"

"For freedom Cas, freedom to choose your own path, your own destiny."

"I choose a lousy one."

"Cas you're an angel that cares, that's not a bad thing."

"Yes it is, you have no idea what I have done in the past, all thing people I've, I remember everything and all I do if feel guilt about it. You asked me today were I was, I didn't tell you I was, ashamed. I couldn't tell you not that it matters now." There was the briefest of silences before Dean's curiosity over run him.

"Where were you?"

"New York." That thought the hunter, it made no sense, why New York?

"Why?"

"Homeless shelter down town, I helped there."

"Cas, not that that isn't great but you take on too much, you're already an angel do you need to be a good samaritan too?" Dean tried to joke but it wasn't working, Cas just tensed up and looked towards his charge.

"Yes." Dean was not prepared for what came next. "Dean every day I feel less and less like an angel. I went there today and I gave those people belief that maybe, maybe the world isn't as dark as they thought. That there are still people that care. But why bother, I mean the world crumbling around us right? But I saw the hope in their eyes Dean; all my time as a soldier and I ever once saw it, I never once felt it, I just believed I was doing good. Now I don't even know if that's true." Dean couldn't stop himself wrapping his arms around his friend. Cas didn't hug back but leaned into the man as he continued. "I feel as if I have lived a millennia for nothing, that it all accumulates to nothing. Hardly the work of an angel." Without realising it Dean fell back into big brother mode, Cas was acting like a heart broken kid, Dean comforted him they way he did Sam when they were younger, he stroked Cas' hair, he didn't realise his actions and blames Cas entirely for being so adorably puppy like and for not stopping him. Dean whispered harshly as he attempted to get through to him.

"Cas listen to me okay listen to me right now, I don't want to hear anymore of this self pity bullshit okay, you are more of an angel than any of those dicks upstairs and don't you forget it. You have helped and you have made a difference." Cas was frozen against Dean's chest as Dean held him, he didn't know what to do, his hand was uncomfortable in-between them but he didn't know if he could move it, this was such a strange situation he didn't know the rules, he had an unexplainable urge to rest his hand against the hunters chest but stopped himself and stayed where he was even though his hand was getting pins and needles. "You saved my life, my soul. Cas you gave me faith and hope and I didn't think that were possible, you made me believe that after everything I did in hell I was still worthy of an angels-…Cas you gave me the strength to fight. So don't you dare believe you are anything less then the best damn angel heaven has to offer. You rebelled because it was right to do so, you stood up for what was good, for what you believed in."

"What do I believe in Dean?" the angel pushed away from Dean, bringing his hand to the hunters chest for leverage before looking to Dean for answers he seemed to beg for an answer, feeling deans heart in his finger tips.

"The world, humanity," Dean sat up from his slouched position causing Cas to removed his hand though it was the opposite of what he wanted to do. Dean continued and Cas couldn't believe how gentle the hunter was being. "That it's worth saving. You gave up everything to save the world, and no one will ever know." The hunter put his hand onto the angel's arm getting his attention. "What other angel can make such a claim." Cas let out a small smile as he lent forward resting his elbows on his knees and looked to his hands, he pushed down a little flush he felt arise in his cheeks.

"How is it you always know just what to say Dean."

"I like to think it's because of my perky nipples."

"Doubtful."

"Is that almost a smile?"

"I think it might be." Cas was truly smiling he was a little surprised he was finally doing it, that made him smile more.

"That's good you should smile more." He looked to his angel before coughing to take his eyes away from the blue ones that captured his. After looking away and grabbed the remote and continued to flick through the channels. "I know things look bleak, but just think it can only get better."

"On the contrary Dean, given our situation with Lucifer and what possible paths lay before us, I'm afraid it can only get worse." Dean was a little taken back the matter of fact manner in which he spoke, Dean couldn't let thoughts like that in, there had to be a silver lining so to speak.

"Bright side Cas, bright side."

"All I have is my faith Dean, and I don't know what I have faith in anymore, so you tell me. What's the bright side?" that sat in silence for a second.

"I will always have faith, in you." The angel looked to his charge, how did Dean do it?

"How about we break into a bottle."

"Aye, man after me own heart." Dean smiled eager to get back his ability breathe and stop this very intense chick flick moment, he stood and got the whisky from the side and continued to speak as he got two glasses. "You know I was thinking, what I said the other day about sleep, I really think you should give it a go. You said your self you're exhausted."

"I do not require sleep."

"Screw what you require Cas you feel now, do what feels good."

"Dreaming does look, pleasant." Cas spoke as he watched Dean's back as he watched him pour the two of them a well deserved drink as he thought of Dean sleeping, wishing he knew what he was dreaming about.

"It is, it can give you things you can't have in real life, make your troubles feel like, there over the rainbow and back in Kansas. " Cas curiosity now burnt so much more.

"I would like that very much."

"Good, here. Does good to switch of once in a while."

"Thank you Dean." Cas took the drink and the two sat next to each other in silence until Cas asked nervously. "Couldn't you not tell Sam? What I told you?"

"Sure." He told Cas with a smile, oh god that smile the angel thought.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading please review :P xx<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to everyone who have reviewed my last chapters :3 it means a lot xx**

**The story starts to pick up and get more into the story from here and at a faster pace as well :') **

**WARNINGS for naughty angel dreams ;D LOL**

**sorry for any mistakes on grammar or spelling xx**

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><p>Sam came into the room swinging the door wide, not being able to stop the bang that made both Dean and Cas jump because the hunter's arms were full of food, beer, clothes and pie not forgetting pie.<p>

Cas stood as he heard the door bang, of course wearing Dean's jeans and them being too big, they slipped down from his slender hips. Now Dean didn't mind lending the guy trousers or a t-shirt but there was no way he was letting Cas borrow his underwear so when the jeans Cas ended up flashing his dick.

"Cas." Dean shouted as he jumped back slightly from surprise, before roughly pulling the mans trousers up as fast as he could, Sam on the other hand got an entirely different view, of Dean sitting directly in front of the angel pulling up his jeans and Sam even caught a glimpse of what the angel was packing, the situation looked very…'interesting'.

"Have I come at a bad time?" Sam asked very so slightly embarrassed not as much as Dean and Cas though, who were by now red and flustered. Dean stood and glared at Sam.

"Shut up Sammy; tell me you have his clothes in there, that actually fit him." Dean told his brothers as he pointed to Cas who stood awkwardly in the room trying not to catch Sam's eye and holding onto his trousers so tight his hand was hurting.

"Seems to be doing alright." Sam joked and Dean merely glared. "Yes Dean I have them here, here you go Cas." Sam tossed the angel his clothes who nodded in thanks before scurrying of to the bathroom to get changed. Though if he was honest with himself he wanted to keep the t shirt, it was comfortable and smelt like Dean.

By the time Cas re-emerged from the bathroom in his correct attire the boys were already eating their food.

"I think you're right Dean." Cas informed the hunter as he placed Dean's now folded clothes back into his duffle, looking up to find both brother waiting for him to continue. "About sleeping, dreaming. I want to try it."

"That's great Cas." Dean told him though the words were muffled by the chew food swirling around deans open mouth. Cas liked Dean but sometimes he was repelled by him. "When?"

"Dean, please desist talking to me when you have yet to swallow." Sam couldn't help but smirk and he held in the laugh he felt pushing its way up, the image in his mind of what he walked in on still firmly branded in his mind, Dean kicked his brother under the table before turning back to the angel and rolled his eyes, after swallowing he continued.

"When do you want to try this?" He asked Cas suddenly unsure of the whole thing, but it's the only way he could think of that could take him close to feeling the way Dean did without breaking his promise not to dream visit the hunter.

"Tonight I suppose." Dean nodded and wiped his hands before standing and making his way to the door, both Cas and Sam looked to him confused. "I'm going to book you a room, you can't sleep on that sofa it all springy and their aren't any spare beds in here are there."

"He could share with you." Sam told his brother with the biggest smirk; Dean swore at him and left as Cas' cheeks flushed. "Sorry Cas, I just like to see him squirm." Cas nodded before flying to the help desk of the motel.

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><p>Dean approached the man behind the counter at the motel help desk, he hadn't seen this guy before but he looked friendly enough with short cut brown hair with red highlights.<p>

"Hey there looking for a room?"

"Erm yeah, for one please. With a big bed." Dean added, he wanted Cas to be comfortable if he was going to be attempting sleep.

"Okay let me see." the man was looking at the room that were available, when Dean heard the distinct sound of Cas' wings fluttering him into the room.

"Dean, I'm not sure about this." He whispered into the hunter's ear.

"aye yes, room 23." The man informed Dean as he looked up, his eyes went to the man standing behind Dean. "You looking for a room sir?"

"Erm, I'm with him. Dean's sorting it." Cas informed the man, who's smile fell as little as he looked in-between the two, then his smile returned three fold when he saw Dean's face go so red as he glared at the shorter man.

"Okay, well 23 is available gentleman, nice big bed." he winked to Dean who near enough died feeling like he must be back in hell.

"It's not like that." The hunter assured the motel worker. "We're not, I mean I'm not. the rooms not for," Dean couldn't finish either one of his sentences as he tripped over his words, people thinking him and Sam were gay that was mortifying enough but him and Cas? That's a whole new level of embarrassment. The man behind the counter just handed Dean a key and winked at the angel, before Dean sighed taking the key and quickly leaving the room, dragging Cas with him, probably giving the dude the wrong impression, again.

"Enjoy your big bed." he told the angel as he tried not to laugh, Cas just frowned at him, completely confused. When they were outside Dean let go of Cas' arm and they could here the howl of laughter from inside.

"Dean, I don't understand what's going on."

"Nothing, it's nothing. Just, better go to bed Cas. Me and Sam are going to hit the hay." Cas was a little hurt he was essentially being told to go to his room, but nodded and flew away, Dean still holding onto the key, but he figured Cas didn't need it and this way Dean had emergency access to the angel if needs be during the night, so went back to his room.

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><p>A second later Cas was standing in his room for the night, it looked much like Sam and Dean's, apart from there was only one large bed instead of two, Cas felt like he should know something, should have figured out what that man was talking about but he couldn't, it was very frustrating, sleeping did seem a favourable option. So the angel took of his trench coat and jacket, not really wanting too considering he only just got them back, but he knew it wasn't right for sleeping, he also knew Dean slept in his boxers but Cas didn't feel comfortable with that so took his shoes and socks off, his tie and shirt and went to bed in his trousers.<p>

It was hard, harder then it should be, harder then it looks, trying to switch of enough, it's not that angels can't sleep they just don't need too, Cas just has to relax his grace enough to tap into his unconscious well into Jimmy's mind to generate and stimulate Cas' which was also more complicated then merely laying down and wait for sleep to over come you.

Cas went to bed around eleven, the bed was rather comfy and the mattress beneath him instantly relaxed him. the angel finally drifted into sleep around half twelve, he couldn't stop the convocation he had with Dean earlier from whizzing around his mind, he told Dean his deepest worries and fears and he didn't laugh, in fact he helped. That man was full of surprises, or maybe he didn't know the hunter as well as he thought.

Castiel soon found that when angels have dreams, it's a completely different experience than humans, he's pulled into a situation he can't control, but he has complete control over his body, like when a human has an amazingly vivid dream but more life like than that, plus he knows it's a dream. Cas soon discovered the meaning of living your dreams.

Cas found himself in Dean and Sam's bathroom again, naked again. Then came that same bang on the door and dream Dean's voice 'Hey Cas, Sam's going for food if you give me your clothes he'll get them washed for you.' This time though Cas didn't pick up his clothes, he looked at them for a second before opening the door a little.

"Dean?" he asked, this was a dream, it was defiantly a dream, why was he dreaming of this?

Cas had no time to think about it because as soon as he opened the door ajar dream Dean kicked it open making Cas jump, then slammed the door shut grabbed a very naked angel and throwing him against the door, Cas was just about to fight back when dream Dean threw himself against the door too, well against Cas. Colliding their lips as Cas tensed completely, this wasn't happening! Dream Dean pulled away from the angel and saw how taken back and well scared he looked.

"What's the matter baby?" dream Dean asked as he moved his finger tips up and down Cas' naked arm. "Just relax." He reassured Cas before moving in this time slowly and brought their lips together to a tender kiss, Cas kissed dream Dean back, what was he doing he asked himself.

Their lips moved together dream slowly, Dean slowly adding his warm tongue wrapping it around the angel's as Cas licked the inside of dream Dean's mouth willingly. Dream Dean's hand slowly moved down the very naked angel's body until he got to his hard cock, just as dream Dean took hold, Cas found himself sitting on the motels sofa in Dean's clothes.

Cas tried settle into his new location after the last one, which was hard because dream Dean was with him again and he had hold of Cas' hand and was in the process on sucking his fingers so he was a little, distracted. When dream Sam came in the way he did in real life and Cas stood the way he did before. Only this time when his jeans fell his flies were already undone and his borrowed trousers fell revealing a massive boner Cas didn't even know he had and instead of dream Dean pulling them up like he did before, he launched himself onto Cas' throbbing cock, sucking hard and fast with his wet and well practised mouth.

Dream Sam came in and Cas tried to push dream Dean off but he just picked up the pace. Dream Sam simply rolled his eyes and turned his back as soon as he saw.

"Dude! Seriously how many times, god!" he shouted as he covered his eyes "put a tie on the door or something," he shouted to Dean as he grabbed the impala keys. "You could at least stop when I come in!" the hunter shouted and dream Dean just flipped him off as he ran his teeth along Cas' cock causing him to moan aloud and dream Sam hurry out.

Cas could feel an intense feeling stir with in him he was about to release any second but before he could, he found himself standing beside dream Dean at the motel help desk, this was getting ridicules Cas thought, he was back in his trench coat and suit once again he recognised the scene. "Okay, well 23 is available gentleman, nice big bed." the man behind the desk told dream Dean before winking at him, only this time instead of dream Dean becoming a stuttering idiot he put his arm around the angel and took the key of the man before pulling Cas in for a passionate kiss.

"Sound's good to me, come on baby." Dream Dean whispered to Cas before dragging the angel out of the room and the hunter pinned him against the outside wall and devouring his lips as he ripped the angels shirt open.

Cas started to get very worried about his dreams, very situation ends the same, before Cas could do anything he found himself on his motel room bed, naked with a naked Dean on top on him, Cas felt uncomfortable for a second then he realised why, Dean's fingers were _inside_ him. Cas started to freak out he wanted to push away but it felt too damn good. he shuddered and moaned with every movement Dean made.

"Dean?" he asked uncertain of what was going to happen, Dream Dean was currently licking the angels nipples, Cas couldn't stop the moans of his hands that ran through Dean's hair.

"Shhh, it's alright baby, I've got you." Dream Dean whispered into his ear and bit the lobe gently, making him shiver. Dream Dean removed his fingers and put his dick to Cas' hole, just as he began to move in a sharp hiss of pain attack every inch of his body and Cas sat up in his bed, awake.

His eyes wide and hair wet from sweat, his whole body damp and glistening with it. His breathing was frantic as he tried to calm down, his wings were in full view for humans to see, he figured when asleep his has little control over his grace which included shielding his wings. Cas was confused and gagging for water and he didn't ever need to drink, his head was swirling, he was so confused which made the angel panicky. He did the only thing he could or wanted to do he flew to Dean. He arrived in the Winchesters room which more than a dodgy landing he banged into the table making both boys wake and produce guns, Cas was a little wobbly on his feet the dream ready disorientated him, he wasn't used to this reality yet and flying was not a good idea so soon.

"Dean," Cas breathed out before collapsing onto his knees, his wings folding around him as he panted.

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><p><strong>there you go so cas' first dream ;) lol<strong>

**please review xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**the plan for this chapter kept changing lol so although it took a while to update i have now got an idea for the next three chapters :D so its all good ^_^ **

**anyway thank you for all the reviews they make me happy :')**

**usual warning for spelling and grammar xxxx**

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><p>Both hunters sprang into action and ran to the angel Dean getting to him first and grabbing his arm trying to get the attention of the angel with glazy eyes.<p>

"Cas? Cas can you hear me?" Dean shouted as Sam took his other arm and pulled him to his feet. The bothers looked to each other both as lost as the other and both in awe of the man's wings, though it did make it more difficult to hold him. Cas soon gained focus and looked up, of course he looked to Dean first then to Sam before pushing the brothers away slightly so he could stand on his own. The sweat covered, breathless, half naked angel stumbled his way to the motel room's sofa.

The brother's stood in silence as they watched the angel pant and try to calm down. Dean went to the sink to get the angel some water as Sam continued to stare.

"Cas, are you okay?"

"Don't ask stupid questions Sam." Sam rolled his eyes and Dean made his way back over with a smirk on his face.

"Here Cas." Dean told him as he handed Cas a glass, Sam was just about to open his mouth and be a smart ass and remind his brother that angels not need to drink when Cas took the glass from the hunter and gulped down the water in one before giving him an empty glass back. Sam had to wonder how Dean knew exactly what he needed when he never needed it before, it was odd.

"Thank you Dean." Cas panted out, his breathing slowled, though he couldn't seem to be able to look the brothers in the eye so he stared at the dirty motel carpet. they shouldnt see him seeming so weak.

"Cas, you know your wings are on show." Dean told him, he couldn't take his eyes of them they were, beautiful.

"Oh, yeah." Cas had forgot about that, but he had no energy to hid them, and his focus was something he was seriously lacking, he looked behind him at them, they were smaller then he remembers, "Sorry." He told them still not looking at the hunters.

"No it's okay, they're nice" Dean reassured the angel before he could stop himself, Sam looked at him with a bewildered what the fuck are you on bitch face, Dean knew he shouldn't have said that but he also knew he was telling the truth, thankfully Dean was quick on his feet and though fast so a cocky face smile plastered over his face as he turned to his baby brother, "What you don't like them?" making Sam roll his eyes and open his mouth.

"I had a dream." Both hunters attention snapped to Cas who was now staring at his hands.

"What about?" Dean asked, both boys gagging for an answer, what would an angel dream about. What could Cas say? He could hardly tell them the truth but he couldn't lye, Cas soon decided lying would be a lesser of two evils so he quickly thought of a plausible answer that hopefully wouldn't get too many questions.

"Lucifer." He mumbled to himself the brothers looked at each other as they winced, of course an angel would dream about the oncoming apocalypse, poor guy. Like he doesnt get enough of that when he's awake.

"Wow man, sorry." Dean told him as he patted his back, feeling a little crappy for asking.

"Yeah it was," for the first since the convocation started Cas looked up and caught the eye of Dean, "unexpected." He whispered in his gruff voice, their gaze locked and all the memories of the dream he had danced around Cas' head, he could still feel every touch, he could still taste Dean lips, smell his sent, everything all those sensations that dream had conjured were still beating loudly inside him. Castiel's gaze was so intense that Dean had to swallow to rid himself of the lump that formed him in suddenly dry throat.

"You know it was just a dream Cas." Sam interrupted; Dean looked to him and clapped his shoulder before joining Cas on the sofa making the angel tense and freeze momentarily.

"Yeah I mean it didn't mean anything, dreams don't mean anything Cas. It wasn't real, okay?"

"I felt it, everything seemed, real. I don't want to go back to that room tonight Dean." Cas spoke almost embarrassed, like the room had defeated him.

"Sure, stay here. Sammy, get to bed." Dean threw over his shoulder to the hunter that stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, too tired to pull of his full on bitch face but he gave it ago nonetheless.

"What?"

"I'll stay up with Cas," both Sam and Cas looked to the hunter as if he were speaking a different language. "You shouldn't be alone." Dean told the angel as he wriggled a little getting comfy on the sofa that by most standards wasn't.

"Dean that is not necessary." Cas assured the hunter that looked even more tired than his brother.

"Cas is right we've got a long day of work tomorrow."

"Sammy I've had a few hours I'm fine, it's you that gets cranky if you don't get your beauty sleep, not me. So stop whining like a bitch."

"Whatever jerk, I'm beat." Sam decided not to argue but ready his I told you so's for the morning, Dean had a smirk of victory over his face as Sam climbed into bed

Dean and Cas sat in a comfortable silence for a while as Sam started to drift back into dream. The hunter's eyes lingered on the floor as he listened to Sammy's breathing start to steady and Cas fidget his damp skin uncomfortable against the coarse fabric of the couch. Dean's mind wondered, he couldn't help but feel guilty for making Cas feeling this way, he looked awful, he made Cas sleep made him dream, probably the worst dream he could have dreamt. The hunter just wished he could do more to help the poor confused angel sitting next to him.

"You help by being here Dean, it calms me knowing you have my back." His eyes shot up to meet Cas' as the hunter's mouth fell open, how did Cas know?

"Have you been reading my thoughts again? After I specifically told you,"

"No," the angel quickly told him knowing how Dean didn't like that sort of thing. "I don't need to see your thoughts in order to read your mind,"

"Is it like a sense thing you feathered folk have?" Cas' face wrinkled in confused as his head moved to the side slightly, Dean's eyes quickly found the floor.

"I don't understand."

"Never mind Cas."

"It's nothing to do with my angel powers, what's left of them, I know you Dean, I can read you without actually reading you." Green meet blue again, what Cas was saying really touched Dean, it really did not that he would ever tell him, ever. Someone knows him, he didn't realised until now how little people really know him and how little people cared about that, but Cas did and does. The angel knew him as well as he knows himself. Sam has that in his brother but Dean had never been that close to anyone and suddenly here Cas was 'reading' him.

He cleared his throat and put on his cocky smirk, pushing all girly thoughts of a hug out of his brain kinda hoping that wasn't one of those things that Cas 'reads'.

"Okay, what am I thinking right now?"

"It doesn't work like that Dean and you know it."

"Yeah." Silence fell between them both staring at the floor and listened to Sam snore lightly. "I'm sorry. I would never have pushed you to sleep if I knew how dreams would affect you."

"It's okay; it wasn't because I was dreaming it was that" Cas swallowed as he looked to Dean's mouth remembers how it felt around his cock. "Particular dream."

"Tell me about it."

"Excuse me?"

"Your dream, tell me."

"I, I would really rather not." Cas shook his head and looked down, determined not to catch the hunters eye knowing full well lying was not one of his strengths.

"You sure? It could help." Dean was a little disappointed that Cas was no longer sharing.

"It won't, but thank you." A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"'s alright man, now lets watch TV." Dean told the angel as he looked for the remote, even thought the TV was a metre away it was either looking for the remote or watch that damn angel smile and Dean decided it to be safer to not choose the latter.

"I find TV meaningless and mind numbing."

"Good, perfect for you after the night you had." Dean told him as he flicked on the TV, making sure the volume was down so it didn't wake Sam. "Used to do this with Sammy when he was a kid."

"Do what?"

"Stay up when he had a nightmare."

"I didn't have a nightmare and I'm not a kid Dean." Cas blurted out, a little annoyed he didn't like the thought of himself as weak and certainly didn't enjoy the thought of Dean thinking he was.

"Okay calm down, I'm just saying, did the dream scare you?"

"In places." Cas mumbled as he remembered Dean's fingers pressed inside him, he squirmed slightly were he was sitting he could almost feel it.

"Sounds like a nightmare to me dude. We're watching this movie." He told him, not leaving the statement up for discussion.

The men sat for a little while in silence, neither of them realised they kept glancing at the other, not until their eyes met and they felt incredibly uncomfortable, so much so that Dean got up and got two beers. He passed one to Cas who just held it as Dean drank his next to him, he didn't want more alcohol, not tonight. Not after,

"I don't understand what this is about." He told the hunter as he motioned to the TV. Dean rolled his eyes and tried to explain quickly before his favourite and only good part came.

"Basically the big boat sinks and lots people die, and two lovers can never be together. Based on true events."

"What if the erm" Cas tried to remember it's name and even gave it air quotes, something that Dean couldn't not smile at. "'Titanic' didn't sink?"

"I dunno man, can't imagine it would make much of a difference. Just shhh and watch, stop philosophising everything, Winslet's rack is on soon." He dismissed the question as he took another swig.

"Rack?" the angel needed verification.

"Boobs Cas the hot girls boobs are about to come on so shhh."

"I don't wish to see." Cas informed him as his eyes fell to the carpet.

"Tough." Dean told him, that hurt Cas didn't know why but it did, it didn't take him long to recognised the now familiar feeling, it was jealously, of a movie? Cas was getting irritation it didn't make sense, he grabbed his beer and downed it in one before helping himself to another from the fridge. Dean frowned as he watched he was a little confused and a little worried, but just then Dean's attention was snatched back to the screen that know filled with the tits of Kate Winslet, Dean watched and suddenly it was not how he remembered them, he no longer saw the appeal they didn't do anything for him. Dean thought it strange, but then again he has seen her tits many times and doesn't tend to keep interest in one girl, he figured that must be it. So he turned to Cas with greater ease then he was expecting the angel was next to him eyes closed empty bottle tightly in his hand.

"Cas, I know your not asleep." No answer. "come on man." no answer "Don't make me tickle you dude." still no answer "Fine then you bring this all on your self." Dean edged towards the angels wondering if angels could even be tickled. The hunter lightly ran his hands up his chest, remembering too late that he was shirtless but he couldn't stop now, he didnt wan to. he felt Cas' firm warm skin beneath his fingers. He got to Cas' Adams apple holding the back of his neck with his fingers he brushed it with his thumb as he swallowed, a very minuet smile appeared on the angels face at the contact.

Dean shook his head and brought both hands to Cas' sides and dug his fingers into the skin and roughly tickled his sides. Cas jumped up as his eyes shot open in confusion and suprised as he wriggled trying to ge away. What was Dean doing! it hurt a little but made his stomach bubble and burst threw his mouth, it was pleasant yet uncomfortable at the same time, he grabbed Dean back as both men laughed and tried their hardest to win, what ever competition they were competing.

Dean had never seen Cas laugh, it was amazing, like his grace rose to the surface of his face and bathed his features in beauty, even his eyes seemed to sparkle. After a few moments Dean moved up and started to straddle the angel trying to pin him and get him to surrender, innocent enough.

Unfortunately Dean forgot that angels have wings the movement startled Cas, he wasn't expecting it, made him nervous and a little scared, his wings came up and stretched out suddenly, the ceiling stopped them from unfolding the whole way as they flared out across the room, it made Dean scretch a little as he jumped and lost balance and fell off of the angel and landed on the floor hitting his end as he did. Cas jumped back and quickly darted to the hunter.

"Dean? Are you okay?" Cas asked face inches from Dean's face, his body half draped over Dean's and Cas' wings fallen either side on his body encasing the two in a bubble of feathers. The hunter opened his eyes and smiled to the angel above him.

"Am I dreaming?" he asked Cas was a little taken back from the question, he physically shook when Dean ran the back of his fingers of his right hand down Cas' cheek. The angel couldn't speak so just shook his head. "I wish I was." Dean whispered to a very confused looking angel above him, Dean allowed himself a few moments before sitting up, Cas moved back and crouched by his feet watching him move.

"I don't understand what is happening." The angel mumbled as he looked to the floor, Dean felt so sorry for the guy, his wings draped around him as the light from the window beat gently to his back making his still slightly damp naked chest glisten slightly, how could Cas ever understand Dean thought.

"It's nothing Cas, just an accident." Cas nodded but still refused to catch his eye. "Could you put your wings away?"

"Of course." Cas got up a little embarrassed and within a blink of an eye his wings had faded, and he awkwardly settled back onto the sofa, Dean joined him a moment later. "How's the head?"

Dean didn't answer he just chuckle slightly and switched channels. They sat in silence, watched some weird ass TV programme and drank beers for much of the night. Somewhere along the line Dean must have fallen asleep because he woke up in the morning and once again Cas had gone.

He was getting sick of going to sleep with Cas and waking up without the god damn angel around.

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><p><strong>Please review :D xxxx<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, they make me happy :D**

**usual warning for spelling and grammar**

**xxx**

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><p>"Morning sleeping beauty." Sam told him from his bed were he sat cleaning his gun. Dean got up and after a stretch and a quick glance around the room he spoke.<p>

"Where's Cas?"

"Hello to you too," Dean shot Sam a warning look he rolled his eyes and continued "I dunno he wasn't here when I woke up."

"Crap." He mumbled to himself and left the room grabbing Cas' room keys on the way out. Dean knew Cas had to return to the room because his clothes were there, Dean had the feeling they had to have one of those uncomfortable chats. He was just hoping the angel stayed in his room. It was empty.

Dean uncertainly made his way towards the help desk.

"Hey there." The man greeted him, the same guy from last night and a hot flush instantly coated his features, Dean's eyes caught his own reflection on the way to him, the fact he looked so tired didn't help his case that he and Cas weren't gay, and by the smile that the man wore he thought he knew why Dean looked tired, this was going to be a long day the hunter thought.

"Have you seen the guy that I was with last night? Room 23." The man's smile dropped slightly as he shifted on his feet.

"Sorry dude but I err, saw him sneaking out of some other room half naked this morning. Sorry." Dean just rolled his eyes at the cautiousness in the man's voice.

"What time?"

"About two hours ago."

"Great, wait. He walked from the other room? Like with his legs." Dean couldn't believe it, Cas doesn't walk, he hates walking, takes too long to get anywhere that way.

"Yeah, what you expect the guy to fly." Yes Dean thought, but put on a painful fake laugh and tried to sound breezy.

"No, no of course not, do you know what he did next? Where he went."

"Yeah he came in here to pay." Deans eyebrows hit the ceiling did he just hear that right?

"Pay."

"Yeah, for the room." What the hell was going on, Cas had no money wouldn't know what to do with it even if he did.

"With what!"

"What do you think, credit card."

"Who's!" the man behind the desk was getting a little edgy by deans confused behaviour.

"Look." He took out a receipt and showed it to the hunter. Dean read the name and he thought he must still be dreaming, everything was too surreal.

"Jimmy? Fuck, Jimmy Novak!"

"The card is valid right?" the man asked suspiciously, Dean really needed to keep his cool.

"Yeah, just thought he was someone else. fuck." The motel worker had a hundred and one questions but didn't have the nerve to ask them Dean looked ready to hit someone or cry it was hard to tell.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything is fine." He growled to the man, he didn't mean to sound like a dick but it was a stupid question, he stormed out of the room and back to his and Sam's room.

Sam jumped when Dean burst through the door, he looked a little flushed.

"Sammy we have a problem." Sam instantly went into hunter mode.

"What?" he asked expected news on the big bad; he stood and approached his brother preparing himself for the worst.

"I don't know where Cas is." Dean huffed out sounding way more desperate then he intended, Sam tried to stop the laughter that was pushed and begging to be realised.

"What?" he chuckled out. "You're serious." He stated after catching a worried look in his brothers eye.

"He walked to the other room, he didn't fly he walked, when was the last time he walked anywhere?"

"Well,"

"And he paid, using Jimmy's credit card. How would he even know how to do that?" Sam had to admit this was a little odd.

"What are you thinking?"

"I think that maybe we should be looking for Jimmy not Cas." Dean sighed as he roughly sat onto one of the chairs.

"I don't know." Sam joined Dean at the table, he was unconvinced that it was a possibility but then again he didn't know Cas like Dean did.

"He was really torn up about that damn dream Sam, what if it affected him or Lucifer got to him in his dream or something."

"Dean I think you're over reacting."

"Really? Then tell me you're not worried at all, because what I told you is just typical Cas behaviour." Dean got up turned his back to Sam and ran a hand over his face, waiting for his brothers reply that he knew wasn't coming. "Right."

"What do you wanna do?" Dean spun back around and started to deliver orders.

"You stay here and phone him and I'll go look for him." Sam couldn't stop his eyes rolling.

"Dean, you know were on a case, lives are at stake." Dean paused, he had completely forgotten about that.

"You're right, I'll phone him, you get to work and I'll go look for him."

"He'll be okay." Sam assured his brother as Dean made his way to the door.

"He's our best weapon against the apocalypse and Sam he's our friend and he might be in trouble. The last time Jimmy came back Cas was taken to heaven were they did god knows what to get him in line." Sam saw the pain in his face, and nodded he could do the job on his own, Dean needed to do this.

"You're right, you go." Dean nodded in thanks before leaving the room, thankfully he left Sam the impala, what sort of agent would he be without a car.

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><p>Cas didn't answer his mobile, not that Dean had expected him to though. The hunter wondered down the street, he could literally be anywhere in the world, he was tempted to start ringing New York shelters since Cas seemed to get peace from it but then again if he was dealing with Jimmy then he would have to check Amelia and Clare because they were now in danger, but Dean clung to the hopeless idea that he was still looking for his angel.<p>

Dean decided that there was only one place he needed to check. If Cas was still Cas, if he was anywhere in this town it would be here Dean thought as he walked into the park and scanned the grounds. His heart twisted when he spotted a familiar figure sitting idian style under a tree, would Cas sit under a tree when a bench is a few metres away? Dean swallowed the fear that brought him out in a cold sweet at the thought he has lost Cas and approached the man he prayed wasn't human.

"Jimmy?" Dean asked as he stood under the tree trying to get his attention.

"Sorry to disappoint you Dean but no, it's me." Cas slowly told the hunter staring straight ahead not wanting to look him in the eye.

"Oh thank god." Dean breathed out the breath that had been hitched in his throat since he first spotted him under the oak. His angel was still here. Dean sat down next to Cas and after a quick glance to his face started looking in the same direction as the angel. "Don't you ever do that again."

"What did I do?" Cas asked sounded a little surprised and rather guilty, knowing what he does when Dean's asleep and how pissed Dean would be if he knew.

"You disappeared." Okay Cas wasn't expecting that.

"I usually do." he told him face knotted in confused.

"Well I don't like it." Dean snapped causing a faint pink tint to grow in Dean's cheeks and Cas to look at the hunter for the first time since he found him, causing Dean to flush even more under his intense gaze.

"You've never expressed a dislike to it before;" Cas eyes fell to the floor he was finding it hard to look Dean in the eye. "On the contrary you seem to be more comfortable when I'm not around." Dean should have heard the discomfort and hurt in his voice he should have felt empathy maybe even pity but he didn't, he just felt anger, this was Cas he was supposed to know him and here he is making accusations and assumptions just to fit in with his own self pitty, that in it self should have been cause for comfort but it wasn't, Dean spat out his words.

"Don't talk shit Cas you know as well as I do that's not true." Cas' eyes snapped up to Dean's, who's eyes instantly softened when he saw them, the hunter took a breath to calm down, he took hold of Cas' arm to keep his attention and eye contact, perhaps even to keep him from flying away, he needed to know the answers to his questions, though was unsure as to why they were so important. "Why did you just leave? And through the door at that, you walked Cas. I thought you were gone I thought you had left,"

"Left?" Cas needed verification, of course he had left Dean didn't know where he was, why was Dean upset about this.

"Yeah like gone back to heaven or something." Cas' stomach dropped he felt a strange urge to vomit even though he hasn't ever done so before, could angels vomit? The fear in Dean's voice made something stir within him, what was happening it was like his insides decided to shift position.

"You know that's impossible." he almost whispered, he didnt want to speak the words he hated talking about heaven and how he was cut off, it made him feel, sad. cas hated feeling this way though he felt it the most.

"I'm sure if you made a case they would forgive you." Dean tried fruitlessly to comfort Cas they both knew it was useless.

"I think you underestimate how little angels care. How little their capacity is to forgive if it wasn't ordered." How had people misjudged angels to drastically, Cas looked away and stared at his hands that were placed neatly on his lap and for the first time since he rebelled Cas felt ashamed to be an angel.

"I think you underestimate how hard you are to say no too." Cas couldn't not smile and that, even though it did sound cheesy. Both hunter and angel blushed at Dean's words, thankfully Cas' gaze was still down, it made sitting were he was just bearable for Dean, if he saw those eyes right now it would be way to chicky for his liking. They sat in silence for a few moments when Cas took in a breath and answered Dean's question.

"I had to get away."

"From what? Me?"

"Yes, and myself. I am confused I don't like it."

"About the dream?" yes about the fucking dream, Cas thought; you pinned me against the wall, sucked my cock and began to fuck me so yeah that fucking dream confused me. Cas must have looked deep in thought because his face prompted Dean to move and sit directly in front of him so Cas had no choice up to look at him, unfortunately now Cas had a boner from just thinking about the dream he prayed that Dean didn't notice, he prayed like crazy. "Cas it doesn't mean anything."

"What do you dream about?" Cas pleaded, all he wanted to do was to know what cause that smile. the smile he never says when Dean's wakes the smile that is reserved for dreams, that still gives him butterflies and knots in his stomach every time, he didn't think it possible. "Please tell me I need to know."

"I told you."

"Yeah, frisky women. I don't believe you. Tell me please."

"Fine. well, I, I dream of Sam, Bobby, you and people I know. That's not to say I don't have whacked out dreams were I'm a pirate or a cowboy or a time travelling teddy bear doctor. Don't ask. But generally I dream of a life that's simple, were I'm happy and things don't try and kill me."

"So we dream about what we want?"

"We can do it's not really up to us, but dreams aren't real. Remember that." but angels dreams work differently to humans, does Cas have some subconscious control? his dream was really specific mirroring the events of that day, what if? cas shook his head slightly and blinked those throughts away, he wasn't going to allow himself.

"Thank you. I can't stop thinking about it." Cas whispered at flashes of Dean's hot wet mouth wrapped around his dick danced threw his mind as he stared into those striking sea green eye that even with the shade the oak provided them still shone and captivated the angel.

"That's understandable," Dean looked to the sky he really didn't want to do this but he knew he had to. He let lose a little too much and was hoping despite his emotions, Cas was still an adorably backwards social retard to figure out what he meant, not that he thought of Cas as adorable. "Cas do you think we should discuss what happened last night."

"What did happen last night?" thank fuck Dean thought, and laughed a little in relief that just made Cas tilt his head in confusion.

"Nothing, it's nothing I just thought, doesn't matter, come on lets go back to the motel room." Dean got up and brushed himself down before turning, the angel didn't follow him, didn't move. "Cas?"

"I think I'll stay here."

"Why?"

"I need to think." which was true, he needed to clear his head but also get rid of his throbbing dick that felt very noticable threw his slacks through he didn't chance a look down knowing that would just encourage dean to look, though he probable already saw, Cas was so embarrased, he hated that emotions to made him feel so foolish and, human.

"You want me to stay with you?" oh god yes Cas thought as all those images of a naked him being pinned to the door flooded back to him and he had to bite his lip a little to muffle the groan he felt coming just from the memory of a dream, he needed to get a grip he thought.

"That's not necessary please. I shall return before long."

"Okay I've got my phone on me and Cas. Just remember to come back." The hunter didn't mean to sound as desperate as he did but he didn't really care, after a beat of silence Dean realised he was still staring so nodded to Cas who returned the favour before he turned and left leaving Cas alone. Cas watched Dean walk away, closed his eyes and muttered to himself.

"I'll always come back to you."

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><p><strong>N'aw melodramatic worrying Dean makes me aw lol ^_^<strong>

**please review :D xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you to those that have reviewed alerted and favourated this story xxx :D**

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><p>Cas wasn't sure how long he was sat staring at his hands but when he looked up it was dark, angels live for such a long time, its easy loose days like this, because really a day for an angel is like a minute for a human, though this has been applying less and less for Castiel he was beginning to realise how slow time actually went but how fast it can pass you by.<p>

He pulled out Jimmy's wallet from his trouser pocket where he found it last night when he started to shuffle and distract himself from a dozing Dean. He opened it and stares at the photo inside, his wife and daughter. A horrible pull in Cas' stomach made him look away from their smiling, innocent faces, he had ripped that family apart, they were good people they didn't deserve what he was putting them through. They deserved to be happy; all Jimmy did was believe in god and look what he did to him. Castiel felt guilty, a horrible new emotion that made him ashamed of himself, and want to set things right, let Jimmy go. But he knows that's impossible he would go straight back to his family, like he should but it would only put them in danger and then he would be left without a vessel. He put the photo away and put the wallet back in his pocket before his heart broke anymore, the damage was done he couldn't go back he couldn't make it right. Cas needed to feel something that didn't hurt him, something good. He knew exactly where to go.

With a swipe of his wings he fluttered into the motel room, both hunters were asleep and he strolled immediately to Dean's sleeping body. Dean was lying on his back right arm under his pillow more than likely griping a knife or gun or weapon of some sort and his left was on his stomach. Cas stood by his bed and waited, it didn't take long before, Cas felt an air bubble form in his throat, that smile. Cas couldn't help himself, he knelt by the bed and towered over the man's body, so close he felt his warmth.

Cas moved forward slowly so his nose gently grazing the sleeping hunters check as he nuzzled slightly, he felt that little speck of stubble and smelt his scent, the movement made Dean stir a little in his sleep and Cas jump back, so much he fell on his butt as he froze and watched Dean fidget a little. Cas stayed were he was for a few minutes making saw that the hunter was still asleep, when he was certain he was he crawled back to his side.

Cas lent forward so his face was back to being inches away from Dean's, warm breath hit the angel hit giving him goosebumps each time, his right hand started to trace Dean's features making sure he wasn't making contact but close enough to almost feel him.

The angel moved again, so his face was directly above Dean's, his breathing became rusty as he stared at his lips, before he could help himself he lowered himself and pressed his lips against Dean's, it was soft so soft that the skin of their lips barley touched but was enough for Cas to have life and energy rush through him as his heart rate doubled. Cas' eyes were wide as he parted, he couldn't believe he just did that but then, Dean smiled in his sleep again and did some strange thing with his mouth and nose that crinkled his face Cas couldn't work it out, but it was still mesmerising. He brought their lips together again, a little firmer then before, to Cas' surprise Dean kissed him back, was this normal? Was Dean awake? Cas didn't care he grabbed Dean's t shirt and pulled him closer, the hunter kissed back hard and soon started to moan, despite his heavy breathing he could still hear Dean's and as it shifted he realised Dean was waking, Cas panicked he sucked Dean bottom lips a little before flying to the other side of the room he couldn't leave the motel he wasn't strong enough to loose sight of the man, Dean shot up eyes wide and panting he looked around the room, Cas hadn't forgotten to go invisible to human eye so he wasn't spotted.

Dean sighed as he looked under the covers to his hard on, before raising a hand, brushing his fingers over his lips and closed his eyes remembering the contact.

"Dammit Cas." the hunter mumbled as he rolled his eyes to looked at the ceiling.

Cas was completely shell shocked at hearing those two words fall from the mans mouth. Yeah he seemed annoyed but not surprised the hunter defiantly asleep but how did he know what's the angel had done? Did Dean think the whole thing was a dream? If he did he didn't seem taken back by it. What was going on? All Cas wanted to do was approach him; feel him, touch him, smell him, but for the life of him he could couldn't move. Dean had said his name Cas was more confused then he had ever been.

The angel was frozen in place in the small dirty kitchen and watched wide eyed as Dean fell back onto his lumpy mattress and stared at the ceiling. The angel had to fight with every ounce of strength he had not to read Dean's thoughts, though the soft lazy smile that he wore as he ran the fingers of his left had up and down his chest gave the angel ideas of the kinds of thought he could be having, stupid crazy ideas that were impossible, should be impossible.

Dean looked over to Sam quickly checking he was asleep before his left hand disappeared below the cover. Cas continued to stare as the hunters hand began to rise and fall beneath the material, Cas wasn't well practised as sexual acts particular masturbation but he wasn't as naive as Dean thought him to be, it was clear what he was doing and the sight of it gave Cas yet another erection, he was getting sick of this.

Being an angel he was more alert adn aware to changes in temperature and noises etc so he could feel the rise in Dean's body heat and his heart beat faster as he hand pumped himself faster and harder, the faces and noises of pleasure that Dean made gave Cas a feeling in his stomach and his cock. The next thing he knew he was standing over Dean as the hunter stroked himself, eyes closed and bottom lips between his teeth, oh god Cas thought this man would surely be the death of him, again.

When Dean let out a soft moan Cas' eyes rolled into the back of his head, he moved his hand to his own hard dick and started to stroke it gently through his trousers, he felt so sinful and dirty, he had no idea how he was going to look Dean in the eye tomorrow but right now it just felt to damn good to stop, sparks of what felt a little like electricity came from the friction he created. The angel could have sworn he heard Dean moan his name as he came but he was a bit distracted with his own pleasure and he figured it was just wishful thinking, when he thought he heard his name and the sight of Dean's face as he did came made Cas come to. The angel had to bit his lip to stop him from groaning out loud as he spurting into his boxers.

As Cas came down from his orgasm he watched Dean quickly clean himself and tossed and turned for the next half an hour trying to get back to sleep. When Cas' breathing went back to normal and he could think logically again he wished he didn't, he instantly felt guilty and foolish, what was he thinking. Though one thought stuck in his mind the entire night as he stood and watch the hunter dream was that, Dean had said his name when he woke up, that gave him his own smile as well as a tingly feeling in every part of his body, he liked that feeling he clung to it through the night.

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><p><strong>ha! so erm yeah a little bit of a pervy cas, gotta love it lol ;D<strong>

**please review xxxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**thank you for those that reviewed the last chapter, much love :') xx**

**enjoy! :D**

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><p>Dean woke early the next day feeling well rested, despite himself he couldn't help but look around the room, he felt deflated when he found that Cas wasn't there but he wasn't really expecting him to be, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since he left the angel under the tree at the park, come to think of it knowing Cas, Dean wouldn't be surprised if he was still there. The hunter got out of bed and after getting washed and dressed he slipped out to ring Cas, leaving a sleeping Sam behind.<p>

The hunter lent against his baby as he speed dialled the angel, no answer Dean hung up when his voice mail came and instantly tried again, this repeated five times before Dean was well and truly entering stalker territory so he reluctantly shoved his phoned back into his pocket and stood staring at the ground for a few minutes.

"Cas? Can you hear me? Answer your damn phone. Just checking in and-" Dean stopped in mid prayer he realised he had no really reason to call him, Dean quickly glanced around happy that Cas hadn't appeared because that would have been awkward. The hunter sighed he walking back into the motel room to fetch his keys and get breakfast. Little did he know that Cas had been standing by his side since the first ring of his mobile, he held his phone in his hand as it rang, he muffled the sound so it couldn't reatch human ears just like he did with him being visible, he stared at the growing concern and annoyance in his charges face, it was most puzzling.

When Dean started to prayed his stomach fell as it always did, granted it wasn't the most graceful prayer, but it was still a prayer. Maybe Dean was right he had made a difference to him. There is a difference between knowing and believing and even though Dean knows for a fact that things are real, some small part of him also believes it and wants to believe in it, wants faith and Cas had given that to him, Cas smiled as he watched Dean walked into the room and back out a second later.

The angel made the decision not to appear to Dean he was blushing just by looking at him when he couldn't be seen, if Dean actually looked at him and caught his eye, Cas' embarrassment and discomfort would surly make Dean suspicious of something even if he didn't know what and if anyone could get information out of him it was Dean.

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><p>When Dean was in the driving seat and had fired up the impala Cas forced himself to fly to Egypt, far enough away so he won't have to worry about bumping into him, talking to him, looking at him even smelling him, he couldn't risk it, not until he had everything figured out once and for all. He sat on the sand and looked at the pyramids, they looked so old, he remembers when they were built how impressive and majestic they were, he was getting old the angel thought. Cas examined the pyramids and how weak they seemed, only echoes of former glory, Cas could relate.<p>

A rider of a passing camel gave him a funny look but just carried on his way, the angel looked up the glowing silver moon and took comfort that Dean shared the same one, he had to stop this Cas told himself. A moment later a group of well of women walked past the run down angel and they didn't even give him a second look, a second later an old beggar man came up to Cas and ask in his language if he was okay Cas answer in the same tongue and told him he was fine, the old man pulled out a small lump of bread from his ragged trousers and gave it to Cas. A lump got lodged in the angels throat, a man with nothing gives all of has to help a stranger when those with everything give nothing, always the way. Poor self sacrificing bastard, where ever he goes he can't escape Dean fucking Winchester. Cas stood up in front of the poor man and gave his food back before enchanting an enochian chant into the mans ear, giving him hope though he didn't know what was spoken. Cas then swiped his wings and disappeared before the mans eyes he looked down to the bread in his hands and in its place were gold coins. The old man fell to his knees and professed his love to the lord, whom he was sure had just visited him.

The angel flew to no where in particular, he just flew around the world through the sky. He had to know, there was no way he couldn't. All this time waiting for Dean to smile in his sleep but never knowing the dream that created such beauty. Although it meant breaking his promise he was going to visit Dean tonight, he had to if only for closure so he could start to put all of this ugly mess behind him. The next moment he stood in the motel room he was hoping that the brothers would be asleep he couldn't be more wrong.

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><p>The angel felt his heart squeezed tightly inside his chest as his eyes instantly fell to Dean lying on his bed, his face making all the same delectable faces from the other night and some of the same noises though not as many, only his time both his hands were behind his head and some blonde girl's mouth was wrapped around his cock. Cas mouth fell open he shouldn't feel betrayed he has no call to feel that, so what was this pang inside him? He should look away fly way before he's seen but he was frozen, staring at the whore pleasuring Dean.<p>

The hunters eyes fluttered open and instantly caught Cas', Dean didn't register this for a moment because he closed his eyes again before pushing the girl off and yanking his boxers back up and jumping to his feet, looking flushed.

"What the hell are you doing here!" Dean shouted in a huffed pissed off whisper, his harsh eyes instantly softened as he saw Cas squirm uncomfortably with the situation.

"I'm sorry, I thought, I just came from Egypt. I must have mix up times." Cas stumbled over his words as he looked as the wall, anything but Dean's half naked body in front of him.

"It's alright, don't sweat it. But you have the worst timing ever dude." Dean couldn't hide his smirk as he gestured with his head to the girl on his bed; she only had her underwear on if you could call the two inches of material underwear.

Cas was sure he wouldn't be able to speak but he opened his mouth away, thankfully the girl on the bed who was very drunk stumbled towards them and draped herself over Dean. Most probably for support so she didn't topple over but Cas couldn't help but feel a strange urge to punch her, which would technically kill her.

"Is this Sammy, Deanie? Doesn't look like you said. He's short and cute." Cas glared at Dean because if he looked at the women he would flip. Cas flushed red from embarrassment also anger how dare she be so patronising he could smite her right now, it would be so easy he thought, it used to be, now he has that blasted guilt thing to deal with. Dean saw the discomfort and annoyance in the angel's eyes but despite himself could not fine this funny.

"No, no this is Cas."

"Okay? Why is he?"

"I'll go." Cas assured the true and took a step back.

"If you wanted a third you just had to ask Deanie." The woman slurred as he looked the man standing awkwardly in the middle of the room up and down.

"What." Both hunter and angel exclaimed hardly believing what just came from her mouth. The blonde bimbo simply looked to Dean and blow him a kiss as she flashed her breasts even more, if that's possible. Dean was left dumbstruck, what the fuck was going on. "Don't you want a little fun?" she whispered in his eye before licking his neck making the hunter shudder at the contact, making Cas' jaw tense as he watched.

She then stumble towards Cas, against his better judgment he caught her when she fell, she wouldn't let him go, the drunk woman put her arms around Cas' shoulder and wrapped on leg around his waist, making him shift very anxiously on his feet.

"Come on baby." She wished again before letting him go and taking of her panties so she stood naked in the middle fo the two man, Cas' eyes widened as he looked back to the wall determind not to get sucked into the situation, he just wanted to find Dean asleep not about to have sex with some random girl it was getting to much. "You don't want me?"

"Alright that's enough." Dean barked and he pulled the girl back away from Cas. "You're making him uncomfortable." The girl just rolled her eyes, but soon found that the sudden movement Dean put her through was not a good idea because she ran to the bathroom to throw up. The two men caught each others eyes,

"Classy." He didn't mean to say it with such vulgarity but he couldn't seem to care when he had.

"Don't start Cas. Why are you here?"

"It was my mistake. I'll leave you to it. To her." The angel turned so his back was to the half naked Dean, who's form he found it hard not to look at. Dean understood why this would be awkward for Cas, hell he felt his pain and more but Dean didn't understand why he sounded so bitter.

"Cas are you okay?" the hunter asked as he approached the angel and placed a hand on his shoulder. The angel enjoy the contact for a moment before stepping away from him and without turning back around he bid his farewell.

"Fine. Enjoy your night." Gone, Dean was left staring at an empty space as something in his stomach started to churn. He didn't want Cas to join them he knew that, it would be way too awkward plus for Cas' first time hardly fitting for an angel, but he still didn't want him to go.

"Dammit." He mumbled to himself before turning to watch the naked drunk women stumble towards him, yeah she was hot but he just wasn't feeling it anymore, something must be wrong he thought, he wasn't backing out now besides she started jacking him off before she even spoke, she was so ready for it.

"Where'd he go?"

"left us to it babe." Dean whispered in response and smiled a cocky seductive smile that felt forced and cold, he wasn't going to let himself, not tonight. Tonight he was getting laid for real. "Let's go." Dean grunted as he pulled the girls legs up around his waist and carried her to his bed.

Cas stayed to see Dean take her to bed, though invisible he stayed he had to see it for himself before he was ready to believe it and he couldn't even when he did. Between the fast pace of the hunters heart beat that the angel was listening to intently he found himself back to that park bench a few states over, where was sat before he had started this whole thing.

How could Dean give himself to that, that whore. How she acted and spoke he deserves better, much better. He knew he had no right to feel that horribly familiar sting of jealous, of anger but for the life of him he couldn't stop it.

Cas' eyes felt hot he brought his left hand to rub his eye, and there in the corner of his left eye was a tear, a hot salty tear. Cas sat staring at his fingers that held his first tear. He remembered what he told Dean when Dean referred to him crying; 'I'm an angel, I don't think it possible. But yes, everything is starting to take its toll. If I could and if I knew how, I think I would cry.' Dean Winchester reduced an angel to tears, tears that he was certain could never fall, alive for a millennia seen all there is to see, seen wars death and heart beak, countless bad things happen to good people and this, this is the thing to make him cry. Dean Winchester in the arms of another. It wasn't right, none of this was right he told himself.

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><p><strong>sorry but i had to have a good samaritan thing in here and the whole professing love thing lol<strong>

**poor cas, he finds out that angels can cry after all. i know Dean's being Dean and isnt cheating or anything god Dean's a jerk ;P **

**oh next chapter his picking up, Cas is finally going to have a peak behind the certain to Dean's dreams :O lol**

**Please review :D xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**sorry it took so long to upload but i moved back home for the hoildays and well thats never a plan for a nice quiet life lol ;')**

**anyway i stated in the last chapter cas goes into Dean's dream in this chapter, that doesnt happen, it had to build up to it and i forgot my ability to ramble lol but it is the next chapter which i have started to write so should be up before too long, please dont hate me lol**

**thank you soo much for the reviews and those that have favourited and alerted the story, it means alot and makes me smile :D xxx**

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><p>Dean would be a liar if he told himself that the encounter with Cas last night hadn't threw him, Cas' defeated and bitter tone, he looked down right miserable at the scene before him. Though the hunter didn't want to admit it, he knew the angel was the reason behind, what had to be the worst lay of his life.<p>

Suddenly she seemed plain and boring, all her noises started to piss him off, especially her laugh. It was high pitch and whiney, so god damn girly. He still went through with it through; cheap, meaningless, distracted sex was still sex nonetheless though if he could turn back time he would have came home alone.

All the while he was moving inside her, watching her groaning beneath him all he wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep, dream and actually enjoy himself, instead of this. But not wanting to damage his reputation or ego he still made the woman come, twice. Dean on the other hand faked his orgasm, just so he could stop; through she didn't notice or at least didn't mention it.

He woke up the next day to thankfully an empty bed. The women, who Dean couldn't remember the name of for the life of him had left a note on the pillow. She had to go to work but gave her number with an order for Dean to call her; he threw it straight in the bin and called Sam, who slept in the car to let him know it's safe to come in and to bring food.

Dean didn't see Cas that day, which worried him more than it should. He seemed so defeated that night, Dean hated thinking he caused Cas pain but what was he to do? Did he invite the angel into the motel room to show off the girl he pulled? No, Cas popped in unannounced wasn't Dean's fault he came at the wrong time, he's free and single why shouldn't he have some fun? Not that he had much. Dean knew this, he knew he wasn't to blame for anything, nothing should be wrong, it's not like he hasn't slept with someone since he met Cas, he knew this so why the hell does he feel so crappy and fucking guilty about it. This thought was plaguing his mind the entire day even when they were on the hunt Cas' sad puppy eyes were at the front of his mind, which meant Dean wasn't on the ball and ended up putting Sam in danger which is something else for him to feel guilty about, though he hardly felt the guilt on the way back to the motel because of the pain. He got injured and was in need of a stiff drink and stitches and he blames all of it on his angel.

They stayed in the motel that night, the case was over and the evil was destroyed and innocent people saved but Dean could do with rest so they stayed for another night. Dean was drifting in and out of whisky and pain filled naps as Sam sat at the table and looked over a case file Bobby sent them, seemed up there street, they'll leave tomorrow he thought.

The elder Winchester started to stir and winced in pain as he moved Sam came to his side and told him to stay still. Dean would normally have pushed Sam away and got up and pretended everything was fine but he knew it wasn't aside from the injuries that now felt like they were on fire, he knew things were off and at this moment he couldn't see the point in arguing or pretending he just wanted things to go back to how they were before. In all honesty he just wanted to patch things up with-

"Cas." Dean breathed as his brother set him back down for another nap, Sam's eyebrows raised slightly when he sighed the angels name for a second time, less sighed more groaning, longing but Sam decided not to dwell on such crazy thoughts especially when you consider just how much alcohol was humming through Dean's system. The hunters turned to return to his papers.

"Hello Sam." Came a gruff deep familiar voice behind him making the hunter jumped and run cold for a few seconds.

"Jesus Cas, scarred the hell out of me."

"My apologies." He told him as he made his way to dens side and began to stare at the unconscious man, not like he usually did he wasn't allowing himself not with Sam there at least he was checking over Dean's injuries and was happy to find nothing serious.

"We were on a hunt, Dean seemed distracted all day, he just didn't have the upper hand this time you know?" Cas didn't answer but Sam knew Cas was grateful for filling him in because he relaxed a little and became less rigid. "He said your name." the angel turned to catch Sam's eye, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"I know. That's why I'm here. I heard he, prayed it."

"He must really want to talk to you."

"Doubtful, I can smell the liqueur coming from him from here; you shouldn't let him drink so much Sam."

"Have you ever tried to stop Dean doing anything?" Sam told the angel half amused at Cas' mothering and half annoyed at the accusation that he doesn't take care of his brother, there was a silence where Sam got back to reading at Cas looked at the floor wishing he could do more,

"If I could heal him I would." He mumbled and Sam's eyes shot up and instantly softened.

"I know Cas. I'll tell him you came."

"I would prefer it if you didn't."

"But-" and just like that Cas was gone as quick as he arrived leaving a slightly confused Sam behind.

Aside from a little stiffness Dean felt a lot better when he woke the next day, though the thought of sitting in car and driving for the next six hours wasn't very appealing but there was nothing he could do about it so he climbed into the drivers seat and choose the music for the drive as Sam packed up the car. They set of without a word just the sound of Dean's loud music assaulting Sam's ears despite this Sam still tried his best to read and sleep which he surprisingly managed which impressed both him and Dean. All the time driving Dean couldn't stop himself silently praying to Cas, he wasn't sure if it counted if you didn't say it out loud but he didn't want to risk waking Sam up to the sound of him repeatedly calling for the angel.

They arrived in Idaho early afternoon and immediately looked for a place to stay. There room was clean had fresh sheets and didn't smell of damp so if was on the better end of places they've stayed. Sam immediately wanted to get started with what they suspected to be a vampire nest near by, Dean on the other hand wanted to crash. Suspecting it was because of his injuries and knowing Dean wouldn't say as much, Sam told him to he'd go on his own, he got changed and left, leaving Dean alone in the motel room.

After a few minutes Dean pulled out his cell and speed dialled Cas. It rang once, twice and stopped. Dean eyes widened as he stared at his phone, the basted refused his call, what the fuck? He tried again and again and again and he got the same response a rejected call. Then he tried once more and it went straight to answer phone, straight to Cas' confused fumbled message. The hunter became so angry Cas had turned his phone off! he got up and started to drink after a few glasses of whiskey and punched the wall before him and dented in the process, but he didn't stop there he grabbed the table and threw it across the room as he screamed, all he could think was; how dare he, how dare he ignore me who does he think he is!

Dean then out of breath and eye wet from frustration dropped to his knees and began to pray, loudly, non-stop for at least an hour getting more and more pissed off, then more and more upset at being neglected, Dean ended his session of prayers in tears and holding an empty bottle.

The hunter made his way to the sofa, laying on his side and he sniffed and sobbed his way through Dr sexy every few minutes muttering yet another useless prayer. Then Dean's cell started to ring making him jump from the shock and stagger over to the noise. Seeing who it was boiled the mans blood.

"What!" Dean shouted down the line as he fell back onto his bed.

"Hello Dean."

"What the fuck do you want Cas, I've been trying to get hold of you all day!"

"I know."

"Why are you calling, cant you just pop in?"

"No."

"I don't understand Cas." Dean helplessly told him as he put his hand over his face, he was feeling so defeated.

"I'm phoning to ask you to stop praying to me."

"What?" the hunter couldn't believe the harsh bitter tone in the angel's voice.

"If I was going to yield to your requests and come to see you I would have first time, so please stop."

"You don't want to see me?" this wasn't real Dean thought, how was this fair?

"No, I cant I'm sorry Dean. Some things have to sorted." Cas seemed sincere there, he was he did want to see the hunter more than anything but he had to have things sorted in his own mind, such horrid sickly emotions like the once he experienced the other night when Dean was with that woman, was not emotions he wants to feel again, ever. It was worse then dieing and Cas has first hand experience of that.

"But Cas, if this is about the other night please believe,"

"Good bye Dean." Cas hung up, leaving Dean feeling shuttered as his drunken vision was making the room spin, he gripped the phone tighter as he went over what Cas had said, before he threw it against the wall.

"Fucking angels!" he screamed as loud as he could.

Dean was in a foul mood after that Sam instantly noticed but started to get concerned when Dean turned down food and sat out of the hunt, letting Sam do it on his own; he barley got out of bed at all over the next two days and opted to spend the day sleeping. He even took some pills to help him sleep, though his attempts to hide this from Sam didn't work the younger man didn't mention anything though he was started to get worried.

Sam contemplated calling Cas for help but had a strange feeling he was involved considering he hasn't been around and his insistence not to tell Dean he checked up on him when he was injured. Perhaps they had a fight. Sam didn't let this distract him as he lopped the heads of four vampires and returned to the motel with a pizza and beer as Dean had finished them all last night.

Despite Sam's pushing Dean as always refused to talk about it and before they knew it they were back on the road heading back to Bobby's for a few days break at a little piece of home whilst doing some more research on the apocalypse with an old friend. Sam prayed- but not literally, that this bring Dean out of what ever rut he had gotten himself into.

As soon as Dean arrived at bobby's he grabbed a beer and set himself on the sofa, Sam went into the library and greeted the older hunter who was well into his twelve hour of research. Sam convinced him to wheel his sorry ass into the living room were the three hunters talked ate and drank for hours, spending tonight at least, attempting to forget the end of the world was upon them and they were relatively normal. Well by normal they swapped hunting stories and reminisced about old times so as normal as they could get. At least Sam and Bobby did, Dean ate and drank but remained quiet for the most the evening, and the others put up with it, until that is the beers were gone and whisky was added to the equation and Bobby couldn't stand it anymore.

"So?"

"What?"

"Do I really need to ask? What's up with you boy?" Dean remained silent Bobby could guess and it was starting to piss the man off, fucking idjit.

"Cas?" Bobby starting staring at the ceiling slurring as he spoke, Dean's eyes shot up instantly, all he wanted to do was shut Bobby up but he was frozen as he listened to Bobby speak, unable to breathe. "Cas it's Bobby, let me tell you something, if you don't get your feathery ass to my living room right now I am stocking up on holy oil and deep frying myself angel, you understand?" there was nothing Bobby sighed before he mumbled one more desperate word, "please."

Before they knew it there was a sharp swipe of air and quick glide of feathers and Cas was standing before them but not the Cas they're used too. Sam and Bobby had to push away a laugh when they saw the angel minus his trench coat and wearing a dirty apron and paper hat, Cas must have forgotten to remove them before he came, Dean on the other hand studied Cas for a moment, his heart seemed to shudder slightly at seeing him again after all this time, though it had only been a few days. There were so many things Dean wanted to say but what did was not in his top ten.

"New York?" he asked Dean as he took in the angels attire, Cas nodded which received curious glances from Sam and bobby, like Dean and Cas shared some private joke and they weren't allowed to be involved. "It's, it's good to see you Cas."

"Likewise. Thank you for abiding by my wishes." Again Sam and Bobby looked at each other in confusion, but both remained silent since this was the most Dean had spoken all day they should probably let it run its course.

"Are we good? Me and you, we can go back to normal?"

"Yes. I have sorted things out I know now what I need to do to get past some, complications."

"which is?" and like that the familiar sound of wings flapping into action assaulted everyone's ears and he was gone again.

"what was that about?" Bobby asked after a long minute in silence both Sam and bobby taking note of deans smug smiling face.

"nothing." Dean told them but his face told a completely different story. "I'm going to bed." he told the others before leaving two confused hunter behind. They soon shook it of as they turned there attention back to the unfinished whiskey before them.

Dean stumbled his way to an empty room and crashed out on the bed instantly falling asleep, as soon as he was Cas appeared by the drunk and dreaming hunter. Yes the angel knew what he had to do to get past this, humans call it closure. He needed answers so he could have some peace. Just one look into Dean's world and it would be done, though he would be breaking his promise to the hunter Cas considered this to be a necessary evil.

Though he was well aware of what he could find and that it would hurt more than when it happened in real life, slutty drunk bitches who were up for it, if he didn't he would be wondering forever and being an angel it would really be forever. Castiel just needed to see the dreams behind the smile.

So he raised his hand and placed it onto Dean's head, closed his eyes and was pulled into his unconscious, but he couldn't seem to force himself to open his eyes, he wasn't quite ready for the enlightened heart break to begin just yet.

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><p><strong>I couldnt help but feel sorry for dean here, he's so dependant on the angel an so lost without him lol though i get cas needing time to sort his head out, considering everything that has happened in such a short amount of time.<strong>

**please review :) xxxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**YAY 100 reviews! :D much love to those that have reviewed**

**As I promised the next chapter didn't take so long to update ;)**

**Deans dream ooooooh lol**

**The story will be picking up pace from here btw**

**Usual warning for spelling and grammar**

**Enjoy! :') xxx**

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><p>Cas stood still for a few moments to catch his breath, still unable to open his eyes though the sound of wind through trees relaxed him, unless of course Dean dreamt of outdoor wood sex with some random women or a set of blonde twins or something the sound of running water near by was soothing but he couldn't stop his mind thinking that Dean dreamt of swimming naked with the local girls or something like that, the thought of that made the angel clench his eyes shut tighter, wishing never had done this. Slowly he opened his eyes and he was greeted with an open space of woodland full of trees and nature. The angel could name at least five different birds he heard chirping away, a few metres to his left was the water he heard, a large lake, soft peace water with thankfully no sign of dream Dean debauching someone.<p>

He wondered over to the lake and picked up a perfectly round stone, its been exactly 93 years since he skimmed stones across the water, he felt like it was a good a time as any just as he pulled his arm back he skimmed the lake and dropped the stone in shock when his graze came across a small dock, on his was a very relaxed looking Dean with a small brunette sitting between his legs, she must have been about six years old, Dean was teaching her to fish. Cas' eyes widened as he stepped back into the coverage of the trees so not to be spotted.

"He dreams of having a family." He muttered to himself, a little taken back by this but not altogether shocked. He swiped his wings and brought himself closer within ear shot, the little girl was beautiful, it pulled his stomach to look at her, in a good way though which confused him. Then the little girl looked around and leapt to her feet.

"Daddy, daddy daddy, daddy!" she ran into the arms of a slim man with black hair and matching eyes of the girl. Cas' mouth fell, it was him. He was wearing jeans and a t shirt and was smiling as he held the girl in his arms.

"He dreams of me having a family?" he muttered to himself not believing what he was seeing this was the complete opposite of what he was expecting, on so many levels. He watches the scene before him so shocked breathing was not something he was able to do.

"You having fun sweetheart?" dream Cas asked the little girl nodded enthusiastically as dream Dean stood and approached the two. Dream Dean placed a kiss on the girls head and his left hand on the small of dream Cas' back. They two shared a loving smile before the little girl piped up.

"Daddy's teaching me to fish." Cas eyes widened to such a degree he was surprised they didn't fall out of his head, his head swirled and focused became a problem as he continued to watch glued to the scene being playing out before him.

"I see, come on get your brother we need to get to uncles Sam's" dream Cas told the little girl who gave both her daddies a kiss before being placed on the decking before running to retrieve her sibling.

"He, he dreams of _us_ having a family?" Cas swallowed dry and hard, "us being a family." He whispered to himself this couldn't be right.

Dream Dean then leant in and place a familiar loving kiss onto dream Cas' lips who kissed back with perfect ease. Dream Cas then turned so his back was to dream Dean before he wrapped his arms around dream Cas' waist as his head rested on his shoulder as they both watch their children pretend to shot each other with lasers for a moment.

"I'm so lucky to have this Dean, us, them. This life. I love you and our family, our life."

"Likewise baby." Dream Dean nuzzled into dream Cas' neck for a seconds making dream Cas smile and let out a little laugh before they gathered the kids into the car and drove away to the fore mentioned location of 'uncle' Sam's. Cas was frozen completely; his whole body was covered in a cold sweat. His head started to hurt just thinking about what he saw and what it meant, does this mean anything? Does he dream about this often? What does this mean!

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><p>Cas thoughts were interrupted by a woman's scream, a constant pain filled scream. It got louder and louder and the picturesque landscape before him seemed to melt away and replaced by plain white walls as the smell of disinfectant filled his nostrils, it wasn't all that pleasant. His surroundings became clearer; the angel was standing in a hospital corridor.<p>

The woman's scream were still clear as the confused slightly lost angel turned and twisted trying to pin point the where the sound was coming from. He found a small room, the woman he had been hearing was in there face red and legs on stirrups, trying to steady her breathing whilst a man held her hand and breathed with her. Cas had to get a closer look he turned on his angel mojo and became invisible as he flew into the room, his stomach fell when he saw it was dream Dean that was holding the woman's had she had a ring on her finger and giving birth.

So he wants a family with anyone and anything then, Cas thought. He couldn't describe how bad this made him feel, just that the pain sunk so deep he felt it vibrate through his grace but be didn't know exactly why it should, maybe he just really wanted that first scene to real so badly he wasn't prepared for the fact that it was just a dream and essentially didn't mean anything.

"Dean, its hurts!"

"I know Jess, I know."

"You don't know!" the woman Cas know learnt was called Jess screamed at dream Dean as he took him by the collar, the angels eyebrows raised, woman giving birth are kind of bitches he thought but Cas knew he only thought this because it was Dean. Dream Dean kept his cool, it wasn't Jess' fault he just laid her back done and took a breath.

"Just keep-"

"If you were going to tell me to breathe I will kill you in your sleep! What the fuck do you think I'm doing?"

At that point a nurse came rushing in with a tall man behind her, Cas instantly recognised him as dream Sam, he had basically no colour in his cheeks as he rushed to Jess' side and dream Dean instantly took a step back out the way, Cas frowned at this but when Dream Sam and Jess exchanged an exhausted kiss and 'I love you's' Cas' clicked and figured this was the girl Sam loved and lost, so Dean wants Sam to have a family too Cas thought to himself.

Dream Dean stood to the side making sure he kept himself near Jess' head not wanted to have the other view. Then the nurse told him to wait outside as the doctor was coming and he needed room, Dream Dean nodded kissed Jess on the forehead and clapped dream Sam on the shoulder before making his way to the door.

Cas' face went completely white as his stomach twinged when the doctor came through the door, it was him! 'Dr. C, J Novak' pin on his white coat, it was trippy really he was starting to get slightly nauseous. As dream Dean left the room he walked past dream Cas, their eyes met for the longest second Cas has ever witness. Cas watched as the dream version of himself delivered dream Sam and Jess' baby, it was a baby boy and they called him John. A few more nurses filled into the room and took care of everything, the Dr shook the parent's hands and left the room. Dream Dean was sitting outside and stood when dream Cas came out, Cas followed needing to know where this was going.

"What's up doc?"

"A healthy baby boy." Dream Cas told dream Dean who beamed at the news, he glanced quickly at his baby brother, he was so proud and it showed on his face.

"Thank you." He turned back to dream Cas, giving Sammy and his new family a few moments alone before the baby's introduced to his uncle Dean.

"Just doing my job sir."

"Dean please." Dream Dean spoke in a husky voice as he stepped closer to the doctor. "Does the 'C' stand for anything?"

"Yes, my name." dream Cas spoke quiet to as he kept his eyes on dream Dean's lips.

"You going to tell me?" Dream Dean asked as he ran his hand down dream Cas' stethoscope and back up again making sure he lightly grazed the doctor's neck, before removing his hand.

"Castiel." Dream Cas breathed out, completely taken back and turned on by this mysterious man he's known all of two minutes. Dream stepped back slightly looked dream Cas up and down slightly before concluded.

"Very nice." Dream Cas stepped forward, invading dreams Dean's personal space completely, lips so close, he whispered his words, making dream Dean shudder under his intensely sexy gaze as he was hit by his voice growling near his ear.

"Come with me." then dream Cas walked away, only looking back when he got to the end of the corridor, dream Dean had yet to move taking in the view before him. He soon hurried to catch up when he caught dream Cas' eye again.

Cas was left in the corridor completely bewildered, it was like some weird ass soap opera, what the hell was going on? Cas couldn't not follow. The angel followed the dream versions of him and Dean to a supply closet that the doctor led dream Dean into. Cas flew in ahead so he could watch dream Dean enter, as soon as he did Cas watched the dream version of himself push dream Dean back up against the door as their lips collide and they shared a very steamy passionate tongue filled kiss.

"You know I don't usually do this." Dream Cas breathed out as he started to kiss dream Dean's neck. Dream Dean then flipped them so the doctor was pressed against the door, Dean sank to his knees and undone dream Cas' flies, causing dream Cas to shake with anticipation as he bit his lower lip.

"Me neither." Dream Dean told him before he ran his slick tongue up the shaft of dream Cas' hardened cock.

Cas watched mouth dry as he breathing became heavy, his own cock started to twinge and get affect by what he was witnessing, it was just so, Cas' eyes rolled back in his head when he heard both men in Dean's dream groaning and panting.

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><p>After a few minutes the mens erotic noises became distant and quieter by the time Cas opened his eyes again he was in that motel room again, with Dean and that woman in front of him. Cas was grateful that he was previously invisible as he appeared right next to the dream version of himself, the scene seemed to pan out as it did before, Cas' brow creased in confusion as to why after the previous dreams would Dean dream of this.<p>

"I'll go." Dream Cas assured the two and took a step back.

"If you wanted a third you just had to ask Deanie." The woman slurred as he looked the man standing awkwardly in the middle of the room up and down.

"What." Both Dream hunter and dream angel exclaimed hardly believing what just came from her mouth. The blonde bimbo simply looked to dream Dean and blow him a kiss as she flashed her breasts even more, if that's possible. Dream Dean was left dumbstruck, what the fuck was going on. "Don't you want a little fun?" she whispered in his ear before licking his neck making the hunter shudder at the contact, making dream Cas' jaw tense as he watched.

She then stumble towards dream Cas, against his better judgment he caught her when she fell, she wouldn't let him go, the drunk woman put her arms around Cas' shoulder and wrapped on leg around his waist, making him shift very anxiously on his feet.

"Come on baby." She wished again before letting him go and taking off her panties so she stood naked in the middle of the two men, dream Cas' eyes widened as he looked back to the wall determined not to get sucked into the situation, "You don't want me?"

Dream Cas then much to dream Dean's surprise grabbed the naked women, though she seemed to love it, purring at the contact and the intenseness in his eyes.

"I have a better idea." Dream Cas growled touching the girls forehead and forcing sleep upon her the letting her fall to the ground.

"Cas?" Dream Dean asked confused and a little intimidated and his angel's actions.

"Shut up." Dream Cas growled as he walked up to dream Dean, eyes keeping their strong powerful contact with the other. Dream Cas kept walking which forced dream Dean to walk back, they didn't stop until dream Dean's back was up against the wall.

Without words being exchanged dream Cas pushed dream Dean onto his knees, Cas stood watching he couldn't believe this was Dean's dream, he was on his knees sucking the angels cock whilst the dream version of himself thrust rather harshly into his mouth, was this how Dean wanted the other night to play out? Cas felt ready to cry again he was so confused.

As Cas watched he couldn't for the life of him stop his hand from rubbing his own hardness, he was witnessing his charge suck his cock, what was he supposed to do? He was an angel, not a saint. Cas kept rubbing getting faster and harder, biting his lip to hid the groan he so desperately wanted to realise.

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><p>Before he could come to the edge and dive willing over it, the scene before the angel starting to fade and lighten, not like the other times so Cas knew this meant Dean was waking. So Cas quickly jetted himself out of Dean's dreams and sat on the edge of Dean's bed and watched him stir. After what he just witnessed he couldn't leave and be out of eye shot from the hunter not yet.<p>

"Hello Dean." Cas greeted the unsuspecting hunter making the man jump before looking over to the angel quickly the turned the lay on his side face away from Cas. Dean discreetly looked down on himself, oh great he thought another throbbing case of morning wood. "What were you dreaming about?" Dean's eyes instantly snapped up so he was staring straight ahead in a cold sweat as his whole body tensed.

"Oh just the usual Cas, do you mind giving me some privacy?" After a few moments he heard a familiar sound of wings, he turned and saw Cas had gone, the angel had flew away with a smile on his face.

The hunter let out the breath the got painful stuck, and deciding that he deserved to have some 'me time' to sort out his little morning problem, he deserved it after that dream he thought to himself so he took hold of his erection and set to work, images of his dreams fresh in his mind.

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><p><strong>the first two scenes in deans dream dont really mean anything, there just two random ideas that popped into my head, the ramdoness of it shall be explain soon lol :)<strong>

**Please review ^_^ xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you so much for all the reviews! :D **

**warnings for grammar and spelling mistakes xx**

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><p>By the time Dean made his way downstairs his nerd of a brother was already deep in research mode, and if the pile of book were anything to go by he had been for a good few hours.<p>

"Hey Sammy." He greeted his brother on the way to the kitchen, who huffed in return.

The elder Winchester went to get himself coffee needing a little boost before he settled down for 18 hours of fruitless research, he really didn't get paid enough for this, he really didn't get paid he thought to himself as he poured his coffee.

As Dean sat at the table and slowly drank his drink his mind was firmly rooted in his dreams, they never failed to calm him, he smiled to himself Cas did look rather good in that white coat he thought before shaking his head, not today he couldn't get side tracked this was the freaking end of the world and he was thinking about an angel playing dress up.

God help him no he thought scrape that he doesn't want anything from that bastard. The hunter sighed as he looked into his empty cup, put it in the sink and grabbed a packet of biscuits and joined his brother in the study. Bobby joined the brothers a moment later with a new bottle of whisky in his hands and an old book in another.

After about an hour and a half Bobby looked up at the boys, Sam was still in the same position as he had been whilst Dean was fidgeting every few minutes or so. The older hunter looked down again before he spoke.

"Where's Cas then?"

"Why would I know?" Dean instantly answered not looking up, he didn't so much snapped at the older man but it was close.

Sam couldn't help but smirk at the fact Dean didn't have to look up to know Bobby was obviously talking to him; there was a message in there somewhere. After Bobby huffed to himself at Dean's answer, silence fell between them once more for about half an hour before Dean slammed his book shut and rubbed his eyes standing and looking at the other two men, he accidentally made jump at his sudden outburst.

"I need food, anyone else?" Dean asked the two men nodded but didn't look up from their pages making Dean roll his eyes before leaving. He looked at the time and groaned it was only eleven o'clock he had been researching for a mere two hours and he was already contemplating suicide, his life officially blew. Officially.

It was true he needed food but above that he just needed to get out of that house and have a drive, nothing but the turn of pages and the sound of Bobby swigging his bottle to cover up the silence that was deafening him, this was why he blared his music, he hates silence it was too quiet, too much time to think. It was only now did he realise the silence he was sitting in, no music usually he would rushed to pump up the volume and sing along to one of his favourites, but however much he hated the silence at Bobby's, this he kind of liked, gave him a break from everything in this car at this moment he wasn't so broken down tired hunter fighting helplessly to save the world that was doomed anyway he was Dean Winchester, apocalypse? Not for the next hour or so thank you he thought to himself as he cruised along the road passing diner after diner, it didn't really matter which one he chose it was all the same anyway.

Plus he wasn't ready to stop just yet, his mind had wondered to last night and he planned to keep it there, at least for a little while, a little guilty pleasure to get him through the day though masturbating to the thought of your dreams and a particular angel that resided there was indeed a guilty pleasure he felt he deserved a little more.

It was just thinking no harm in that. Mary-rose he thought that what he would call the little girl that called him daddy and the hyper little boy with the wide smile, wide blue eyes and sandy blonde hair? Him he would call Bobby-John. They would be happy, normal. Normal was good he thought with a smile he could almost feel his children's arms around him; almost feel his husband's lips on his. Dean shook his head at that, husband? Wow that came from nowhere he thought, so did a rough deep voice from the passenger seat.

"Hello Dean." The hunter jumped as he eyes widened and swerved the car a little from the shock.

"Dammit Cas, don't do that." Dean grunted as he breathed heavy to attempt to slow his heartbeat after that low husky voice made it beat ten fold. There was a silence between them for a minute, Dean chanced a quick glance to the angel and smiled as a way of clearer the air after his little outburst.

"You're not listening to music." Dean's grip of the stirring wheel tightened as he heard Cas questioning statement, "Is something wrong?" did the angel sound, worried? Dean thought.

"Cas I don't always listen to music." Cas' brow furrowed as his head cocked gently to the side as he looked at Dean. The hunter didn't look directly at Cas, he didn't have too he knew good and well what Cas would be doing his stupid little head tilt that has more than once made an appeared in his dreams, it was just too damn cute. "Is there something you wanted Cas?"

Dean knew he sounded pissy but he couldn't help it, the real Cas interrupt his day dreaming of the imaginary Cas, okay so he knew he was going crazy but he couldn't stop.

Cas sat still and rigid and upon hearing Dean's question he tensed up more, if that were possible. Though the hunter made a point of not looking at Cas and keeping his attention to the road ahead, he did notice that Cas' finger tips were white from Cas digging them into his leg, weird. The angel opened his mouth the closed it again, he repeated this at least five times before Dean rolled his eyes and took a sharp turn right into a diner car park. Having just popped in Cas wasn't wearing a seat belt, not that he really needed to, he'd been shot stabbed and well everything at that and it hadn't even slowed him down so a car crash was unlikely to do the trick.

So Dean took a sharp right turn which coursed an unsuspecting Cas to fall to the side, Dean laughed he soon stopped when he realised Cas was forced in his direction and his head landed on his lap, fuck. Dean came to a stop and looked down at the wide eyed angel, still in shock.

Dean refrained himself from stroking the angels face instead coughed and looked up, eyes instantly meeting a pretty waitress who saw the sudden entrance of the impala, she smiled at the hunter just as Cas got up head appearing from the hunters lap, the waitress went red and turning to get back to her tables.

The two men sat in silence for a moment.

"Dean…why did you do that?" asked a still flushed angel, a smirk appeared on the hunters face, Cas hair had became so wild, he shrugged before laughed of his answer.

"Had the urge."

"Strange. You seem to be good at containing your, urges." Cas spoke slowly, the angel was thinking of Dean's dreams and how when Dean was awake how normal he acted, how often did Dean dream of him like that he thought, Dean looked at Cas, his mind went to his dream, why couldn't this be a dream? Cas was so fucking hot right now; hair messy voice low and his eyes seemed darker than usual, fuck. Dean swallowed dryly as he stared at Cas' lips; he saw the little half smirk that quickly came and went from Cas' lips before the angel himself disappeared, leaving Dean alone in the car.

"Fucking angels." He mumbled to himself before getting out of the impala with a sigh.

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><p>Dean got food and drove back to Bobby's before returning to his original seat to eat, Sam and Bobby were still in the same position, it freaked Dean out a little at just how long these two can research for.<p>

"Alright, you know what?" Dean spoke for the first time in five hours. "This is shit, just how long are we going to sit and stare at these books, when you two know as well as me, they are not going to help."

"Dean," Sammy sighed as he wiped his eyes,

"Sammy, tell me I'm wrong tell me since this has started we have got a lead, however small." Sam couldn't answer that, it was true they had got nowhere.

"We can't just sit with our thumbs up our ass and wait for the world to end boy, we have to at least try." Bobby huffed out, Dean and Sam both knew he was right

"No, you have to try, I have tried I've been trying and right now, I'm going for a drink. If you wanna see I'm right and give up, at least for tonight then your welcome to join me." Dean told the two men before turning and leaving slamming the door behind him, though he didn't mean too, he wasn't angry and pissed, he was tired and wanted things to go away. Sam and Bobby looked to each other thinking about Dean's words.

Dean leant up against the impala for a few minutes breathing in the cool night air and watching the figure of Sam in the window, wishing he would stand and join him, it's been just a long time since the two sat down for a beer, too long.

There was a flutter of feathers sweeping through the air, telling him an angel just popped in, so he knew it had to be Cas and the pull in his stomach confirmed it.

"Heya Cas." Dean mumbled to himself as he kept his eyes on the window.

"Hello Dean." Dean turned to greet the angel properly, finding Cas three inches from his face, the hunter closed his eyes and swallowed, not now he thought, so god dam close.

"Cas, we've talked about this, personal space."

"My apologies." Cas told him as he stepped back. What was going on the angel thought, how can he be acting so calm after dreaming about sucking my cock? He asked himself. "I came to check on you."

"I'm fine Cas, going for a drink," Dean looked to his feet and kicked the ground a little as he pushed his hands into his pocket, "Come with me?" he asked not chancing a look, god he felt like a girl. Cas didn't say much, simply nodded and told the hunter.

"Yes." Cas climbed into the impala and was joined a few seconds later by Dean; they drove to the closest bar in a comfortable silence.

The hunter and the angel walked towards the bar Dean opened the door for Cas who smiling in thanks, they sat themselves down at a small table and Dean got them both a bottle of beer. Dean sat for a minute or so and fiddled with the bottle label before talking so quietly, like a whisper, a secret only for Cas just before taking his first sip.

"Thank you."

Cas smiled a faint smile, when he heard Dean's words. Though he was beaming Jimmy seemed to be smirking, it was getting easier to show emotions but harder then it perhaps should be, one thing Cas knew for sure was that Dean's words had meant a lot to him.

After about half an hour Dean and Cas had drank an impressive amount in that time and were talking about some of their less dark times together, Dean was telling him about how he felt waiting for Cas to show up for the first time, he just got to the part where the doors flung open and a bottle of whisky was placed on the table and a familiar voice said,

"Fancy something stronger?" the hunter and the angel looked up to Sam's face all fluffy hair and puppy eyed, and behind him was Bobby.

The four of them sat at the table of the bar for five hours, they drank, talked, they laughed and Sam took a 20 minute nap three hours in, Dean couldn't help himself and draw a cock on his baby brothers face, something Sam didn't find out until he went to the bathroom an hour later. They got on hunter territory rather quickly and for the last half an hour were discussing plans for stop the devil and save the world. Thankfully by this time they were drunk so the people in ear shot just assumed they were rambling, even Cas was starting to feel the effects.

When they left the bar Sam pushed Bobby and use it as a way to keep himself up, and Dean had an arm around Cas' shoulder for support as he was the least intoxicated.

Cas knew the boys couldn't drive and he knew they wouldn't listen to him, stubborn ass-butts. So before they could react he touched them and transported them back to Bobby's. Though due to the intoxication and there beginning three of them it took a bit out of him, so he had to sit down, quickly. Though because Dean was still hanging off him Dean ended up falling on the floor, the movement made Sam run to the sink and threw up and curiously angel flight made Bobby sleepy and he arrived back at his snoring lightly.

When Dean found himself in familiar surroundings he instantly found himself hitting the floor face first. It took around five minutes but he eventually managed to sit up with his back against the sofa. He found himself staring at an empty room; he was just about to start screaming to find people when a hand fell on the told of his head making him jump.

"What the…" Dean slurred as he turned, "Cas? Cas are you okay." Dean scrambled to his knees and grabbed Cas' shoulders and with a little too much force shook Cas up and down.

"Dean, Dean, Dean. I'm find just, stop, shaking, me!" Cas struggled to slur out as he was jiggerling up and down, Dean stopped but keep his hands were they were.

"Where is Sammy and Bobby?"

"Bed, sleeping of the liquor."

"Okay, why are you on the sofa."

"Flying all three of you drunk is a lot of work Dean."

"Oh, are you okay?"

"Yes Dean." Dean let his hands drop and retake his original seated position back against the sofa. A silence fell across the thick air.

"I worry about you Cas." Dean mumbled after a long few minutes, Cas' eyes darted to the back of Dean's head.

"Why?" he asked blatantly and genuinely didn't understand, Dean smiled slightly knowing the face Cas was pulling without turning.

"Because" Dean started dipped his head to his chest. "You're not always around, I, I don't know where you are, what your doing." Cas' eyes turned soft, at hearing Dean's fumbling slurred word, sometimes he was too cute. The angel was staring at Dean's exposed neck as he listened to his words, fighting the urge to kiss it. "I know, I know it's not my business but it is, you know, you're my friend you're my, fuck you're practically like my guardian angel you know that?"

"I'm not a guardian angel Dean, they are a lower form of angel; I am a warrior-"

"-of god yeah, yeah I know, but your also a Winchester."

"What did you just say?" Cas asked not believing what he just heard.

"What?"

"I'm a Winchester?" Cas asked as he took a chance and rest a hand on the nap of the hunter neck softly, Dean's eyes flickered closed momentarily before he started to talk.

"Cas you my friend, have put your ass on the line and save my ass more times to than I care to count you have more than earned Winchester status. You're like family man."

"Thank you, I like that." A smile appeared on the angel's face as he almost whispered his reply, Dean felt Cas breath on his spine and goosebumps scattered themselves across the hunters skin.

"Good, so you should. So you gonna stay around more, keep in better touch yeah?" Dean told him, making sure not to turn around because if did, he couldn't be sure he wouldn't do some thing he would defiantly regret in the morning.

Cas laid back down and put his hands on his stomach and stared at the ceiling, whilst Dean brought his knees to his chest and stared at the floor. After a few beats Cas spoke into the dark room.

"As you wish Dean."

Dean went to sleep with a smile on his face as Cas stared at the ceiling listening to Dean's breathing smiling also. After an hour or so, Cas sat up and shuffled down the sofa, and brought his face to the curve of Dean's neck, inhaled his scent and skating his lips across Dean's skin, so gently he could barley feel the little hairs that had risen on their ends there.

He wanted so much to dream leap him but he didn't that night, he lay on the sofa and let his hand drop on the side of Dean's face, much to his surprise Dean shuffled and moved his head so it rested on Cas' hand, which made the Cas sighed a little at the contact, there they stayed until the morning sun started to stream in and pulled Dean out of his dreams, just because Cas didn't enter Dean's dreams doesn't mean he didn't watch the man dream, the hunter kept smiling again, making Cas' stomach jolt each and every time.

As he watched Dean crawl to his feet and get some pain killers he was regretting his decision not to spy on his dreams.

"Heya Cas." Dean greeted the angel as he took some paracetamol.

"Morning." The angel greeted the groggy looking hunter. Dean looked from Cas to the floor and sighed.

"I slept on the floor didn't I?"

"I was going to move you," Cas voice went quieter, "but you looked so peaceful."

"It's alright, it I was woken from the dream I just had I probably would have killed you anyway."

"What was your dream about?" Cas tried to sound as causal as possible and he impressed himself by how successful he was. Dean turned and filled his glass with some more water so he didn't have to look at the darn angel.

"Red head, three of them." Cas smiled as he watched Dean move about the kitchen, he was almost certain Dean was lying, it was getting easier to tell. he liked it and the angel already couldnt wait for Dean to go to sleep again.

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><p><strong>Don't forget to review ;) lol xxx<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**sorry for the update delay but as this is the longest chapter of this story to date i hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me ;P xxx**

**forgive any grammar or speeling mistakes, i do try, promise :') x **

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><p>The previous night they spent with their attention away from research and on the bottle, proved more costly than Dean thought. Sam seemed set to spend the day munching potato sticks, drinking mountain dew and flicking through the same book over and over. The letters were dancing around the page as he tried to read, the room still not completely still, points for effort though Dean thought. Bobby on the other hand didn't surface at all, having spent the day drinking yesterday and only drank more in the evening, Dean couldn't blame him for staying in bed; he was hanging badly.<p>

So being bored as hell and determined to take the angel up on his promise of hanging around more, not that Cas would ever learn the truth behind his motives. That Cas is his strength, his hope and faith in this fight, in life, in himself and if he has any chance of saving the world, he would do it with Cas by his side or not at all, he knew this for so long, it hurt to think of a time without him and didn't want that in the future.

All this of course he had never spoken and Dean was certain would never pass his lips, the hunter even tried not to think of it directly just in case Cas was reading his mind, yes he was paranoid by he couldn't risk the angel finding out and everything being ruined.

So after establishing a day of monging for Sam and Bobby the elder Winchester thought why the hell not and took it upon himself to introduce Cas to the world of cinema, besides the new zombie film out looked awesome, if rather inaccurate it was sure to entertain.

"Cas," Dean started as he walked into the study where he had left Cas and Sam to get some more paracetamol, secretly sighing in relief to see that the angel was still there, "Come with me." both Sam and Cas looked up, Sam a tiny bit disappointed his brother wasn't addressing him, but not completely as it meant he didn't have to move.

"Why?" Cas asked in his usual low tone, Dean fought the urge to roll his eyes; Cas wasn't going to make this easy.

"We're going out." The hunter silently begged that would be enough for the angel, really not wanted to tell him he taking him to the movies with his younger brother in the room, that would not to down well, for Dean. It would give Sam ammo to be mocked until they die. Thankfully Cas nodded and stood up and clapped Sam on the shoulder as he past him, who groaned and shot Cas evils for the sudden movement, Dean couldn't help up chuckle slightly. "You alright there Sammy? Should I bring back some nice fried bread, some lovely runny egg with some greasy bacon?"

"I hate you." Sam moaned as he rested his head on the desk.

"I know, I know, see you in a bit." Sam waved half heartedly without removing his head until he heard the door shut.

The hunter and his angel walked in silence to the impala, got in and drove again in silence; Cas didn't seem to like this change very much and turned on the radio. Of course not being accustomed to the buttons, the volume ended up on maximum as some crappy poppy music bleared out. Dean instantly brought the car to a halt to stop it.

"Sorry." Cas mumbled.

"It's okay Cas. Didn't know you were a fan of," Dean bit his tongue and stopped himself insulting what he thought was the angels taste in music, even though it did suck. "-this sort of music."

"I'm not. I didn't know what the buttons did. I like, your music Dean." Cas mumbled looking at his lap feeling a little stupid. Dean smiled and reached over, Cas' heart leapt he thought for a second Dean was going to take his hand but instead reached for the radio and put on his music.

"Finally." He muttered as he pulled out and kept driving. Finally he could drive with someone with taste in music. They continued their drive in comfortable silence with metallica playing in the background, Cas didn't know where they were going but he seemed to forget to care. He was alone with Dean that's all that mattered; he trusted that Dean wouldn't do anything stupid or dangerous, today. But where they were going still remained a mystery.

"Here we are." Dean told Cas as the impala pulled up outside a large building with writing around it and advertisements around the walls.

"What is this place Dean?" Cas asked as he examined the building before turning to Dean.

"This is called a cinema Cas; we're going to see a film." Dean told him, leaving no room for argument. Cas got out the car and watched as Dean walked towards the cinema. Dean turned when he got to the door Cas was still by the car. The hunter rolled his eyes and walked back towards him, expecting some sort of explanation, though all he got was.

"Why?" Cas seemed genially confused which both annoyed and amused the hunter.

"Why not?" Cas made his was around the impala to stand next to Dean by the curb.

"Dean I don't understand, why have you brought me here?" he spoke in an almost hushed whisper, as if Dean was about to go all gun happy against an evil movie theatre, Dean smiled a little but managed to hide it, Cas was always on the job he needed to relax.

"Jeez Cas, it's just a film, Sam and Bobby are no good to anyone today so I thought why not, so you coming?" Dean was just about to turn when he saw Cas fidget from one foot to the other, looking at the ground with what seemed to be a small pink flush to his cheeks. Cas rubbed the back of his neck with one hand as he shifted again from on foot to another, emotions kept creeping up on him, he was now experiencing the relatively new emotion of embarrassment. "What?" Dean asked a little wary after eyeing his strange behaviour.

"I mailed Jimmy wallet back to his family, I don't have any money." If Cas didn't looked to flushed and uneasy and well adorable by being so, Dean would have laughed. Instead he put an arm around the angel shoulder guiding him towards the doors.

"Don't worry, it's on me." Cas relaxed a little but as he looked up to the hunter his face was still worried and creased.

"Your credit card is stolen it's not on you, I will not accept stolen money Dean, I am still an angel."

"Okay angel boy, to make you happy I'll pay with cash okay?" Cas smiled slightly and nodded as Dean opened the door and pointed to the room inside. "Now hurry your ass up before we miss it."

Dean brought two tickets and took Cas to the snack stand, the angel had no idea what was going on but followed the hunter as they approached and part of the cinema that seemed to be pumping sweet sticky warm sugary scents throughout the room, it wasn't completely unpleasant.

"Can I help?" a tall slightly lanky teenager asked from behind the counter.

"Erm yes. Two sodas and popcorn," Dean turned to find Cas standing way to close, Dean only took a small step back, but kept the relatively close distance between them "Cas what popcorn do you want, salt or sweet?" Cas simply shrugged. "Pick one." It didn't help matters that Cas was watching Dean's mouth as they spoke.

"I don't know, you choose."

"I like both, so it's your choice." Cas then moved in to Dean and whispered slightly embarrassed again.

"I don't know Dean; I have never tasted either before."

"Okay then." Dean said as he moved away from Cas and looked back to the guy serving them, a little red himself it dawned on Dean how close they must have been and how that must have given the wrong impression, strange Dean didn't really care. "Erm, hey can my friend, yeah have one piece of both sweet and salt before he makes a decision he's never had popcorn before."

"Seriously, never." The boy looked to Cas who seemed uneasy and didn't like the guys attention, the workers gaze then fell back to Dean, whose polite smile faded to a death glare for making Cas even more embarrassed "Okay, okay." The boy hurried of and came back soon after holding a single piece in each hand. "This is salt" the boy gestured "and this sweet." He did it again and then looked to Cas and waited.

"Cas, go on try it."

"I don't want too."

"For Christ sakes Cas-" Dean caught the glare Dean got for blaspheming "Sorry but will you just pick one the film is about to start any moment." Cas took a few steps forward and looked to both them pointed to the piece on the left.

"That one has the most pleasing aroma coming from it."

"Great, we'll have a large sweet then please." The boy nodded and turned to fill out the order, he was shocked , probably one of the weirdest orders he's had in a while, as he took the piece in his hand to the bin he raised them to his nose, they smelt yeah but not a lot. That guy was weird, they both were. The boy soon returned and Dean paid, making Cas smile warmly at the nice treatment his friend was showing him.

They handed in their tickets and walked the ill lit corridor in silence, looking for the correct scene. Dean carried the drinks and Cas the popcorn, it was rather tasty and he had already started to munch on it.

"You're hard work you know that." Dean jokingly told him as they found the screen.

"Sorry." Cas answered as he opened screen door 7 open for them.

"Its fine, but you better pray there are good seats left…not, literally Cas. Come on." Dean hurried into the theatre and found a row near the back that had no one sitting there so sat down and waited for Cas to follow.

They sat down just in time for the film to begin, Dean was right, inaccurate to the point of him whispering to Cas what he would do in that situation and why the character are thick as shit and are trying to die whilst Cas ate his popcorn quietly and watched. Loving the surround sound booming and the large screen playing the film it was quiet an experience. He listen when Dean started talking, he agreed with the hunters points but didn't see why it mattered. He was expecting inaccuracies as it didn't state it was a documentary it had to be fiction, therefore a dramatic edge was spun to it, but he let Dean continue to talk, for which Dean was grateful he was never one to sit in silence in the cinema. At least Cas didn't do a Sam and tell him to shut up or move away from him entirely.

When the movie was over and the lights came up Cas was left with a nagging feeling in his stomach, then in looked down and realised why, he had eaten all the popcorn himself, including his drink and some of Dean's. The hunter saw Cas examining the empty box.

"Quite the little eater when you get going aren't you."

"Sorry. You should have taken some."

"Will you stop apologising Cas, and err no I couldn't I don't really like popcorn, I brought it for you." There was an awkward silence were both man blushing slightly as they shuffled out of the row of chairs and down the steps, Dean walked in front so didn't see the smile that was plastered over Cas' face.

When they got to the door, Dean reached out and took the popcorn box from Cas, and threw it in the bin for him, trying to ignore the tingles he got from the two second contact of their hands.

The two walked out into the lobby, for a moment Dean thought he knew a young woman they walked past, she was with what must have been her boyfriend, her face seemed so familiar, he just couldn't quite place it so instead he shrugged it of and walked out in other cool fresh air.

"Thank you Dean. I had a very pleasant time."

"Me too." Dean told him as he fumbled in his pockets to get the keys.

Before even Cas could react Dean received a hard shove from behind and he collided with the impala. He turned fast and came face to face with the woman and man they had walked past a few moments ago. The ginger slightly chubby man was standing directly in front of him.

"That's them babe, their the fags."

"What?" both hunter and angel asked at once.

"Wait a second you're the waitress that served me the other day." Dean told himself, her face just clicking.

"That's right and I saw your disgusting behaviour as you came into the lot." The woman spat.

"What are you talking about?" Dean was genuinely confused, was this girl crazy or something.

"Dean I think she's talking about your reckless driving as you pulled into the car park." Cas lent over and answered the only logical thing he could think of. The waitress went red in anger thinking the smaller man was trying to be clever.

"Shut it you fairy I'm talking about you blowing him!"

"What?" Cas asked this was absurd, in dreams yeah sure all the time but not when they were awake, not that that part was up to Cas of course.

"In your dreams love." Dean snorted, this whole situation was laughable. The man didn't see the humour.

"You wanna watch your mouth, that's my bird." The man told Dean and gestured to her using his thumb.

"My condolences." Cas told the man completely straight faced and serious, Dean couldn't help but laugh. The waitress' mouth fell open and the man started to get really angry.

"What! You wont be so cocky when I beat your little bum bubby up." He spat at Cas as he gripped Dean's shoulder quite tightly. This didn't have the affect the couple was looking for.

"Please go ahead, I am sure that Dean will, how do they say it, kick your ass. But by all means try." The hunter couldn't not smirk at that.

"Alright you little cocky bastard, how about I beat the crap out of you." The man said turning his attention the smaller man that seemed to have an answer for everything.

"This shall be entertaining, won't it Cas." Dean casually leened back against the impala arms folded agaist his chest, the man and woman were a little intimidated by their casual behaviour, well the woman was, the man just got angry. He pulled out a small blade and smirked as Dean stood up and looked more serious.

"Ya laughing now?"

"Dean get behind me" Cas told the hunter eyes fixed with the man in front of him.

"But," Dean was about to protest but Cas looked at him in a 'don't be so stupid; angel, human. But thanks for caring' kind of way. "Oh yeah right." Dean stood behind the angel, placing a hand on his shoulder letting him know he's not alone.

"Stab me if you wish, it won't change that fact you are a pathetic human that has no place in heaven." The angel rumbled, taking the armed man by surprise.

"Freak." Is all he managed as an answer to Cas' strange statement.

"I know." Cas answered.

"You're not a freak Cas." Dean gently told Cas, who turned and caught his eye, the angels eyes instantly softened, he saw truth in Dean's eyes. It made him feel warm inside.

"Thank you." He whispered back. The hunter and angel didn't know how long they were staring, but it must have been too long as the man in front of them boiled out in anger and screamed.

"Fags!" as he lunged forward and thrust the blade into Cas' side. A spike of panic initially rose in Dean's stomach and he felt sick, before remembering Cas was an angel and being stabbed was like a scrapped knee, probably hurt less than that so he calmed down and watched the shock and fear in the mans face.

"Ray!" the waitress scream not believing what she saw. "What have you done?" Ray stepped back in shock, he never expected to actually do it. The waitress dragged the man away and they both ran as fast as they could. Dean was so angry as what he had witnessed, those fucking bastards.

"That's it run you pussy's, just remember that for the rest of your life Dean Winchester is looking for you!"

"Dean." Cas whimpered and grabbed Dean's attention, who spun around.

"Yeah Cas?"

"Can you pull it out? It's uncomfortable."

"Sure." Dean did so and blood started to stream, covering Cas' white shirt in dark red blood. "Erm Cas, it is supposed to bleed as much."

"What? Oh, no. Dean, it, it hurts." He mumbled, surprised he was feeling so much.

"Is that, is that normal?" Dean asked starting to panic.

"No." At that Dean put Cas up against the impala, who applied all his weight to it. He ripped Cas' shirt open took off his jacket took off his t shirt and pressed it against the wound, keeping pressure to try and stop the bleeding. Cas' breathing picked up pace and his face turned white, Dean was really worried now. Plus people were staring and coming over.

"I'm calling an ambulance."

"No. no Dean I'll be fine, just have to use more of my grace then usual. It will just take more out of me."

"What. What is that supposed to mean. I'm not loosing you Cas." Dean could feel the sting of tears in the back of his eyes, not again Cas can't die again. Please god please, is all that went through his mind.

"You won't, I'm still here. I'll just won't be up to fighting for a bit, I'm afraid you won't have an angel as an ally in this war for a few days." Cas reassured the hunter and tried to smile, but coughed up a little blood instead.

"Fuck the war Cas, your more that an angel to me, your more that an ally, Cas you're my friend. Do what you have to do to be okay?" Dean told him as he cupped the angels face with his free hand, who nodded.

"Okay, get me in the impala. Backseat. I need to rest. I may bleed on the seat."

"Don't give a shit Cas just hold on." Dean said as he helped his friend into the car and drove as fast as he could.

"Drive somewhere where no one is. Don't want to risk anyone seeing."

"Right." A few minutes later the impala stopped in a field nears Bobby's. A few minutes after ordering Dean to close his eyes the angel climbing into the front seat, breathless and tried. "How you doing?" Dean was almost too scared to ask.

"Looks like I'll be trying out sleeping again after all."

The sat in silence while Dean drove them back to Bobby's. They got out and despite Cas' objections, the hunter put the angels arm around his shoulders and helped him into the house. carrying his bloodied tee in the other hand.

Sam was seated on the sofa, flicking through the channels with a can of mountain dew in one hand (and several empty ones scattered over the floor.) He jumped to his feet as Dean came in, his mouth fell open when he saw the state in which he came in.

"In a minute Sammy." Dean told him as he left the room taking Cas upstairs.

"I'll be alright from here Dean." Cas told him when they reached the top of the stairs, he turned to Dean on the step below so for once he was shorter.

"Fuck that, I'm taking you to bed." Dean told him as he slid an arm around Cas waist and looked up into those beautiful blue eyes.

"Okay." Is all Cas could manage, he knew what Dean meant but he also knew what he wanted Dean to mean. Dean took Cas to the room he usually sleeps in and in silence carefully removed his shoes, socks, coat, jacket and shirt, making sure to leave his trouser on, to be safe.

"Thank you." Cas whispered as he started to get comfortable, Dean smiled and left. He went down stairs to explain everything to Sam, who wasn't best impressed.

After around two hours Dean went to check on the Cas, he was as they say sleeping like an angel, at least he was resting. Dean quietly came into the room and gently sat on the edge of the bed and spent a few stolen moments watching Cas' eyes flicker and listen to him breathe. He stroked Cas' hair whispered,

"Don't you dare leave me Cas."

in his ear then placed a soft kiss on Cas' temple. Dean swallowed before he stood up and even through everything inside of him was screaming tell him to stay the hunter left, when Cas heard the door closed again he opened his eyes, and stared at the door.

"I would never leave you Dean." Cas whispered to himself as he ran his hand over the part that Dean kissed, the part that still tingled. "I don't understand you." Cas said again. He was feeling a lot better, not completely but the wound was healed and he felt more like himself. Stabbing or no stabbing Cas was going to dream stalk his charge tonight, he had to if he was expected to get through another day.

"I'll see you in your dreams."

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><p><strong>The part about that waitress and the guy and the stabbing etc was a dream I had the other day, yes I'm that obsessed i am starting to dream about Dean and Cas lol anyway yeah since then the scene wouldn't leave my head so if you hated it blame my subconscious lol ;)<strong>

**Anyway pretty please leave a review ;D xXx**


	16. Chapter 16

**XXXX :D THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! :D XXXX**

**this was supposed to be up yesturday but it seemed that everything hated that idea, lmy laptop decided to fuck with me, my interenet failed, then i fell asleep LOL so anyway here it is**

**Cas' second session of dream stalking.**

**i have to say i awwed when i wrote this lol hope you like :D**

**warnings for spelling and grammar ;P**

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><p>Dean has to ignore that voice inside of him every time he's around Cas, this is just one more time he can't do what he wants. Dean thought as he walked down stairs, he hated it but it had to be done. He reasoned with himself as he sat down on the old familiar sofa, he put his head in his hands closed his eyes and tried not to think.<p>

"How is he?" Sam asked as he gently sat himself next to his brother.

"He'll be fine." He told his brother head still buried, the hunter told a deep breath in and sighed as he rubbed his face before looking at Sam. "What's the time? I want to sleep." Sam was a little shocked by the randomness of his question, but also a little worried that he was so tied after looking at his watched he answered.

"It's like 4:30."

"Too early?" Dean asked jokingly but completely serious.

"A little yeah. Are you okay Dean?"

"I'm fine." Dean answered instantly and Sam frowned at the answer he always gets, he placed a hand on deans arm forced deans attention.

"You're my brother; we can have an honest convocation about this if you want." Upon hearing Sam's caring words and the sincerity behind them, Deans gaze went from his brothers brown caring eyes to dart around the room, he couldn't look at his brother when he was like this, he felt so guilty for shutting the boy out, but what was he supposed to do. A tears ran down Dean left cheek. Thankfully it was the eye away from Sam so the younger hunter didn't see but did notice the pained expression. Dean did want to tell him, but after so long of shutting everyone out and doing it alone talking becomes almost impossible especially with those you love the most. Sam sighed and stood sensing defeated, like always. "Fine. Give me the keys I'll go get some food."

Sam was now certain something was wrong because Dean tossed his brother the keys without a glare and a threat to bring his baby back in one piece nothing just a parting little smile before he turned his attention to the TV and started to flick through the channels. Sam sighed before he left.

After a few minutes Dean realised he hadn't seen Bobby at all that day so decided to check on him.

"Hey bobby! You still alive!" the hunter shouted from the sofa. What he got in return was something along the lines of,

"Narr arghi fon, fuck off." Dean laughed to himself and settled down to watch Dr sexy, and for a few moments Dean forgot about everything.

He mindlessly ate what Sam brought back eyes clued to the screen not bothering to talk. He couldn't talk because all he could think about was that, all he wanted to do was go to sleep dream and have everything that will forever be out of his reach. Dean couldn't risk this spilling from his mouth, so kept it shut and filled it with cheap food and warm beer.

Bobby finally came out his room when he smelt food and Sam and Bobby gathered in the living room to join Dean in watching what ever the hell he was watching.

"What the hell is this?" Bobby asked after a few minutes starring at the screen.

"X-files." Dean told them.

"Seriously?" Sam asked hardly believing his brother.

"It came on, I thought why not." they sat in silence for a moment or two, when Scully and Mulder came on screen Dean patted Sam on the arm and pointed to Mulder. "That's me. You're the red head." he told him as he pointed to Scully Sam rolled his eyes unammused,

"Grow up Dean, if I was anyone I would be Mulder you're the sceptic."

"But I'm more manly." Dean came back with; Sam decided not to get into it and shovelled some more fires into his face. Bobby mumbled something about the two of them being idjits and drank some more beer.

It was nine o'clock when Dean went to check on Cas again. As he opened the door he saw the angel lying on top of the covers, wings in full view wrapped around his naked form. Naked all but his boxers which Dean silently thanked god for that. He didn't know what to do, the hunter felt like he should give his friend some privacy but he couldn't seem to look away, it was such a strange and unique sight to behold, for the first time in a long time he was thankful for the life he led, if he was normal he would never have been able to see such a sight. His breath hitched in his throat as Cas shifted and a long muscular naked leg stretched out on the bed, wings starting at the top of his thigh. After a long moment Dean turned and left the room however not before he heard Cas turned again and groan in his sleep which just had to sound like a sex noise of course it did, fucking angels.

Dean refused to looked behind him as he left the room, another look at the angel looking so vulnerable and he may just have to, dare he say _cuddle_ him. Dean took himself straight to the bathroom where he had himself a shower and a little 'me' time, having lost all the blood from his brain when Cas showed of his bloody leg and even more so when he made that fucking noise, now Dean can't not think about fucking him.

What's a man to do? He's only human after all.

After a well deserved shower Dean made his way down stairs planning to sleep on the sofa, feeling spent and worn out and in even more need to dream now. Dean came into the living room with a blanket he got from the upstairs cupboard to find Sam and Bobby, still watching x files.

"You gotta be kidding me."

"What?" Sam asked sounding completely innocent.

"Guys I really want to sleep, I'm tired."

"You have a bed Dean." Sam told his brother and turned back to the TV.

"Cas is using it."

"You two could share." Sam's attempted at humour wasn't as successful and he was planning it to be. Dean gave his brother a death glare, because yeah it did piss him of, you think that thought didn't already cross his mind and two glaring meant he could cover up the flushed in his cheeks he tried desperately to push down.

"Alright, alright, come on Bobby." Sam stood and turned off the TV, he wasn't scared of Dean but new him well enough not to 'poke the bear' as they say.

Bobby just huffed and Sam took him to the study, and Dean settle down to sleep. The sofa wasn't that bad he's slept in worse motel beds.

After what seemed like an age, but when he looked at the clock it was only half an hour Dean heard the other two hunters go to bed.

It didn't take too long after that for sleep to envelope him, he welcomed the darkness and prayed for a dream to comfort his Castiel filled worried mind.

Cas sat up on the bed and looked to his wings, they were comforting. He had to sleep for him to heal and restore himself properly, it worked. The angel was just glad he controlled it enough not to dream and leave his grace in much control and not Jimmy because he didn't know if he could handle another dream.

The house was silent, so the angel put his wings away and clothes on before sneaking downstairs to find Dean where he thought he would be, and he was sleeping, perfect.

Castiel slowly made his way towards the sleeping hunter and gently ran his fingers through Dean's hair. He entered the hunters dream with a kiss to the forehead.

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><p>Cas found himself laying on the floor, the travel knocked the wind out of him, but in no way hurt as much as he thought it would.<p>

When he stood up, he found that he was standing in a diner and made himself disappear quickly. He looked around the place, then the door opened and two teenage boys ran into the diner, past Cas and into a booth. They were holding hands and laughing.

The taller boy was well muscled and the smaller was more lanky but you could tell he could take care of himself. Cas looked closely at the two, the taller boy was wearing a leather jacket, his eyes were bright and a familiar green and if there was any doubt he was wearing the amulet Sam gave him, teenage dream Dean was hot Cas thought, jail bate but hot.

The angel turned his attention to the boy now sitting on the booth seat next to dream Dean but his legs were over his lap and resting on the other side on the seat, his arm was around dream Dean's neck and dream Dean's arm around his waste. Cas tensed for a moment as a spike of jealously griped his stomach, in hindsight he should have known but it wasn't until dream Dean spoke did he click.

"Cas, I swear if you order one more salad I am leaving you." Dream Dean jokingly warned the boy in his arms. Cas' mouth fell open slightly he really should have known, Dean's dreams did tend to have a certain pattern. This is how he thinks Jimmy would look at seventeen. Not too bad, eyes are too blue Cas thought, does Dean think my eyes are that blue? He pondered, as he tried to remember what he looked like.

"At last been trying to get rid of you for months now." Dream Cas continued their little bickering session through a smirk.

"Fuck, you." Dream Dean spoke slowly as he moved in to claim the boy's lips.

"Okay." Dream Cas whispered as they plunged into a very public make out session and it wasn't until Ellen came over did they stop.

"Put him down Dean, you will you two have?" she told the boy that was like family as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, heya Ellen how's Bobby?" Dean asked trying to sound as casual as possible while dream Cas started to lick his neck. Ellen decided not to notice, teenagers.

"He's just fine, expecting you to see him about part time work like you said you would last week."

"Sorry been a little," dream Cas sank his teeth lightly into the pulse point on dream Dean's neck, making him shudder and groan out loud as he continued to try and speak. "Busy."

"I see that." Ellen told them in a matter of fact way as she eyed Cas up. "What are you two having?" despite herself a smile crept onto her face, it was good to see the boys happy.

"bacon cheese burger for me, and a grilled chicken salad for the Mrs." Dream Dean told her, dream Cas didn't like his new nickname so he prodded Dream Dean in the ribs right were he was sensitive, that made him yelp and Ellen decided it was time for her exit.

"Right, I'll bring you two some soda too."

"Thanks." Dream Dean called after her, she watch out the corner of her eye as dream Dean grabbed dream Cas' hand and pulled it away from his side and put his fingers inside his mouth and suck them, causing dream Cas to groan and start rubbing his leg against Dean now hardening cock. Just as the boys lustful gaze locked, Ellen coughed from where she was and gave them a warning look. Dream Dean sank a little in his seat.

"Great. Now she's gonna tell Bobby that will tell my dad who will tell my mum that we were being smutty in public, _again_."

"Come on baby" dream Cas ran his fingers up and down dream Dean's chest as he spoke, like he was trying to seduce dream Dean, even though he wasn't trying very hard, it turned the boy on, just to hear his gravely sexy voice with those eyes, teenagers. "It's not like last time, we have our clothes on."

"Hmm, maybe we should correct that." Dream Dean smirked as he scanned his eyes over the in his arms. Ellen came over and slammed the sodas on the table not majoraly but loud enough to grab the twos attention, dream Dean and dream Cas did jump and were pulled out of their little trance they sent each other in.

Cas was also startled he had been watched intently, this was insane the thought, though couldn't deny how happy they both looked how relaxed and care free, this scene did seem perfect. Once Ellen had there attention she leaned into the two so the couple other customers were unable to hear.

"There you go two sodas and boys, not in my diner okay. You wouldn't fuck in your parents bed so don't fuck in your aunties diner, I'll be keeping an eye on toilet doors." Both boys were taken back by her words, but then again Ellen was never one to beat around the bush.

"Yes ma'am." Was all Dean managed whilst Cas just stayed quiet as his cheeks blushed.

"Car park? Knock your selves out. Hell, go around back, but if anyone catches you, I know nothing."

Wow Cas thought they must have quiet a reputation, the angel watched as dream Dean blushed further, whilst dream Cas' eyes lit up a little.

"No it's alright Ellen, but thanks." Dean sheepishly told her, Ellen gave the two a wink before she left.

"Dean, why would you do that?" Dream Cas moaned, he seemed to be accustomed to car sex.

"I'm not going to do it when Ellen knows it's weird, she would like know what were doing, it's like when I stayed around yours for the first time and your dad left a condom on the bed with that 'be safe' note."

"Okay I see your point."

"Here you go." Ellen said as she placed the boy's orders in front of them.

"Thanks." Was all dream Dean could say before his plunged into his food. Cas smiled to himself; some things never change.

"Thank you Mrs Singer."

"Cas, your making me feel old, it's Ellen." Dream Cas and Cas smiled at that and Cas continued to watch as the two boys ate their food on comfortable silence, giving each other sideways glances ever so often. When they had finished dream Dean put his hand in his pocket and dream Cas stopped him, attracting each others eye.

"Put your money away Dean, I'm getting this." Dream Dean smiled and lent forward and they shared a kiss that was unlike the ones Cas has witnessed in this dream, it wasn't passionate, rough and needy it was soft and tender a loving kiss that made Cas' heart ache.

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><p>As the boys stood the scene started to fade, more that anything Cas wanted to stay in this dream, it was a good dream, Cas liked it. But he couldn't stop the colour fading and before long he found himself in a club. The music was pounding and his ears were already ringing. He moved to the corner as quickly as possible so he could sort himself out. He turned himself invisible and set to work finding Dean.<p>

Cas scanned the dance floor beyond him, for a moment all he saw was a mass of bodies moving together to the sound and beat of the music that was so loud the angel felt the bass vibrate through the wooden floor. When his eyes adjusted to the lights he started to make out peoples faces, then right in front of him he saw dream Dean and a very shirt dream him on the dance floor near the bar and the speaker.

A dream Cas put something on his tongue, something small and white Cas could quite work it out but knew it couldn't be good. Dream Dean then used his tongue to take it, they ended up sharing what Cas expected was E through an open mouth kiss as they continued to grind up against each other to the music. Cas blushed at the seen before him, they seemed to be rubbing their hands over each others bodies, once the song changed dream Cas dragged dream Dean to the dark corner of the club. A very high looking dream Cas pushed a drunk and buzzing dream Dean against the wall right next to Cas.

"You're so hot." Dream Cas whispered into dream Dean's ear as he fumbled with dreams Dean's flies.

"What was your name again?" dream Dean asked, dream Cas cocked his head up and tilted it to the side a little confused, why did it matter?

"You're very formal." Dream Cas told him with a little smirk on his lips.

"Come on man, I'm Dean."

Dream Cas smiled before bringing his mouth to dream Dean's neck, he licked it hard feeling the muscle beneath the skin, tasting the sweat before whispering into the mans ear. "Cas."

"Good to meet you" dream Dean moaned out before flipping their positions, grabbing dream Cas' legs and wrapping them around his waist and shoving him into the wall. Dream Dean and dream Cas' lips collided fiercely. Before long dream Dean's hand had snaked its way into dream Cas' jeans and he started to pump his hard leaking cock.

"Oh god." The smaller man moaned. Cas stared completely frozen in position eyes flicking between dream Dean's hands. The version of his face and how their hips bucked together rubbed dream Dean's cock against dream Cas ass, whilst they sucked and bit each others necks. All the while their breathing and panting was way louder than the music for Cas, it attacked his ears and he soon realised he was also hard. "Dean Right?" dream Cas gasped, dream Dean could only nod, "put me down." Dream Dean was a little taken back by this, he thought they were having a good time, but he released the man's legs, as soon as he did dream Cas pushed dream Dean back up against the wall, sank to his knees and started sucking.

"Fuck Cas." dream Dean moaned as he ran a hand through the man's hair and started to thrust. Cas continued to stare it was so, so god dam good he thought as he ran his hand up and down his harden cock.

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><p>Just as he started to undo his zipper the music startled to muffle and the sight before him became obscure and dark, before he knew it he was in yet another dream. Cas was standing uncomfortably hard and frustration, in the middle of some random street at night oh and to top it of it's raining.<p>

The angel simply stood their for a moment before focusing and disappearing, just before a very wet and scared looking dream version of him comes running around the corner and tripped over the curb. Dream Cas ended up laying on the wet ground starring the way he'd came just as a large muscled man comes around the corner, eyes locked with dream Cas' with a horribly sinister smile on his face.

The sadistic look on the mans face put Cas on edge slightly and even tensed his arms a little, before remembering it was a dream and no one could in fact get hurt, even so the angel promise himself if this guy starts on Dean even if it is a dream and it will blow his cover he will have to step in, Cas was not about to watch Dean get hurt even if the real Dean was still fast asleep and safe, for now at least.

A moment later the man was a metre away from dream Cas' feet that was still on the floor scrabbling backwards, with terror in his eyes. Then the man stopped and still with a smirk across his dark twisted face pulled a large machete seemingly from nowhere. Dream Cas screamed as the man before him lifted the blade above his head and went to strike the poor man down. Dream Cas covered his face as he wept frozen in fear, Cas felt strange an odd sensation filled him, he was about to watch himself die andefore Cas' eyes the man was dragged back around the corner.

It felt strangely endearing to be about to watch ones on self perish. Cas began to think about his death, if he was to truly die in this fight, it was no doubt be a necessary sacrifice for a worthy course, but would it hurt? Where would he go after? Heaven was a paradise for humans after death, did angels have a heaven? All of this Cas had never needed to question before. Yet one thing above all else circled his mind. Would Dean remember him? What would he leave behind? Suddenly his life didn't seem like something he wanted to lay on the line. He'd grown accustomed to life, to the Winchesters and their little habits and tendencies, their life didn't seem bad he liked being apart of it. If he died it would end, there would be no more life, no more friends, no more Dean. Cas swallowed at that and somewhere along his thoughts his eyes had closed when he opened them he hard what sounded like the ending of a fight from around the corner.

Dream Cas was still quivering on the floor eyes shut and arm across his face, poor guy seemed terrified Cas thought, why would Dean dream him so scarred and alone?

Then from the dark corner came a large dark figure, covered in black and face hidden behind a mask. He walked towards dream Cas crouched and touched his arm. Dream Cas yelped and tried to scurry away.

"Hey, hey it's okay," the man whispered, Cas' mouth fell at the sound of his voice, it couldn't be.

"Who, who are you?" dream Cas shakily asked?

"I'm batman." The man answered with a warm smile that shone in his green eyes even in the dark street.

You Have got to be _kidding_ me! Cas thought as he looked at dream Dean wide eyed and open mouth, if he wasnt so shocked- and also still hard (the costume didnt help with that), he would have laughed. 'Batman' then got up and started to walk away, dream Cas scrabbled to his feet and ran after him.

"Wait!" Dream Cas turned the man around, and before he lost his nerve or managed to talk himself out of it, he grabbed his cheeks and pulled him in for a quick hard kiss. They pulled apart and rested there foreheads together for a second, "Thank you" dream Cas whispered and turned to run home before batman could answer him or kiss him again.

"Anytime Cas." dream Dean whispered to himself before disappearing into the night.

Cas was left standing dumbstruck standing in the rain just as the lightening started to light up the street the scene before the angel starting to fade and lighten, not like the other times so Cas knew this meant Dean was waking.

Cas didn't want his adventure to be over for another night, but he also knew he couldn't continue like this, tomorrow things had to change.

He promised himself before taking himself back to the bed Dean had left him in. knowing he had to do something.

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><p><strong>Becasue we all know Dean winchester is secretly batman ;) <strong>

**okay so batman? yeah it had to be done LOL :D -mechete- stabbing, Dean rescuing, i tried to make it link to what happened outside the movie theatre, but with a Dean edge to it lol ^_^ **

**please review :') xxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**heya! :D there are no excuses, there really arent im sorry this hasnt been updated, please forgive me, as it has taken forever to update ive made the chapter longer, call it an olive branch lol xx**

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><p>Castiel was determined, extremely, completely determined at what he had to do, he wanted answers, he needed answers if he had any hope in ever getting his head around this situation. This he knew, but he couldn't stop the gnawing feel in his stomach making him nauseous and start to doubt himself. He knew doubt he was an expert of this, doubt was the first thing he started to feel, doubt has want ended him up here, he doesn't regret it he wouldn't change it for anything, Castiel knew his place was here by Dean's side. Yet this doesn't change the fact that he hated the feeling, he really hated it. hH was always so sure of himself now all he did was question his motives, his actions, other peoples possible actions, these thoughts were so distracting for the life of him he couldn't leave the room, he couldn't face it he was so, so nervous. The angel was incredibly nervous. He was pacing up and down in front of the door he knew he had to walk through but couldn't bring himself to do it.<p>

Cas had no idea how long he was pacing trying to talk himself into leaving room, but after a long time he stopped and faced door. After stepped towards it and holding the handle Cas took some deep breaths, just do it he thought just do it. The angel closed his eyes and opened the door and without giving himself time to think he marched down the hall and didn't stop until he was standing in front of Dean, who was sitting on the sofa book in his hands as he flicked through the pages. When the angel came and stood in front of him, Dean looked up an instant smile on his smile. But seeing just how confused sad and conflicted the poor guy looked, that smile instantly vanished as quickly as it arrived.

"Cas, what's happened?" the hunter asked as he jumped to his feet and put a hand onto Cas' shoulder, the angel resisted the urge to close his eyes and relish in the feeling. Dean waited patiently for his friend to talk, it took Cas a few times of opening and closing his mouth before words finally fell from his lips.

"We should talk."

"Okay." Dean agreed and waited for more. The sound of wheels snapped Cas' attention away from Dean and to the older hunter, wishing he wasn't there. Privacy was needed for this, that much he was sure of. Dean followed his gaze and looked to Bobby who had just wheeled himself into the room.

"Don't mind me, its only my house after all." Bobby snapped at the sight of the two of them, clearly in some tight nit convocation.

"Come on." Dean whispered to Cas before taking hold of his wrist and leading him upstairs, throwing Bobby an apologetic glance as he did so.

"Where's Dean going?" Sam asked who was faffing around in the kitchen doing something or nothing. The older hunter scoffed and spoke as he took himself further into his living room, the tension of unspoken words still lingered in the air.

"Took angel boy to his room for some privacy."

"About fucking time." Sam said more to himself than anything, he smirked to himself after hearing his own words, he found himself funny. The hunter then left the kitchen and re-joined Bobby in the study.

Cas allowed Dean to led him back to the room he just spent a long time trying to get out of. The hunter walked in front of him as they ascended the stairs still holding onto his wrist. Cas couldn't help but watch the gently sway of Dean's perfect hips and the way his jeans shaped his ass perfectly. The angel shook his head, he couldn't allow himself to get so distracted, he was slightly regretting his decision to dream stalk his charge, because thoughts like that wouldn't have came into his mind before, he would never have thought to notice. Yet now that's all he does notice, just like he noticed this t-shirt was slight baggy and how easy it would be to slid his hands up inside it, dammit he was doing it again. Cas made the decision to look at the floor for the rest of the short journey.

When they entered the room, Dean let go of Cas' wrist though it was he last thing the angel wanted. The hunter lent up against the wall and watched Castiel carefully make his way to the bed and stiffly sit down, making sure his eyes stayed fix onto the floorboards beneath his feet.

The silence stretched on and Dean wanted to say something, but choose instead to stand and wait, giving Cas the opportunity to speak in his own time, after all he knew Cas had something to say, he had approached Dean. Plus considering the trouble actually of saying the words is causing the angel, it must be worth waiting to hear.

"Dean," Cas finally croaked out still staring at the dirt floor, trying to concentrate on the words that refuse to form in his mind.

"Yeah Cas," Dean tried to speak softly and calmly, but he was really starting to get worried all he wanted to do was shake the angel until he spat it out, though he knew this wasn't an option so instead he stood and waited.

"I'm confused." Cas spoke so meekly it near enough broke Dean's heart, to see the once great self assured 'take on hell and what of it' angel look so broken. The hunter wanted to give him a hug, more than anything wanted to feel his body against his, to give some comfort and try to sooth the poor angels mind.

"About what?" he asked, Cas didn't answer instead he got to his feet and walked towards the hunter, who was still leaning against the wall. Personal space issues forgotten and he near enough pinned the hunter against the wall. This was much like he had seen them do in Dean's dream, apart from the sudden fear in Dean's eyes. "Cas? What are you…doing?" Dean wheezed out, no force and too much air accompanied his words as he stared at the angel so, oh so close to him.

"Searching." He whispered, as if Dean was a small animal and the angel didn't want to scare him and course him to run away. Cas knew when he walked into the room, he couldn't talk to Dean he couldn't say the words. What is there to say? So instead the angel decided to try to mimic a dream situation; then maybe just maybe Dean could behave in the same way, or see that not everything has to be in his dreams.

"Cas," Dean breathed unable to look away. After a moment or two Cas sighed giving up on the pipe dream and sat back down on the bed. "What's going on?"

"I don't know Dean." Cas honestly told him. The hunter went around to the other side of the bed and laid down in his. "Are you going to sleep?" he asked, hoping he wouldn't but at the same time slightly hoping he would.

"No, just need to lye down that sofa's seen better days."

"I'll leave you to it." The angel started to stand when Dean reached over and put his hand on Cas' back.

"Stay. Don't leave Cas." The angel thought Dean almost sounded as if he was begging, almost. He knew he couldn't deny his charge a thing so sat back on the bed.

"As you wish." He said as he tried to mimic Dean's laying position, it took a little while but found a less awkward position. He did find lying on a comfortable bed relaxing but at this moment when lying next to him not six inches away was Dean, so relaxation wasn't really on the cards for him. "You confuse me Dean. I'm trying to understand, get to grips with everything, but it's hard." Castiel confused, it wasn't the deep talk he wanted, well needed, but it did feel good to get that off his chest.

"Hey." Dean whispered dropping his hand to touch the back of Cas'. The angels eyes shot down to see the soft barely touching contact that hit him like a tone of bricks and rushed through his body until every part of him could feel Dean's soft warm skin. "You'll get there. It might take time, but you will." Then Dean did something the angel never expected and was more than he hoped for.

He suspected his action shocked Dean also. After his comforting words, Dean moved his hand and slid it into Cas'. The angel wanted to thank Dean for his lovely words but at the feeling of Dean touching him in such a gentle way words seemed too hard. Cas instantly felt warm all over and an odd sensation in his stomach, like it came alive he believed human called it 'butterflies', though he didn't understand why. There would never be a realistic situation where butterflies would be in your stomach. Though Cas didn't dwell on this thoughr, how could he was completely enveloped in calmness as he laid there a gentle smile on his lips, the angel wasn't tired but found it better when he closed his eyes.

"Dean?" Cas spoke quietly eyes still closed.

"hmm?"

"I tried, I really did." He told the hunter, he got no reply "Dean?" still nothing after opening his eyes and looking over he saw the hunter had drifted into sleep.

As soon as the angel realised his charge was asleep the idea was planted and had taken root just as quickly. After slipping his hand out of Dean's hold, which he absolutely hated doing; he placed two fingers to Dean's forehead and was immediately taken to Dean's dreams.

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><p>Cas decided that since he can't speak to the man in real life then many he could in his dreams, it was worth a shot Cas thought as he found himself in a wood, it was quiet, serine. Along the horizon of trees, Cas could see how the sun fought it's way through the branches leaking sun beams and casting shadows through the wood. The angel turned away from this and tried to find dream Dean and what he hoped was a dream him.<p>

"Cas, wait up!" called a man sounding rather amused, this voice was unmistakably dream Dean's full free light voice, Cas could tell already he was free from the worries of demons, ghost the apocalypse, and angels.

Castiel made quick work of finding dream him before dream Dean and without a word took him to the other side of the wood so dream Dean wouldn't see and give the game away.

Castiel kept his hand over the dream version of him's mouth until he was sure that dream him would not scream or runaway. They stood in deadly silence, facing and staring at each other for a moment.

"Well this is a new one." Dream Cas said after examining the mirror image before him, with a smirk on his lips, it looked weird on dream Cas' lips, his lips the angel thought. Though he couldn't help admire it.

"Excuse me?" He asked very confused. He looked dream Cas up and down, he was in jeans and a baggy t-shirt he recognised as the same one he wore when Dean lent him clothes. The angel couldn't help but feel a little spike of anger start to bubble in the pit of his stomach; that was his shirt he thought, Dean had given it to him. How dare this imposture wear it, though essentially they were the same person.

"I didn't see it taking this turn but yeah it sounds like fun."

"What are you talking about?" Cas demanded, not liking feeling even more aloof then normal, especially when he was making himself feel that way. Dream him eyed him closely looking confused before he explained.

"The three-way, why else was Dean dream of two of us." He stated casually, Cas' stomach dropped and it must have should in his face because dream Cas seemed to clicked at the situation before him. "He didn't dream you did he." Castiel looked around suddenly very aware that this was all inside Dean's head.

"Is Dean aware of this convocation?" dream Cas shook his head and Cas let out a breath feeling like he could breathe again. "Then no, he didn't dream me, just you. I need to know what is going on." Castiel felt completely desperate and he was aware that he was close to whining.

"What do you think?" Dream Cas stated with his voice heightened and eyebrows raised. Castiel's blank expression told his dream him that Cas really was that dense, he rolled his eyes before continuing. "Oh god, I'm really going to have to spell this out or you aren't I. I am whatever Dean needs me to be. You've just interrupted our sixth month anniversary picnic." Castiel listened closely to the words coming from 'his' mouth. "Sometimes I'm an angel, other times a human, once I was a demon." Castiel didn't miss the smirk smile that crept onto dream Cas' lips at that memory, this made Castiel's face heat a little, just realising that it was this dream manifestation that he had been spying on, watching him kiss Dean, watching his face as Dean was on his knees on front of him, it was this copy of himself that dream Dean had been with, and watching him turned the angel on, this time he really did blush. "Sometimes it's just about sex, the need and hunger for contact to be close. Other times he wants stability, tenderness. I remember one time I was an angel, I took him in my arms and we flew, soaring through the sky, I helped him get over his fear of flying."

"Dean has a fear of flying?" Cas asked, feeling embarrassed that he didn't know and stupid when dream him looking at him in a way that screamed 'you have got to be kidding me' Castiel choose not to care, as he was after all getting the information he desperately needed. Though what he was going to do with this information was a whole other story and yet another issue Cas hadn't planned for. "What does all this mean, in the real word?"

"Dean wants to be loved Castiel. Get your head out your ass and realise he wanted to be loved by you." It ruffled his feathers to be talked to in such a way, the only person that got away with this was in fact Dean, so he didn't like the way he talked to himself. Though choose not to say anything because having an argument with ones self seemed weirder to Castiel than being insulted by 'himself.'

"Cas! Baby come out, come out were ever you are." The two Castiels heard dream Dean shout from not so far away. Castiel stepped towards dream Cas and placed his hands either side of the mans face.

"What are you doing?" he asked a little taken back and tense from the strange gesture.

"I need him to speak to me the way he speaks to you." Cas mumbled as he looked deeper into the his eyes, his grace started to grow, dream Cas now knew what Cas was attempting was started to struggle a little as he protested.

"I _am_ you. Give him a chance, give him time and he'll talk to you."

"I don't have time." Castiel told him before the two forms of Castiel was reduced to one, dream Cas' energy being absorbed into Castiel's form, he couldn't have dream Cas coming in when he was trying to talk to dream Dean.

Cas quickly changed his appearance to match dream Cas'. His usual suit and coat being exchanged and faded to the jeans and his shirt dream Cas had worn. After ruffling his hair a little Cas turned and walked towards where he had heard the voice of dream Dean.

Dream Dean was standing by the impala, he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, so much the same as he usually does but he looked so much better. Probably due to the large smile that grew across his face when he saw Cas, the guy he thought was his boyfriend.

"There you are."

"Hi" Cas greeted him as he pushed a smile onto his face and tried to make it look as natural as he could. Dream Dean seemed to buy it, not that he had any reason to be suspicious, he walked the short distance to Cas. Dream Dean's left hand held Cas' hand and ran his right through Cas' hair, stopping at the nap of his neck, gently brushing the little hairs there. Cas' eyes instantly fluttered close at the new feeling and completely welcomed the sensation it gave him.

"Where'd you go?" Dean whispered a little worry attached to his words.

"For a walk." Dream Dean laughed a little as his shoulders relaxed.

"Only you Cas." He told him before kissed the hand he held and turned to lead the smaller man to a blanket a few feet from the impala, which they settled down on.

"Are you okay baby?" Dream Dean asked when he saw Cas looking him with soft eyes but a hardened face, somehow.

"I'm, I'm just happy."

"You're so soppy." Dream laughed before he made his way behind Cas, so the angel was sitting between his legs. Dream Dean's arms came around Cas' waist pulling him close. Dream Dean nuzzled into Cas' neck, placing odd kisses on his heated skin ever so often. Cas relaxed completely into the back of dream Dean and melted at his touch, it was so gentle, yet had a purpose. Cas had no idea how long they stayed that way, and he really didn't care, he was lost in the feeling, in dream Dean's subtle touches, in the way his breath ghosted over his sensitive skin on his neck, it was perfect.

"I think I love you." Cas whispered, without thinking but finally coming to terms and understanding what had been norring at him for so long, he couldn't seem to not say it not even realising the words that had fallen from his lips until he heard them along with dream Dean.

"Oh," dream Dean whispered tensing slightly. Suddenly panic washed over the angel, this wasn't a real situation, this wasn't his world. What if dream Dean and dream Cas weren't in that place in their relationship, what if they told each other they wouldn't say it, what if Cas was his dirty little secret and he actually had a girlfriend or wife somewhere, or what if Dream Dean doesn't believe in love, that scared him but more than anything it was the thought that; what if the real Dean doesn't too. Cas scrambled from dream Dean's warm embrace turned around and knelt facing the man he just professed his love too, still in-between his legs he couldn't look him in the eye and he stumbled over his words.

"I'm sorry, I, I shouldn't have," dream Dean had gotten to his knees too, so close they were touching. His hand was instantly under Cas' chin gently lifting his face so their eyes met. Dream Dean lent forward resting their foreheads together; Cas couldn't move he was terrified he's just fucked everything up.

"You should have. I never want you to feel like you can't talk to me and tell me what's on your mind." Dream Dean whispered as he ran a hand through the angel's hair. "Baby, I've never known what love is, all I know is that it hurts when I think of my life without you, you make me happy. So if this isn't love then I don't want it, because right here, this is perfect. You're perfect Castiel." Dream Dean pulled away to look at Cas face and into his eyes. The angel was smiling, he never thought he would hear words like that come from Dean, he didn't have words to describe how happy hearing them made him, but it showed in his face, he was now smiling wider then he had before. "I love you." Cas couldn't stop himself, he lunged forward colliding their lips with bruising force, knocking Dream Dean down.

The angel laid on his side next to him, one leg draped over dream Dean's body. They lazily made out for god knows how long. The kisses were needy and hungry but loving, content to go no further, not needing too. Feeling all the love and warmth they needed to feel from that moment in the caress of their lips and soft swipes of their warm velvet like tongues. Their kisses became softer and more spaced out and before long Cas' head was resting on his lovers chest. He ran his hand gently up and down Dean's firm warm chest, and wondered if his heart was beating as hard and fast as his.

They lay in silence for a few minutes holding each other; the angel had never felt so content and peaceful in all his long years of existing.

"Tell me something no one knows." The angel said breaking the silence and finally feeling confident and comfortable enough to ask the man these kinds of questions. dream Dean thought about it for a seconds, he looked down at the man in his arms, smiled and kissed his hair before speaking.

"Promise not to laugh." He told him, Cas nodded though dream Dean seemed to know that Cas wouldn't laugh anyway. "There is a certain song I listen to when I miss you. It makes me think of you." Cas heart near enough melted, he longed for this to be true in the real world.

"What is it?" the angel asked, dream Dean got to his feet, Cas hated the feeling of cold he got but desperately wanted to hear the song, their song.

"Wait here." He whispered before walking to the impala and inserting a home made tape and turned up the volume.

He made his way back to his lover and they resumed their previous position as the heavenly chords of beautiful music filled the air. Cas closed his eyes and silently listened to the soothing meaningful words beautifully sung to a calming tune, dream Dean softy sung along. When it came to the chorus Cas heart was in his throat as he clung even more to the man in his arms;

'_In the arms of the angel,  
>Fly away from here,<br>From this dark, cold hotel room,  
>And the endlessness that you fear.<br>You are pulled from the wreckage,  
>Of your silent reverie.<br>You're in the arms of the angel,  
>May you find some comfort here.'<em>

"Its perfect." Cas told him with a smile across his face. He listened to the sound of Dean's breathing and the soft tune in the air. He could hear his lover singing along under his breath as he stroked Cas' hair and the angel nuzzled his in side. Dream Dean got up and turned took the tape out and tuned the engine of when the song had ended before settling back. This time his head rested on the angels chest and Cas' arms enveloped round his charge.

"Tell me something." Dean whispered and he ran his fingers over Cas' stomach. Cas had a thousand things he wanted to tell him, mostly the truth though his stomach dropped at the thought. He couldn't that would ruin everything. Instead the angel took dream Dean's shoulder pushed him to his back and dived on top of him. Kissing, licking his warm neck. Receiving delicious moans and forceful groans of pleasure. The angel's hands roamed freely over his charges body. "Cas, I'm not complaining but this isn't telling me anything." Dream Dean hoarsely whispered trying to sound together through he was steadily falling apart under Cas' hungry touches and his needy kisses.

"What would you like to now?" Cas asked as he bit lightly into dream Dean's neck, dream Dean shuddered when Cas spoke into his neck.

"Later." He growled before rolling over and pinning Cas into the blanket and started to devour the smaller man with him mouth, teeth and tongue.

A pull inside of Cas, told him the real dream version was trying to pull away screaming at him to leave before the next dream arrives.

The angel knew to listen to the voice even though he was underneath a dream Dean who was currently licking his stomach, all he wanted to do was stay.

"Dean." He moaned trying to get his attention, though dream Dean only groaned in return and kissed harder. "Dean, stop. We're outside."

"So?" dream Dean told the angel, he could feel dream Dean smirking against his skin.

"We could get caught at any time." Cas tried to push the man of him, but it was the complete opposite than what he wanted to do.

"Exciting isn't it." Dream Dean moved up and whispered into his Cas' ear, before stated to kiss his neck, Cas bit his tongue so's not to agree with the man. Dean slid a leg in-between the angels and pressed their hard-ons together, Cas couldn't stop the moan from escaping his lips.

"At least lets go to the car." He panted, he really needed to leave, dream Cas' voice was screamed through out his body.

"Car sex? You kinky bastard." He teased as he grinded slightly, Cas' mind was steadily reducing in its capacity of not just rational thought but any thought of any kind, as every part pf his body was being consumed by pleasure.

"You're the one that wants wood sex." Cas panted as dream Dean's fingers teased the waist band of his jeans. Dream Dean stood to his feet and dragged Cas with him, holding the man close and devouring Cas' mouth before turning Cas around hugging him from behind as he walked him towards the impala.

"Well get that tight ass in the impala baby."

"After you." The angel told him. Dream Dean did so, he laid on the back seat facing the open door where Cas stood.

"What's the matter baby?" dream Dean asked, when he saw his face that was full of pleasure and happiness was now taken over by what looked like sadness, dream Dean didn't understand it and he defiantly didn't like it. "Cas?" Dean asked as he shuffled towards the open door.

"I'm sorry" Cas whispered and stepped backwards. He knew he had to leave, he really didn't want to, if he did he may never get to do this again, he may never get to feel Dean's arms around him again. Though he had no choice, the horizon started to flicker slightly he could feel dream Cas himself move and shift, he knew Dean was going to wake up soon and he had to be back in the bed before Dean woke up. Though all he wanted was to stay there forever but of course that is impossible, the whole situation was impossible. Cas started to step backwards and started to walk away, out of sight.

"Cas!" he shouted, tears already forming and stinging his eyes and he climbed out the car as quickly as he could. Shouting Cas' name over and over again, though he didn't run after the angel, he couldn't seem to get his legs to work, he even had to lean against the car for the fear of his knees buckling and him collapsing.

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><p>Castiel barely got back onto the bed before Dean shot up from his sleeping state, eyes wide and breathing extremely heavy.<p>

"Cas?" he shouted eyes darting around the room.

"Yes Dean?" Cas answered his call trying to sound as calm as he could. Dean's eyes landed on his angel and his eyes softened, and before Cas could say another word Dean's arms had flung around the angel and gripped him very tight, as Cas sat perfectly still in complete shock. "Are you okay?"

"Had a bad dream." He breathed out; the angel carefully put a hand on Dean's shoulder and held him.

"I'm here."

"I know. Thank you." Dean told his angel. "Please don't leave me." Dean pulled away and stared at the angel a little shocked that the words came form him. "Sorry."

"I want you to feel like you can talk to me Dean. I'm not going to leave you" Cas told him, knowing full well he was using Dean's words against him, but he wanted to give Dean the same relief as the words gave him in his dream.

Dean looked shocked at his words, but he also relaxed a little. There eyes were glued to each other's, a lump formed in Cas' throat he didn't know what was happening, he felt like they were back in the dream.

"I should join Bobby and Sam downstairs." Dean whispered but made no attempt to move as he carried on staring into Cas' deep eyes that beginning to fill with something Dean hadn't seen in those eyes before. Dean didn't know it was lust but it was.

"Yeah." Cas whispered back, desire filled his voice and forced himself to stay still and not to grab the hunter before him.

"Yeah." Dean repeated before coughing clearing his throat and breaking the strange tension that had creped up onto the two friends. Dean got up and walked to the door without looking at Cas, not being able too. "You coming?" Dean asked still not looking at him.

The two of them got up and rejoined the other hunters in the study without saying a word to each other and without even looking at each other. Despite not talking or looking at each other Cas wore a small subtle smile on his face as they sat and researched in silence, feeling for the first time there was hope.

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><p><strong>thanks for reading! :D<strong>

**the song is 'angel' by Sarah mclachlan if you dont know the song, i strongly suggest listening to it, its beautiful**

**pretty please leave us a review :P xxx**


	18. Author's note

_**To my readers;**_

_**I would like to apologise for the fact that there will no longer be any more updates for this story.**_

_**I love writing and I love all of you; however I will no longer be around to continue to write. I have been struggling for a while and it's all become too much.**_

_**I am really sorry.**_

_**I have really enjoyed writing for you and I hope you have enjoyed reading my stories.**_

_**I guess I'll see you all on the flipside.**_

_**Live well. Be happy : )**_

_**Good bless**_

_**Nutmeg17**_

_**xxxx**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Heya, well this is slightly embarrassing . thank you for all your reviews and pms, no I am not dead but I am not okay either but I've been told I'm taking the right steps and improving or whatever. But I've heard that before. :P**

**Basically I had to receive medical attention, I was stitched up and sent on my way, I've been trying to get things sorted and catch up on uni work so i've been rather busy. **

**Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes I did look over it but I bet I missed some.**

**I put that there wouldn't be any more updates because I wouldn't be around, so when I realised I would be I thought I'd give writing a rest for a bit. Well I couldn't seem to do it . I love writing it's my distraction, outlet and escape, so telling myself not to write was kinda like telling someone not to breathe in the evenings, impossible! Ha. Anyway moving on from my drama and onto drama you want to know about, Dean and Cas! It picks up right from where it left off in the last chapter.**

**Anyway, **though it is a little angsty please **enjoy xx**

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><p>The small smile on Cas' lips stayed there throughout the day even though all he was doing was sitting in an old chair, thumbing through a book that didn't tell the him anything he didn't already know. The angel could not forget the feel of the hunter's lips against his, his warmth when he held him close and the words that came from his own mouth, well dream him but he was sure it counted.<em> 'Dean wants to be loved Castiel. Get your head out your ass and realise he wanted to be loved by you.' <em>The memory of it, the possibility that it was true, made sure that subtle smile stayed in its place.

"Are you alright Cas?" Sam asked, from his position on the other side of the study.

"Yeah you've been smirked like a freaking glitter fairy all day, stop it." Bobby chipped in; Cas' cheeks flushed a little suddenly feeling like an idiot.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled to himself before looking down at the book in his hands, not wanting to be there he felt that embarrassed but remembered the promise he made to Dean and sticking around and since he couldn't think of a good enough excuse to leave because Dean was still plaguing his thoughts he stayed put. Dean must have sensed his discomfort before he reached over and touched Cas' arm, injecting warmth and calmness throughout the angel at an alarming rate.

"No don't be sorry Cas, if he wants to finally show some emotion in his face and smile, why the hell not." Dean almost shouted, no one including Cas knew why he sounded so angry.

"Alright settle down boy." Bobby told the hunter sounding confused but not letting it cover the gruff annoyance in his voice he seemed to have permanently adopted. Instead of replying Dean got up and stormed out the room much like a five year old.

"What just happened?" Cas asked unable to follow the event before him, he was getting better at social interaction but Dean's reaction still seemed weird and dramatic.

"Hell if I know!" Bobby grunted loudly before going back to reading, Cas felt a little before knowing wasn't just him.

"Maybe you should go after him Cas." Sam suggested, resting his book in his lap and leaning towards the angel.

"Why?"

"Maybe he wants to talk." Sam pushed, Cas was almost certain Dean would not talk to him, he's not much of talker at all. Then again he had been getting closer to the hunter and he in return had spoken to him a few times, granted his was smashed but it was a start.

"I doubt that Sam, but if you wish I go, then I will." Cas sighed before sharing a half hearted smile of goodbye with Sam and following Dean out of the room.

"Fucking idjits." Bobby mumbled to himself about the hunter and his god damn angel. Cas walked into the kitchen where he saw his charge staring aimlessly into the open fridge.

"Dean?"

"What?" He snapped back not taking his focus from the mostly empty shelves of the fridge.

"Are you okay?" is all he could think to ask, though he knew it was a stupid question and he knew the answer.

"I'm just fine Cas," Cas knew Dean was lying, Dean knew he was lying, Dean knew Cas knew he was lying but he said it anyway, still hoping Cas would drop it though he knew his angel better than that.

"You can talk to me Dean; you don't always have to lye." Cas looked to the floor as he mumbled his words, he wanted to know but Dean was like a fragile animal approach to quickly or suddenly and Dean would run.

"Who says I'm lying?" Dean said with a half hearted smirk staring at the floor, not being able to look the angel in the eyes.

"Because I can see you are." Cas calmly told him and bravely decided to place a hand softly onto the hunter's shoulder, Dean's eyes snapped at the rare contact and then his couldn't help bring his gaze to the angels eyes, Dean hadn't realised his eyes were wet until he had to blink away the tears that threatened to over spill so he could see the angel clearly.

"You're right, life is in the toilet. The apocalypse is looming and other then me saying yes to Michael there is shit for a plan, the devil wants to ride my brother nine ways till Sunday," Cas listened as Dean started to speak he sounded so, broken and Cas hated it, he couldn't help his hand slipping down his arm and falling by his side as he listened. The hunter sighed before he continued. "I have ruined Sammy chance of ever having that fucking picket fence college life, the only person I have had close to a father is a old alcoholic ass that is stuck in that damn chair because of me, my best friend is an angel which should be weird but with this life its probably the most normal thing I have, I have a splitting headache and we are out of beer!" Dean finished his rant with a tear running down his cheek and panting or air. There was a lot Cas could take from his words, unnecessary guilt, self loathing but all he could take from it and ask the hunter was something quite different.

"I'm your best friend?"

"No Cas I was talking about the other angel that put me back together after dragging me from hell, gave up heaven for me and has died for the fight, yes you, you dick." Dean spat out as soon as he heard Cas' words, he was angry that the angel thought so little of him when he thought everything of Cas, well that's how he saw it. Then the hunter saw the hurt covering Cas' face and immediately wished he had kept his mouth shut. "Sorry, I'm an ass I, its just; it's getting to me Cas."

"It's getting to all of us." The angel told him, he sounded defeated, because he knew no matter what Dean was right, right now they didn't have a plan no clue how to stop the end of coming from coming.

"What are we supposed to do? Aside from sitting on our ass' flicking through useless books in a fruitless search for answers, what happened when we have to act and we can do nothing to save the world?"

"We try anyway. We go down fighting, we fight for what we believe in," Cas sounded stronger then he felt and looked up catching Dean's eye, his voice became softer and full of meaning. "We fight for those we love. Right up to the end we keep fighting." Dean knew Cas was right, the damn angel was always right, but Dean was tired he was tired of always fighting. He sighed and looked to the ceiling not feeling strong enough to look Cas in the eye.

"I don't want to fight anymore Cas. I'm tired; I don't want to do it anymore, why do I have to." Cas hated hearing Dean sound to defeated and broken, he wanted to badly to see the carefully smiling face of the Dean from last night, the Dean he dreams himself to be. The Dean Cas wishes he was that the angel could make the hunter into, given a chance.

"Because you were chosen, you are the only one that can." Cas moved closer it was not what he wanted to say but he knew it was what he should have said.

"Bullshit." Dean scoffed at that as he blinked away the tears Dean refused to let fall.

"Dean, life sucks, it does. But it's the same for me, Sam and Bobby and we are trying, we are not giving up, so you can't, you understand." Dean listened to what his angel was telling him, he knew he was right, he felt awful thinking about just how much more Cas had given up for the course, for him.

"Yeah. Course, you've given up ten times what I have. I should be giving you the pep talk." He told his angel giving him a small light smile, though Cas didn't think for one second it was a real honest to god smile. Cas looked his charge deep in the eye, needing him to understand what he was about to say,

"I lost a lot Dean, but I chose to give it up, for you." Their eyes were locked as the angel took a small step closer to his charge, Dean on his part had forgotten how to breathe "To try and save the world, and I if I could do it again, I would do exactly the same." Cas took a deep breath and placed his hand gently on Dean shoulder so close to his neck the angel's finger tips gently grazed the warm skin on his charges neck, Dean couldn't help his eye closing at the small intimate contact. "You're worth more to me than heaven Dean. With you I have a purpose." Dean forced a laugh into the air and stepped away from Cas a little, needing some space and a lot less of the weird thick tension that seemed to have consumed them. Even so he couldn't bring himself to move too far away so still remained relatively close.

"I'm going to blush in a minute." He joked trying his best to sound natural.

"I'm not lying Dean, we may loose, but we have to try to fight destiny, to fight fate and we will probably die trying. But like you said Dean, if anything is worth dying for, this is it."

"When did you get so wise Cas?"

"I'm an angel Dean, I'm old. I know more than you could possibly comprehend." Dean scoffed at that as he rolled his eyes.

"And for a moment you sounded human."

"I may not be human, but I understand doubt. I can see all over your face. You doubt our ability to save the world, your strength and decision to say no to Michael." Cas' voice became a little firmer he had to make Dean understand. "Saying yes to him is not an option Dean."

"It seems like the only one we do have." Dean muttered more to himself than the angel. Anger surged through Cas, he put a hand against Dean's chest and shoved him against the fridge as he stepped into his personal space, hardly any space between them. The anger near enough growled his words.

"I have not rebelled just to watch you give up do you hear me." despite knowing the angel was pissed Dean could not stop his gaze lowering and settling of his lips, those lips. "You're tired, you're sick of it, you want it to be over, well so do I! I have to watch my father's greatest creation be destroyed by my own family and there is nothing I can do Dean. I'm supposed to be an angel and I am stuck in this shack of a house reading books that hold no answers, with the same people that started this whole thing. But I do it anyway. I do it because there is no other way, I will die in this fight Dean I came to terms with that the moment I rebelled, but I will not watch you loose yourself, and go on some stupid kamikaze mission that will destroy half the world. So buck up and get back to work. Do. You. Understand. Me."

"Yeah. I get it. I'm a selfish bastard that you blame for starting the apocalypse."

"Think what you want to get by, if being angry at me does that do it. But just know if you dare try to agree to being Michael's puppet I will not think twice about doing what I have to do to stop you," Cas looked to the floor not wanted to see Dean's face as he continued. "Despite everything in me just wants you safe and protect you, these emotions you seemed to have given me, make me care about the lives of people I don't know, so I will stop you Dean. It will kill me but I will."

"I'm sorry Cas, I am an ass. I'm just exhausted, if we do stop this and some how I survive, I don't know if I want this life anymore."

"You have a choice what life you lead Dean, live the life that will make you happy. I want you happy, figure out what does that." Their eyes met again and the tension rose to an almost all time high. All Dean wanted to do was kiss the angel in front of him, yet he knew it was impossible, though he knew his will power was fading.

"Family. You." Dean's hand gently covered Cas' that was still placed on his chest, finger gently running over his smooth skin, Cas fought the urge to close his eyes. "You make me happy, you annoy the hell out of me but it makes me happy."

"What are you telling me?" Cas asked in an almost whisper, he did not want to get the wrong message or make a complete fool of himself, but if he was saying what Cas though he was saying the hunter was finally admitting what the angel had been waiting to hear him say.

"I don't know." He said, though it was the opposite of what he wanted to say. After a few moments of silence, Cas move forward a little, taking his free hand he gently ran a hand down Dean's face. "Cas?"

"You deserve a life Dean, you will have one, I promise."

"Cas?" Dean asked, feeling a mixture of being confused and moderately turned on from the small intimate gesture but damped but his ominous words.

"Goodbye." He whispered as he ran his thumb over Dean's dry bottom lip, the hunter was so caught up in the feeling he almost missed what Cas had said.

"What?" he asked pushing inappropriate thoughts aware and sounding deadly serious. Cas didn't answer him, he merely gave the hunter a weak smile before flapping his wings into action and disappearing before Dean's eyes. "Cas!" he shouted at the empty room. He was starting to panic, what had Cas meant? Why did he look to sad? Why was his goodbye filled with so much more?

The hunter started to pace the kitchen mind racing with a hundred horrible scenarios, though none of them were as bad as the truth.

After a while, Dean had no idea how long he stopped pacing and fall back onto one of the kitchen chairs, and put his head in his hands elbows on the table, eyes wet and making no attempt to stop the tears.

When the hunter looked up he noticed an envelope on the table, written on the front was his Dean, beautifully written in an old time script. He looked around but no one was there, with shaky hands he opened the envelope and read the letter inside.

'**Dean,**

_I am sorry this had to happen, I wish more than anything that this unfortunate event was not unfolding in front of our eyes._

_You, Sam and Bobby have to survive this fight Dean, you have no choice. I will not let you die. But I have to admit what you said about having no plan against Lucifer was correct, so it is time we had one. I don't know if it will work but it's worth a shot, I need you three to stay away. You probably won't see me again, as I will be dead._

_Lucifer may be the devil but he is also an angel and like I told you;_

_Only an angel can kill another angel._

_I want you to have that life we spoke of, one in which you are happy and free, find that one person and be with them._

_If this is the last time you will hear from me you deserve to know the truth._

_I love you Dean._

_And in a perfect world I would be that one person you live your life with, the person you kiss and hold, have a song with, arguments over trivial meaningless things, someone you have a family with, in a perfect world I would get to kiss you. But this isn't a perfect world Dean, this is real life and what I am doing I do for you, so that life goes on and that you and those you love live._

_If you ever find your self missing me, pray. I am almost certain I won't hear you as I will be dead but you will find some comfort. You have little faith; you should start believing that good things do happen. I am old I have seen it, believe me. If I shall succeed and Lucifer removed, I will more then likely still perish. If I shall die and Lucifer not, remember your promise Dean,_

_Do not say yes to Michael, there is always another way._

_I wish more than anything the apocalypse was not real, that monsters and demons have not plagued your life. I wish instead of being a soldier I could have spent my life with you in my arms protecting you, making you happy, the way I would willing spend my days until you're old and die peacefully in your sleep, where I would then do the same in heaven, forever. Of course that is nonsense, but I do get to die for you._

_I get to willingly give you two of the most powerful things I can give; my heart and my life. I know you won't agree with me, I know you will be angry, but do not try to find me, just stay safe._

_If anything is worth dying for Dean, you're it._

_I wish you to live your life the way you want to live it, remember me._

_**Castiel. **__'_**'**

By the time he had finished reading the letter that was written with carefully crafted calligraphy and well thought out words, his hands could not stop shaking, his eyes had so many tears in his eyes and running down his cheeks the words on the paper where no longer visible through Dean's now blurry vision.

He sat in silence mulling his angel's words over in his head, he loves him, Castiel loves him, and he's gone of to fight Lucifer alone, he's gone to die. Dean won't see him again, how could he do this! The hunter let out his rage at the situation screaming at the empty room as he threw his chair across it before lifting and tipping over the table, Castiel's letter still in Dean's tightly balled up fist.

"Dean!" Sam shouted as he ran in eyes wide at the sudden noise and the scene he has walked in on.

"What the hell?" Bobby exclaimed wheeling himself into the kitchen soon after Sam, just as surprised than the youngest hunter he they watched Dean, scream and cry hysterically punching and kicking things and throwing random objects every now and again.

"Dean what's happened?" Sam asked as calmly as he could, cleverly opting out of the question; 'are you okay?' that people tend to use when they see someone obviously not okay but ask it anyway. Dean was not okay Sam has never seen his brother like this, he didn't like it, it scared the hunter more than he cared to admit.

"He's gone." Dean breathed out back to the other two hunters trying to sound calm though this voice was croaked from all the shouting.

"Who's gone?" Sam asked, not understanding Dean's explanation.

"Cas has gone after Lucifer!" Dean screamed spinning around to face his brother fresh tears starting to stream.

"What!" Sam's voice went high pitched, not believing what he was hearing. "We have to stop him, he'll die."

"I know that! He knows it!" Dean screamed back breathing hard and heavy.

"Dean you need to calm down." Sam told his brother that seemed to be on the verge of a panic attack.

"Don't tell me to calm down Sammy!"

"Dean! Breathe."

"I am!" he shouted before punching the wall again, "I don't want him to die." He wheezed out, it near enough broke his brother's heart.

"None of us do, we'll stop him." Bobby told him with certainty he didn't posses as he wheeled himself into his ruined kitchen.

"How! We don't know where he's gone, even if we did, how can we possibly help?"

"Cas is family, family sticks together, we'll figure this out." Bobby told him before turning to Sam and mouthing, 'Any ideas?'

"Gabriel!" Sam shouted walking into the living room, the only thing he could think of that might work, Gabriel could locate Cas, maybe he would help. "Come on man, know you can hear me! We need you." Sam let out a sigh, peering over his shoulder to Dean how was gripping the side of the cabinet, to keep himself up, legs visibly shaking. "It's Castiel, he's in trouble." Sam barely finished his sentence when a swipe of wings and a familiar figure appeared in the middle of the room face already plastered in worry.

"What's happened?"

"We need you to find him, he's gone after Lucifer."

"Stupid boy." He mumbled, though didn't seem completely surprised, though somehow still horrified.

"We need to help." Dean almost shouted as he marched into the room and standing next to his brother.

"No you don't. What could you possibly do beside get in the way of two fighting angels and get yourselves killed." Gabriel barked back.

"I need to stop him."

"You can't do anything Dean. Lucifer is motivated by hatred, the desire to destroy everything, to get revenge and from what I hear Castiel is motivated by love. And I don't know which reason is stronger. But they will be so focused on eliminating the other that you will just get in the way."

"Love? Who does Castiel love that he would be so stupid too sacrifice himself?" Sam asked confused, looking to Gabriel for answers, the angel was staring at Dean, Dean was staring back. It couldn't be true could it? It kind of made sense to Sam though it didn't make it any less weird.

"Dean?" Sam asked needing verification.

"How did you know?" Dean asked Gabriel ignoring his brother but confirming everything.

"It's all over radio angel," Gabriel told the hunter tapping the side of his head. "Little Cassie gone and got himself head over wings for some obnoxious hunter with ego issues and an alcohol problem. I would say I was proud he's found the emotion, but really he could do better."

"Fuck you! He's out there dying and you're here joking and insulting me! What's your problem?" Dean shouted unable to contain his anger that the jerk that called himself Castiel brother. Sam held Dean back and tried to calm him, Gabriel on the other hand didn't seem at all phased by Dean's outburst.

"I have already called for help he should be here,"

"Hello." Another angel popped into the room cutting Gabriel off and speaking in a smooth English accent.

"Who the fuck are you!" Dean shouted at the unfamiliar angel before him.

"You're right he is a charmer." He told Gabriel not even looking at the humans in the room, to concerned for Castiel listening intently as Gabriel spoke.

"Cas has gone rogue Balthazar we need to get him back."

"Right." Balthazar nodded and was just about to leave when Dean walked up the to two angels before him.

"I'm coming too."

"Hell no, you just sit tight and let the adults do their job." Balthazar told him giving the hunter a wink; they disappeared and flew away in a blink of a angel

"Fucking angels!" Dean shouted at where they were a moment ago.

"Dean I think you should talk to us." Sam told him placing a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"What the hell is going on boy?" Bobby barked, sitting in shocked silence until now.

"It's all in there." Dean told them throwing the letter at his father figure before storming upstairs and collapsing against the door when he shut it. "Dammit Cas." He mumbled. After a few minutes he stumbled to his knees and stared at the ceiling, tears still falling down his red, heated face. "Please Cas, don't do this. Come back. How can I have a happy life, any life at all if you're not in it? I need you Cas, you're not leaving me you fucking angel! You hear, I can't live if you die. I've spent the longest time dreaming about you, every night. The things we could do together, how we could be together. Now you're going to tell me that my dreams could have come true and then go of to fucking kill yourself. You're not going to do this! I'm not going to let you pull the plug on everything we could be! When you are stopped; I'm going to yell at you till I'm blue in the face, many hit you then I'm going to take you to my room and never let you leave my bed, now how can that happen if your dead?" he roughly wiped his face with his hand before scrambling to his feet and started to shout at the ceiling, anger resurfacing. "You're an asshole, when your dead your dead, I have to carry on, I have to grieve, I still have these thoughts and memories you won't, you won't let me die but you get too! You're selfish Cas!" dean was left panting, he fell back onto the bed, the bed he and Cas shared they were so close not long ago and now he was never going to see him again, it simply wasn't fare. "I love you." He mumbled, saying it out loud for the first time, he wished he had said it sooner, maybe things would have turned out different.

"Dean?" Sam spoke gently as he gingerly stepped into the room, letter in hand. "Dean, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"About what?" Dean mumbled still staring at the ceiling.

"About you and Cas, I, I'm sorry. If there is anything I can do,"

"Bring him back."

"Gabriel and Balthazar will do their best." Sam told him reassuringly, a place the letter on the beside table and a head on Dean's shoulder. "Try and get some sleep, you look exhausted." With that he left. It was true Dean was exhausted, completely physical and emotionally shattered, but knew he couldn't sleep not when Cas was god know where doing god knows what, dying at any moment, he felt sick to his stomach at the thought. The hunter turned on his side knowing he would get no sleep unable Cas was back with him. How could he do any of this without his angel?

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><p><strong>Ooh its all come out, oh I know gabriel should be dead but i decided i did not want him to die :P so he is alive and well! mwhaha the powers of a writer :P <strong>

**in word i had the letter in a lovely swoopy edwardian script, but it didnt transfer to here, so please imagine it being so :) xx**

**Naughty Cas! Lol**

**Please review they mean the world to me :) xxx**


	20. Chapter 20

Dean lay above the covers of the bed not moving, barely breathing, tears slowly silently falling, staring at nothing for five hours, until Sam was too worried about his brother to not do something. Sam stood in front of his him but Dean didn't seem to even notice he was there.

"Dean, you have to get up. Dean, please. You're just torturing yourself. Gabriel and Balthazar are doing all they can, you have to snap out of it." He voice got progressively higher in pitch and louder the more he spoke. Sam was about to slap him to get his attention when Bobby appeared in the door way stepping slowly into the room.

"Sam, come on. Leave him be."

"I can't just stand by and let Dean do this to himself."

"Yes you will, because there is nothing you can do. Dean's heartbroken. Give him time." Sam sighed and allowed the elder hunter to lead him out of the room, he had never seen Dean like this before he looked so lost and pathetic. "And pray Cas comes back." Bobby added when outside the room. He didn't know how long it would take for Dean to get over yet another death, was willing to bet that this one may just destroy him.

Dean hurt, everything hurt, breathing caused him pain, his eyes stung from the amount of tears he'd cried, he wanted to sleep to shut everything off, but his mind would not stop showing him every moment he had with Cas, every time he had lost an opportunity or said the wrong thing, before long his entire body hurt from even more guilt and regret. He wanted to scream but was too exhausted to moved, his body felt too heavy and he barely had enough energy to blink.

Sometime after the sun began to rise he fell into a light restless sleep, and seemed to suck more from him than if he hadn't fell asleep at all. The dreams that had kept him going for so long, were nowhere, the dreams of having Cas all to himself, dreams of holding him, touching him, loving him, were nowhere. It was just darkness, there was nothing. Dean was so emotionally spent his body could no longer handle just how much he felt, it seemed to shut down and Dean woke up numb, he felt nothing, he was empty. The hunter lost all sense of time as he waiting for the impossible return of his angel. Maybe five minutes maybe three hours after he opened his eyes from the dreamless sleep Bobby appeared in the doorway with a coffee cradled in his hands. He put the cup on the side table next to his head and squatting so he was eye level with the boy see he thought of as a son.

"Dean. We're here for you. Drink the coffee; you needed energy for when they get back." Bobby spoke softly. "Dean, son. You're stronger than this." There was no reply, he was getting very worried but knew that he couldn't force Dean out of this; he had to fight his own way through. He gave his surrogate son a kiss in his head. "He'll come back, you'll see." He stood up and stretched his back and was about to leave when Dean, spoke softly sounding so broken and lost it broke Bobby's heart to hear it.

"What if he doesn't?"

"Then we'll be here for you." Bobby knew the possibility of Cas dying was strong, he also knew that Dean had already begun the grieving process. Dean was so pale he couldn't in his right mind leave him alone anymore. He pulled up a chair and sat up the bed, picking up a book and started to read it, deciding to drink the coffee instead, certain Dean would only ignore it. He desperately hoped the company may be enough to give Dean strength and let him know that he was not alone.

The longer there was no word from the angels the more everyone dreaded the worse. It had been two days and Sam and Bobby were taking it in turns to sit with Dean. He managed to take a few sips of water through a straw and rearrange himself from what was probably a dead arm but nothing else.

Sam began reading out loud to Dean, hoping the sound of his voice would anchor the hunter. There was no evidence either way but it made him feel better like he was doing something so he continued. It was the evening of the second day when Dean finally spoke to Sam. He was standing up to get a coffee when Dean mumbled to his brother.

"He's gone." Bobby was right about how he sounded; he bent down and stoked his brother hair.

"We don't know that for sure." Dean slowly nodded Sam wasn't sure if it was to his words or something he thought but didn't say anything. Dean didn't elaborate so Sam left to get that drink.

Dean was imagining Cas with him, all the things they could do, all the things he would say, he wished for it to be true so hard he developed a migraine. He managed to whisper to Sam a few hours after he got back from getting a coffee.

"Head, hurts." He couldn't speak without it being a whisper because he felt his head was splitting, Sam heard though and thankfully understood. He went downstairs and came back with a glass of water two pills and a sandwich.

"You haven't eaten and you're probably dehydrated, so take the pills and please attempt the sandwich, you will feel better." Sam informed his brother as he placed with tray on the side. Despite how he felt Dean knew he was right and nodded. Sam helped him sit up, it look around forty five minutes for Dean to finish his sandwich, after which he bent over the side of the bend and dry heaved, though thankfully he kept the food down, which had to be taken as a good sign, the silent tears after, not so much.

Dean stayed in seated position which Bobby and Sam agreed it to be a positive step.

Dean fell asleep a few hours after the sandwich, when he was sleeping Bobby arranged him on his side and covered him with a blanket. He sat back on his chair but didn't open the book he was reading; he looked up to the ceiling and started speaking.

"You better come back Cas. How could you leave him alone?! He's falling part without you, its breaking my heart. He can't loose you too, please Cas. Don't be dead, come back to Dean, Come home."

Bobby couldn't stop the tear that rolled down his left cheek and got up to retreat to the bathroom.

Dean opened his eyes after another dreamless blank sleep. He didn't know what the time was and he didn't care. He continued to stare into nothing while hopelessly waiting. Before long the door slammed shut just so it could be slammed open again to give a good entrance, Dean jumped at the intrusion so he was aware, there was hope. Gabriel came striding in soon after.

"Dean!" he shouted, he was not into the kind love, let him ride it out thing, Dean needed to snap out of it because Castiel needed him. "Get up! Stop being an idiot, I have news about Castiel!" at the sound of his name Dean's eyes snapped up to meet Gabriel's. "You in the deano?" Dean didn't answer, his breath being held in anticipation for the news. Despite not always getting on with Dean, he did care and seeing Dean like this was very worrying. "Come on Dean, speak to me. You want to know about Cassie, let me know you're in there. Snap out of it, stand up and shout at me to tell you."

"I'm here." Dean spoke quietly and slowly, eyes trained on the almost bouncing arc angel.

"Good, come on stand up!"

"I can't." Dean mumbled, although feeling alert from the mention of Cas he was certain it was bad news, he couldn't force himself to move, everything was too hard.

"Don't be a baby deano. You can. Come on stand up. Cas needs you." Those last three words, Cas needs him, it was like a light in Dean's head, it would mean Cas was alive, his angel needed him. He was alive, he will see him again, and with those three words Dean found the strength to get to his feet. "There you go." Gabriel smiled at him clapping him on the shoulder.

"he's not?" Dean had to know, had to hear the words but his throat could not release the words. Thankfully Gabriel understood, from the despair and desperation in his voice alone.

"He's not dead." The angel quickly told him. "But he is not really him anymore."

"What?"

"He's human, he's hurt and he's human." Dean nodded processing, his angel wasn't an angel but he was alive, Cas was still here and he will return to him, for the first time since he read that letter Dean could breathe without pain anymore.

"Lucifer's dead, the son of a bitch's plan worked." Dean heard but he couldn't care less about Lucifer and this particular moment, the devil was simply unimportant compared to the wellbeing of his Cas.

"Will he be okay?" he croaked needing to know but dreading the answer.

"Given time. He will need you to be strong for him."

"Okay."

"He's in the hospital. You want to see him."

"Yes." The hunter took a step towards the door, only for the angel to stand in front of him to stop him.

"Right, well go take a shower get changed, get food and water down you and then I'll take you."

"But."

"No buts Dean, you want to see Cas, you do as I say." Dean nodded and went to the bathroom for a quick but well needed shower.

When Dean was under the warm water, he felt his muscles relax slightly, the days suddenly hit him and he fell to his knee sobbing uncontrollably he thought Cas was gone, nearly was. He got a taste of what his life would be like without him and he couldn't do it, letting Cas go was no longer an option. Soon his sobs became tearless retches gasps and sighs. He rode them out, feeling a little better for letting it out. But it wasn't enough nothing would be until he can see Castiel for himself and hold him close to him.

After the shower and changing his clothes, Dean slowly made his way down stairs, muscles stiff and head light from the movement. He found Sam, Bobby and Gabriel in the kitchen waiting for him, with a take away burger on a plate in front of an empty chair, his stomach lurched in both hunger and sickness seeing it. Before he could take another step into the kitchen his arms were full of Sam, they gripped onto each other, Sam could not stop a few tears from seeing his brother up and not the unmoving vegetable he was a few hours ago.

"hey Sammy."

"hey."

No more was spoken, Bobby and Dean exchanged a nod as he settled down at the table and began eating. As soon as Dean was finished he downed a pint of water before demanding to be taken to Castiel. Gabriel nodded and placed two fingers to his forehead in a horribly familiar fashion. When Dean blinked he was in the hospital though there no telling which one, which state he was even or even if he was in America. None of that mattered though, because he was currently looking into a private room.

There he was, looking so small. A broken, beaten and horribly fragile Castiel laying eyes closed on the bed with tubes attached to each arm. He looked so pale and small. Despite this Dean could not help but smile because it meant he was alive, hurt but alive. He was not too late, Dean could love him. He was not too late for his dreams to no longer just be dreams, Cas was not getting away again. A few tears fell as he grabbed the door handle and walked in.


	21. Chapter 21

The hunter moved into the room on shaky legs, hardly believing it was all real. The man before him was so pale, so weak. It was almost laughable to think that this was the same man that not long ago, fought his way through hell to drag his soul out, and in saving a human the angel fell himself, his angel, his Cas. Human.

He fought back the tears as he reached the hospital bed. All of a sudden he was hyper aware of his body, could he touch him? He wanted to hold his hand, could he? Was he even allowed to be in here?

The hunter was snapped out of these thoughts, when he watched the simple, subtle flutter of Cas' eyes, as if his eyes where searching for him under his closed lids. Everything that wasn't Cas slipped away from his mind instantly, as he sunk into the chair next to the bed and took his hand without another thought. Dean clasped Cas' hand in-between both of his, placing soft kisses on his fingers now and then and whispering whatever he could bring himself to speak, lips brushing against Cas' slightly clammy skin.

Turns out they were in England, London to be precise. Though this was the least of his concerns, he thought to himself when Gabriel told him, on one of his many fleeting visits to the hospital room, to check in. neither mentioned the handholding he has spent the last six hours holding his angel, ex-angels hand. But it spoke in more than words that Dean didn't shrink away or remove his hand when Gabe was there, and in return Gabriel had a hint of a smile and nodded to him, it was all they needed.

Dean fell asleep on their hands around eight hours in, Balthazar popped in not long after to check in as Gabriel was otherwise occupied, he would never admit to his heart melting a little at the sight of the love Dean obviously has for his brother, he needed to speak to Gabriel, a plan forming in his head. A plan to give them both, a little peace, some happiness and a lot of hope.

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><p>Dean slowly blinked his eyes open, he wasn't where he thought he was or where he wanted to be. There was no hospital bed or constant beeps, no hospital period, and no Cas. The hunter was currently face down in leaves and dirt, surrounded trees, the midday sun shinning, making everything bright and rather serine. Dean began to panic, where was Cas, had he only just got him back just to loose him again?! The feeling buzzing around his body finally registered as he got himself to his feet, feeling lighter than usual, he was pretty saw he was dreaming, everything too vivid yet far away, like, well like a dream. His suspicions were strengthened when he turned around to see Cas walking towards him, a hint of a smile gracing his non-bruised and unscathed face.<p>

"Cas?" he asked, not trusting his eyes but not willing to look away.

"Hello Dean." He answered with one of his soft genuine smiles growing slightly as he spoke his name.

"I'm dreaming aren't I?" he asked frozen to the spot. Cas nodded in response and stepped even closer, until they were a mere few feet apart. The hunter's arms lifted and slowly and cupped Cas' cheeks. "Cas." He whispered to himself, as if convincing himself he was really standing before him, and he could touch, his skin was warm he noted.

"I have a feeling this is Gabriel's doing. I'm dreaming too." He told Dean with an amused smile, lifting his hand to lightly stroke on of Dean's that was on his cheek.

"Son of a bitch." He replied fondly, Gabriel made this possible, made him able to see his angel, now human they both now dream, Gabriel was a cocky little shit, but Dean now owes him a hamper or something for this. They stay like that for a few moments before Cas stepped back and pulled away, face falling and clouded over into a serious manner, Dean hated that.

"I'm sorry Dean." Dean's heart retched at the sound of his voice so broken and raw.

"Don't, don't apologise Cas." The hunter has never begged, but this was probably the closest he has ever come. Simultaneously lacing his fingers together around Cas' neck and resting there foreheads together, Dean needed to touch, and to feel Cas accept his touch.

"I have too; this might be my last chance." He stomach fell then, no. no this wasn't it, this wasn't a goodbye. It couldn't be.

"No," Is all he managed to croak out, mind swirling and heart pounding so hard he felt it lining his dry through with every aggressive pump.

"I'm weak, Dean, weaker than I can ever remember being. I don't think I'll be able to wake up." He explained, forehead still touching, both savouring the contact.

"You will, you have too. Don't leave me Cas." He grip on Cas' neck tightened as a tear finally overflowed and fell.

"I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough." Gripping the hunters sleeves he tried to explain, he didn't want to die, he didn't, he wanted to stay with Dean, he had to understand that.

"You are, you're human, so what. That doesn't mean you give up. You fight." Cas froze at that, he wasn't an angel?

"Human." He repeated slowly, as if testing it on his tongue. "Yes, I can feel it. I'm, human." How could he not have realised, the power buzzing under his skin had faded to next to nothing, angel no more.

"So no more talk of leaving okay." He had to fight, Dean thought he couldn't give up, not know.

"You don't understand. the damage I received with my fight with Lucifer was extensive even to an angel." He sounded so defeated Dean wrapped his arms around his smaller body, gripping him tightly as if trying to transfer his strength to him.

"Cas,"

"It was worth it." He argued, fuck Dean thought, he really didn't realise how important his life is, he would gladly lay it down for the cause, it was unacceptable and horribly familiar.

"No it wasn't, Cas it wasn't."

"You mean Lucifer's not,"

"He's dead; it's not worth it if you die too." Moving back they looked into each others eyes. "Please, keep fighting Cas, I never thought I'd see you again. It almost killed me thinking you were gone, I can't do that again, I wont. So fight, if not for you, fight for me. Stay with me." He nodded, overwhelmed hearing the words he longed to hear, come from his mouth, Cas couldn't help but smile upon hearing them, finally.

"I would do anything to keep you from hurting Dean." Dean leaned in to at long last kiss his angel, but Cas leaned back a little stopping him, a flash of pain course through his body at the rejection. "Wait, Dean I have to tell you something."

"What?" Cas caressed Dean cheeks encasing his face with his hands stroking them slowly with his thumbs as he began to confess.

"The dreams you've been having about me. They were actually with me."

"What?"

"I put myself into your dreams so I could spend time with you, time that wasn't rushed or dangerous. It was calm, peaceful, you were happy. I couldn't resist." He didn't know what to think, were his dreams real? Did Cas force them on him to manipulate him, test him, mock him?

"Did," he took a breath trying to form the sentence correctly "Did you influence my dreams, make them what they were?"

"No, I replace the dream version of me." He heaved a sigh of relief, it meant Cas was invasive and kind of an idiot but not evil or manipulative.

"Then I don't care."

"What?" before either could speak again Dean launched himself into Cas' space and finally claimed his lips, it was slow and lingered, sweet and spoke everything they hadn't yet had the time or courage to say, when they pulled apart both were smiling.

"I love you Cas."

"I love you too."

"Come home." he said taking both his hands gently.

"Always." They simply stared into eye others eyes for a while, like they had all the time in the world. They felt like they had, like nothing could touch them in the bubble they had created for each other. That was until Dean's skin began to fade, almost ghost like. "Dean? You're vanishing?"

"What?" he began to panic, it couldn't end yet, what if even after what was said Cas didn't wake up, what it this was it. He wanted to dream forever. "No, I don't want to wake up. No, Cas you have to too, wake up Cas."

"I'll try." Placing a quite peck to Dean knuckles before watching him leave.

"I'll be there when you wake up." He watched Cas smile softly before his eyes opened.

* * *

><p>He was back, the repetitive beep of the machines, the anti-septic smell, and the coarse material of the bed cover against his face.<p>

Lifting himself back up of the chair he blinked the sleep from his eyes and stared at the seemingly lifeless body of his Cas. Suddenly he felt sick, Cas was going to wake up, he had too, he promised. But what if he didn't.

He stood brushing his fingers through the mans hair with the hand that wasn't still clasping Cas'.

"Come on baby, wake up." He placed a kiss to his forehead. "Please."

There was no response, a little while later a nurse came in to check in on Cas, she fiddled with the machines wrote some things down before leaving, not even sparing a glance in Dean's direction.

"What the hell?" he whispered to himself, surely she wouldn't just ignore him, besides it dark outside, shouldn't she ask him to leave, or at lest ask who he was, but nothing, it was like she couldn't see him. "No." he thought to himself, this wasn't a dream was it? Cas was alive and he was by his bedside right? Gabriel brought him here; he could possibly be that cruel could he? "Gabriel, I have a situation here, I need you." It felt horrible to Dean praying to a different angel, but it had to be done, Gabriel was the only one with answers.

Within seconds the familiar sound of wings filled the room and Gabriel was standing in the middle of the room but Dean's eyes didn't leave his angel, he'll always be Dean's angel; wings or no wings, in the bed.

"What's up Deano?"

"Is this real?" he asked willing the tremble out of his voice.

"Huh?" the angel replied, unable to grasp what Dean was getting at.

"All of this; is it real? Is Cas really alive? In that bed, am I really in London?" he turned to the now only angel in the room, not caring how desperate he sounded

"Of course." he replied as if it was the easiest question to answer.

"Then why couldn't that nurse see me?!" he shouted, angry and confused, grip on Cas' hand tightened slightly. "I swear if this is all some game to you, I will kill you." Gabe's face turned serious and angry, he stepped forward voice calm but filled with anger.

"You think I would joke about something like this, he may be your boyfriend or whatever you want to call it, but he was my brother first. I love him and if you think for one second messing with you is more important than Cassie's life, then you can go fuck yourself." He took a breath after seeing the genuine fear and confused in the hunters face, the angel visibly calmed and explained his actions "Look, I knew you'd want to be here okay, I knew you'd refuse to leave until it was out the front door accompanied with him, so yeah apart from visiting hours you're invisible, they cant see or hear you." He let that sink in, taken aback at the gesture.

"Thank you." He croaked out, sinking back into the chair, both hands now on Cas' "The dream?"

"I may not be able to heal him but I could do that, Balthazar's idea actually."

"Why can't you heal him?" Gabriel stood the other side of the bed, softly griped Cas by the shoulder and looked to him, slightly sad, slightly fond.

"The damage was done by Lucifer, extensive damage; I did all I could, it's down to him now." He nodded again but didn't answer. "You want anything?"

"No."

"Come on Dean, you're both human now, you need to set a good example for our Cassie when he wakes up, you need to eat and drink."

"You think he'll wake up." He had to know, even though he was sure Gabriel may well lye just to make himself or both of them feel a little better, hopeless hope was better than no hope right?

"I think he has and will go to hell for you. He'll fight his way out, he'll wake up. I'll bring you a coffee and a sandwich."

"Thank you Gabriel." He mumbled, before hearing the sounds of Gabriel leaving the room.

"Come on Cas." He whispered, giving his a kiss on the knuckle before climbing into bed with him, he laid awkwardly on top on the covers, very nearly falling off, using all his stomach muscles to keep him balanced. But it was worth it as he rested his head of Cas' shoulder and snaked an arm around his waist. He stayed that way, taking comfort in the soft rise and fall on his chest as he breathed. Dean began to talk, like he never has before, he spoke of his childhood, the different schools, constant travelling, looking after Sam, everything that came into his head. The thought that the more he spoke the more likely Cas would somehow hear, that his voice could lead him out, that it would remind him he was there, if nothing else it made him feel better.

He stayed that way long after his stomach hurt from holding himself in the position, his arm was dead and a crick began niggling at his neck, but eventually he had to move, he slunk back into the chair a few minutes before the nurse came in to check on both of them-cause he could be seen now, as visiting hours had started.

"Good morning." She greeted Dean brightly, as if being overly cheery would help, really it was kind of annoying. But the hunter didn't say anything she was only doing her good, he was grateful she was here.

"Hey, how's he doing?" he asked stroking his hand lightly, praying for good news. The nurse, short stocky brunette looked him over, consorted the chart and jotted a few notes down before answering.

"About the same," Dean's heart fell, like every time he asked and was given the same news, "which isn't a bad thing, he's stable it's a good sign." He nodded he knew if could be worse, he's seen a crash cart go part a couple times, at least that wasn't Cas he thought. No he corrected himself that wasn't good enough Cas shouldn't be here he should be awake, in America, with Dean.

"How long before he wakes up." Hoping against hope she had a different answer.

"Same as what I told you yesterday, it's impossible to say." She gave the man before her a sad smile, he looked wrecked and incredibly tired and her heart went out to him. Unfortunately she wasn't a miracle worker she wished she had better news to give but she can only do her job.

* * *

><p>It's been six days and Dean has barely left Cas' side, only leaving for small time pools to shower or grab food, he was terrified Cas would wake when he wasn't here, he had made a promise after all. Every time he closed his eyes to sleep, he hoped and prayed to dream-share again, to see Cas' face, talk to him, anything. But every time all there was, was darkness, nothing.<p>

As the hours crept by Dean's mind kept wondering, he kept thinking of worse case scenarios, all that bad things that could happen and what past event meant. He began to think Gabriel let them dream-share that once in order to say goodbye and the angel didn't think his brother would wake up, that thought was more crushing that anything else. Would Gabriel really do that to him? Lift his hopes; let him speak to Cas, to kiss him just for it to be taken away. And then not tell him and let him sit here, no Gabriel wouldn't, couldn't. No matter how he feels about Dean, he was good, and he loved Cas. The hunter ran these thoughts around his mind, speeding a mile a minute, the more the thought the worse he felt.

Angry, guilty, despair and soul crushing grief spilled out in his tears, his mind couldn't quite process all the emotions he was suddenly feeling at once, but what he did process was all the blind hope was vanishing.

"Cas wake up, please." Dean choked on his words as he sobbed, pleading for him to wake up. "GABRIEL!" he shouted as loud as he could, falling to his knees, everything crashing onto his shoulders at once. After a few moments of only Dean's heavy breathes filling the air, wings could be heard.

"What is it now?" Gabriel asked sounding put out of being called upon. Dean was silent for a long while still on his knees, gaining curious looks from Gabriel. Finally Dean settled on;

"He won't wake up will he." The Gabriel rolled his eyes and took the hunters arm to get him to his feet.

"Course he will." The hunter ripped himself out the shorter mans grip.

"Then why can't I see him in my dreams, did you just do that for us to say good bye?! Why would you let he sit here all this time knowing he was still going to leave me." Gabriel glared at the man, trying to contain his anger.

"That is what you're getting panicking over?" Voice quite, but by no means calm. "sit, sit!" he shouted when he had to repeat himself, Dean unable to remember when Gabriel looked and sounded quite as hurt and angry at the same time, sat without question. Gabriel began speaking, feeling a little like lecturing a little child. "You need to get a grip. You might not know this, but Lucifer had many followers, many more enemies gearing for a fight, you can imagine everyone's surprise when one little angel came along and took down the devil in the name of a human, a hunter nonetheless." The reality of the situation seemed to sink into both of them. There were a few moments of silence between them only the constant beeping of one of Cas' machines filled the air, soon the angel sighed and this time when he spoke he sounded tired. "It's been chaos Dean, demons are more confident, they've lost their leader, they think they have nothing else to loose. You know how when animals panic they lash out. The angels don't know what to do, Michael's, Michael's disappeared it seems they are beginning to look to me for leadership, being the last arc angel involved in all this mess. It's horrible being in charge, and boring." Gabriel stopped pacing and perched on Cas' bed just to the right of the hunter, catching his eye, forcing it away from Cas "The balance has been thrown off by Lucifer's sudden departure. Balthazar, Sam, Bobby and I, have spent the last week practically at war Dean. So sorry I couldn't spare a few hours to hop you into his head." Dean was in shocked silence, he felt incredibly stupid and useless.

"I want to help."

"You are, you're keeping him safe, he's getting stronger everyday." He got up and walked away from them. He could do with an experienced hunter, but he knew that Dean's mind would always be here, he'd get himself or someone else killed, then he would hate himself even more, even more so if Cas woke up when he was absent, he could never forgive himself. No, Dean was where he needed to be. "We can handle it Dean."

"I'm sorry." Dean told him, he meant it he was, he had no idea the price of all this. Gabriel sensed this and gave him a nod before flying away back to where he was needed.

With his worries calmed slightly, he sat in his chair, laced their fingers and pulled out an old battered book, it was much read and well loved, with the spine frayed and many of the pages had almost falling out. He used to read it to Sam when he was ill growing up, so he began reading it to Cas.

Cas can't really be sure how long he has been unconscious, to him watching Dean fade away was mere moments ago. When in reality it was probably days, weeks? He had no concept of time, but it mattered not to the ex-angel, time didn't matter when he only had one thing to do, one promise to keep, to wake up. He tried everything, and despite feeling a little stronger nothing changed. He began to give up, as the echoing wave of a familiar sound reached Cas' ears it felt like music, it was Dean. His voice, he was unsure whether it was in his head or in the air, but it didn't matter. Cas was filled with a new burst of hope, that voice a constant reminder of why he's got to wake up, he's got to get home.


End file.
